“You want to go out?” She asked as she ran her fingers through her tangled mane. I poured a shot and drank it down quickly.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I replied coldly as I drank back another. Disappointment clouded the room as she slowly walked to the door and let herself out. I poured another drink and ran my hands through my hair. What the f**k was happening to me? I made my way into the living room with my drink in hand. Settling in on one of the couches, I grabbed my laptop and began searching Emma Townsend. It wasn’t hard to find her. The first social network I had clicked on pulled up a full profile of her, complete with pictures. The sight of her made me immediately grow hard again. I clicked on her bio. She had a small number of friends. A few happy birthday wishes on her page that she had recently responded too. It was her birthday? I thought of her sitting alone. I wondered if she had friends over, if her family was throwing her a party. I wanted to see the happiness on her face. I don’t know if it is the alcohol or my increasingly stalkerish behavior but I was growing nauseous. I drank back my shot and closed my laptop.
Chapter Three
I awoke late on my couch. I got up and quickly grabbed my things. Checking my watch, I knew if I hurried, I could make it to work before Angela. She was the last person I wanted to see. Well, a close second. I took off my button up shirt and made my way into my room to grab a clean one.
I sped to work, hoping no one would be able to smell the lingering fragrance of alcohol on me. I avoided the office, knowing as soon as Angela spotted me she wouldn’t leave me alone.
My classroom was empty and I took a moment to straighten myself up and shrug on my shirt. As I turned back towards the door, I could have sworn I saw Emma’s beautiful face staring back at me. As quickly as she appeared, she was gone. I sunk down into my seat and rested my head in my hands. What was it about her? I barely knew her and she had turned my world completely on its axis. I was beginning to feel again and it scared the shit out of me. I was in no position to care about anyone. Especially someone I did not even know.
The morning drug on and it felt like my first class would never begin. As students began to file into the room I noticed Emma was among them. I had to look away so she wouldn’t see my smirk. Had she taken my warning seriously? Part of me wished she had been late to class so I had an excuse to keep her afterwards. I’m glad she wasn’t. As much as I wanted to be alone with her, I knew it wasn’t the best thing for her. I would allow myself to fantasize but that was as far as it could go.
“Take your seats. It’s time for a pop quiz.” The room let out a collective groan. If a quiz was the worst part of their day, they could consider themselves lucky. The truth was I wasn’t sure I could fight off this hangover long enough to teach them anything.
I sat behind my desk and tried to do anything that would keep my mind off her. It was working for the most part until someone dropped a textbook loudly onto the wooden floor. My eyes immediately met hers. She held my gaze this time, not looking down. She was biting her lip and I was thankful I was sitting down and able to hide my growing wanting for her. I licked my lips and her cheeks burnt pink. I immediately began to shuffle through the papers on my desk. I would have to learn to be in her presence without letting her have this effect on me. I was nothing more than a teacher to her. If she only knew the things I could teach her.
Time sped back up and the class ended before I knew it. I was careful not to meet her gaze as she dropped off her paper and made her way outside of the room. Fuck. I waited for the halls to clear before heading off to the men’s room. I splashed some cold water on my face and avoided my reflection. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I grew uncomfortably hard against my zipper. I slipped my hand down the waist of my pants and readjusted myself. The slightest touch caused a shockwave to ripple through my body. I wanted it to be her hand. I wanted to feel her against me. I gripped myself tighter as I throbbed against my fingers.
The sudden sound of muffled laughter echoed through the walls. I pulled myself from my fantasy and splashed some more water on my face. The laughing grew louder and I realized it was from the adjoining bathroom. I slipped out into the hallway and listened for a moment. The faint smell of marijuana filled the air.
“Girls” I called out in a commanding tone. The giggling ceased immediately. After a moment of whispering, the door finally opened. I almost fell over as I saw Emma staring back at me. She looked terrified but quickly gave way to another fit of laughter. I don’t know what upset me more, her blatant disregard for herself or the fact that she laughed in my face. I clenched my jaw as I tried desperately not to slip into my dom mentality. “Emma? You think this is funny?” I narrowed my eyes at her and waited for a response. She stopped laughing and shook her head no, throwing herself off balance. I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards my classroom, hoping no one had seen her. Was she trying to ruin her life? “You’re lucky I don’t have a class this period.” I pulled her inside the room and closed the door, making sure I drew the blind on the window. She sobered up immediately. She looked scared. I didn’t want her to be afraid of me. I needed to calm down. She wasn’t my concern. If she screwed up her entire life that had nothing to do with me. I ran my hands through my hair and took a moment to calm myself. I grabbed my ruler and spun it in my hands, trying to decide where to go from here. She bit her lip as she eyed the ruler nervously. Did she know what I wanted to do with it? “Stop biting your lip.” I said angrily and slapped the ruler on the desk. She jumped at the loud crack, causing her to bite harder. A thin trail of crimson dotted her pouty lip. Fuck. I had made her hurt herself. She really was scared of me.
“I’m sorry.” She said quietly as her fingers touched her lip. She was sorry? I had caused her to hurt herself and she was apologizing to me. I walked towards her slowly, not wanting to alarm her. I needed to be closer to her, to make her feel at ease. I reached my hand up and slowly ran my fingers over her bloodied lip.
“Breathe” I whispered, leaning in closer. She pulled me to her like a magnet and I was not a strong enough man to resist. We stood painfully close to each other, as time seemed to stop in her presence. I couldn’t be sure but I thought she felt it too. Suddenly a loud ringing broke the spell. I dug my phone from my pocket. Angela was calling to make plans for tonight. I could barely hear her over the thudding of my heart in Emma’s presence. I watched her as she watched me. Her cheeks a slight touch of rose as she bit at her lip out of nervous habit. I narrowed my eyes at her and she quickly released it from her teeth. A natural submissive. I grew hard again at the thought. She turned and wandered around the room allowing me a moment of privacy to end my phone call. I let Angela know I wasn’t feeling up to doing anything. Not her at least.
I walked quietly up behind Emma, who was looking over some posters that hung on the far wall.
“You should get to your next class.” I whispered in her ear as I drank in her flowery scent. She did not turn to face me.
“So, I’m not in trouble?” She asked. If I didn’t know any better, there was disappointment in her voice.
“I didn’t say that.” I couldn’t keep from grinning. She breathed deeply and nodded her head.
“Yes, Sir” She replied as she grabbed her books and made her way back out into the hall. I ran my hands through my hair and laughed at myself. What the f**k was I doing? What the f**k was she doing to me? I slipped my hand inside the waist of my pants and readjusted myself. I knew exactly what she was doing to me. I walked out into the hall to clear my head. Emma stood talking with some friends, no doubt the ones who left her hanging, at the end of the hall.
“Get to class, Ladies.” I called out. Her friends quickly scattered but Emma paused to look back at me. Her bright green eyes locked onto mine before she turned to make her way to her next class. