A relieved, grateful smile broke over Cooper’s face. “I bet Alan didn’t take that well.”
“Actually, other than insulting you, he was a gentleman about it. Unlike a certain smug werewolf who gave me a permanent hickey to mark his territory. And peed on my doorstep—which you will be hosing off, by the way.”
Around a mouthful of pancake, he muttered, “Yes, yes, I am Alan’s emotional inferior. I’m sure that will keep him warm at night.”
“Now, that’s plain mean.”
21
Stasis
IF ANYONE COMMENTED ON Cooper’s sudden return to Grundy, they didn’t do it in front of me. It was obvious that we’d reconciled. He was back in the saloon every morning, keeping a quiet, careful watch over me and his impending pup. He’d swoop in and pick up any object heavier than ten pounds if I tried to lift it. He made me take regular breaks to get off my feet and growled at anyone who spoke to me in anything but the sweetest of tones. When he tried to talk Evie into cutting my hours at work, we both told him to mind his own business. Seriously, there are limits.
I was back in the kitchen, cheerful, productive, talkative. It was as if my friends stopped holding their breath around me. Conversation was normal. The banter was back. I think they were so glad to see the old Mo that they didn’t have it in their hearts to rib me about it. Lynette, however, was even more sour than usual.
Nate Gogan drew up the papers for me to purchase the house. It was the first place I’d really considered my own home. I couldn’t imagine raising the baby anywhere else. I thought he was going to cry when I signed them. When I called to inform Kara that I was a homeowner, she was a little sad but started making plans for a visit within the next month, while it was still warm. I think she’d been holding out for me to come home, but it felt good to have made a decision, to know that I was a permanent resident of Grundy, Alaska.
Cooper and I were slowly moving to a more permanent arrangement. He gave up the lease on his place and moved his stuff into my cabin. He put a picture of Gracie, Samson, and Pops on the mantel. He made a little nursery by screening in a corner of our room, although we knew we would eventually have to add on another bedroom. The house was a little crowded and more than a little “sporty,” but it was nice feeling that he had a stake in the place.
And miracle of miracles, he actually asked me out on a date, having realized that we’d known each other for almost a year and were expecting a baby in a few months but had never actually left the house for a meal. So there I was, one glorious Thursday morning, standing in front of my side of the closet, trying to find something to wear to dinner that Friday. And Cooper came out of the bathroom, pulling up his camouflage overalls.
“That doesn’t look like fine-dining attire,” I said, arching my eyebrow as I sipped my ginger tea. “Your outfit definitely won’t go with this dress.”
I held up a little blue number that he’d admired on several occasions, even though I knew it would be a miracle if I fit into it anymore. My jeans were feeling pretty tight these days. I would be bidding my precious La Perla a fond farewell soon. Eventually, we were going to have to tell everybody we were pregnant. I had only so many forgiving sweatshirts I could wear to work.
Cooper groaned at the sight of the dress. “You’re killing me, woman. I just got a last-minute call from one of my regulars,” he said.
“Which makes you sound like a hooker.”
Cooper rolled his eyes. “This guy wants to take some clients fishing down at the Snake River. It’s some stupid spontaneous bonding thing he thinks can prevent economic disaster. He’s one of my steady clients, and he’s a grudge holder. If I turn him down once, he’ll blab to all his buddies that I’m an asshole and they should take their business elsewhere. With the season coming up . . .”
“Cooper, it’s just a one-day trip. No big deal. Don’t worry.”
“I’ll be back in the morning, to take you and that blue dress out on the town, I swear.”
“Actually, maybe we should put it off until another night,” I told him. “I’m not really feeling all that great, hence the tea. Your child seems intent on making me throw up until I turn inside out.”
He kissed the top of my head. “Ugh. Now I really don’t want to leave you. And we are going out tomorrow night. There’s some stuff we need to talk about.”
“OK.” I poked him in the chest. “But if you take me camping again, I’m going to kick your ass.”
He smiled, nuzzled my neck, and kissed me long and hard before slipping his cap onto his head. “I believe it.”
I sat on the porch, drinking my tea and waving as he pulled the truck out of the driveway. Would this be what our future would be like? Me waving as my big, strong man went a-hunting, leaving me behind to tend the home fires? How positively medieval.
“I’ve got to go to work,” I told myself, shuddering, setting the cup aside and pushing to my feet. “Bring home some bacon, fry it up in a pan, something, before they take my feminist membership card away.”
WORK WAS QUIET that day. I managed to get through a breakfast shift with minimal nausea and was grateful for it. People ordered their usuals and appreciated the little touches I remembered, such as the fact that Walt didn’t like his toast to touch his eggs or that Gertie was allergic to garlic. I’d almost gotten through the workday unscathed when Maggie appeared at the lunch counter. My grip on the butcher knife I was holding got a little bit tighter.
“Maggie,” Evie warned. “Your mom and the rest of the family may put up with your bullshit, but if you start a fight in here, you will pay for every single thing you break.”
“I’m not here to start a fight,” Maggie snapped back. She looked up at me, her expression unreadable. “I need to talk to you. Can we take a walk?”
“I am not dumb enough to walk to a secluded area with you alone,” I told her. “That’s how women end up on CNN specials.”
“I’m not going to hurt you.” She sighed. “I’ve been thinking about what you said to me the other day at my mom’s. And there are some things I need to say to you. Outside.”
“Don’t go any farther than that bench across the street,” Evie told me. “I’ll be watching.”
“Jesus, Evie,” Maggie exclaimed. “I said I wasn’t going to hurt her!”
“See that you don’t,” Evie retorted. “She’s carrying your little niece or nephew.”
Maggie’s jaw dropped, and so did mine. “How did you know?” I asked.
Evie patted my head. “Oh, honey, we’ve all known for weeks. You’ve been throwing up every time you look cross-eyed at food. Didn’t you think we’d notice?”
Everybody at the lunch counter nodded.
“We’re having a shower for you next month,” Gertie said, grinning at me. “There will be a theme, a cake, and embarrassing games. And you will love it.”
“Well, shit.” I sighed. “I wore all those baggy shirts for nothing.”
We walked across the street, with Maggie eyeing me carefully. “Is this going to be OK for you?” she asked gruffly as we sat on the rough plank bench.
“I’ve been feeling fine,” I told her. “But thanks for asking.”
“Mom should have told me,” Maggie huffed. “But it explains why she’s been knitting nonstop.”
“Well, we didn’t know how you’d respond, Maggie. Honestly, what would you expect?”
She stared at her hands and plucked at a hangnail. “Hunting and fighting have always come easy to me. I’m not good at talking about things that bother me. It’s just so much easier to, you know, hit something.”
I scooted a little bit farther down the bench. She snorted but smiled a little.
“When Cooper left, it wasn’t just that I was pissed,” she said. “I was hurt. It wasn’t that I was ashamed of him. It wasn’t even that he was scared when the other pack attacked. Hell, I was scared, too. When he left, it felt like he was ashamed of what I’d done that night. Like I should be ashamed of being able to fight, to kill, to defend what I love. He was always the one who told me to be proud of what I was, that I was just as tough as anybody in the pack. And all of a sudden, it was wrong? It was like everything he’d ever told me was a lie. Our whole relationship was a lie. I’d depended on him to be everything—a brother, a father. And to have him take that away . . . I was beyond hurt. I went a little crazy. And for years, I kept expecting the hurt to go away, even just a little bit, but instead it got worse.”
“What about Samson?”
“Samson’s great,” she said, shrugging and suddenly looking very young. “But he’s always been sort of . . . cuddly? He loves to hunt, but he hates to fight. Eli really stepped in when he took over the pack. He’s been a sort of kindred spirit. He’s always said he’s just holding Cooper’s place until Cooper comes back. And if I was honest with myself, maybe I didn’t want Cooper to come back.
“Why shouldn’t I be alpha?” she demanded. “I’m one of the strongest in the pack. I’m the fastest. Except for Eli, I’m probably the smartest. I’m the one who stood up for the pack when we were attacked. Why shouldn’t I take over where Cooper left off? He didn’t want it, so why shouldn’t I have it? Why should he be able to just throw it away like it’s nothing?”
I tentatively patted her hand. “Obviously, there’s a little bit more going on than the standard sibling abandonment issues.”
“Yeah, for years, I’ve been . . .”
“I can think of a few adjectives if you need some help.”
She glared at me. “I’ve been a spoiled, selfish little bitch who needs a good kick in the ass. I’ve been a shit to him for years. Because I didn’t think he was hurting enough. Eli always said that he seemed fine. And somehow that made it worse. I figured I was hurt, so he should hurt more, you know? When I saw that you made him happy, it was like he was getting out of his punishment. I didn’t know how badly he was hurting. I didn’t know that he missed me, too. I was so angry at him for so long. I don’t know how to come back from that.”
“What do you want from me, Maggie? Advice? Absolution? Go forth and be a bitch no more.”
“No. I wanted to know, do you think Cooper can forgive me?” She looked up at me, and suddenly, she seemed very young.
I put my arm around her. Well, I put my arm on the bench behind her without actually touching her, but my intent was clear. “I think you and Cooper need to talk. He misses you—a lot. But there are some things you need to talk about.”
“Thanks.” She mumbled before straightening, “This doesn’t mean I like you.”
“Oh, no, I still think you’re a horribly spoiled little snot. And the minute I’m not pregnant anymore, I plan on kicking your ass. Scrappy Doo.”
She smirked at me, then got up and walked into the woods at the end of the street. I couldn’t see her phase, but I heard the long howl that followed. I shook my head. This is something you’d never see on Dr. Phil.
WHEN MORNING CAME, Cooper hadn’t returned. He hadn’t even called. I went to work, thinking he might go straight there from his hunting trip, but by lunchtime, he hadn’t shown up or answered calls to his cell phone. I was cooking and covering for Evie, who was at home recovering from a fairly hideous dental appointment. And although I wanted to run home and check to see if Cooper was there, I couldn’t leave.
I wondered if Maggie had taken my advice literally and tracked Cooper down the minute she left the saloon. Maybe they’d made up and were enjoying some wolf-sibling bonding time? It seemed more likely that they’d had a knock-down, drag-out fight and Cooper was curled up in the woods somewhere, recuperating from a severe testicle injury.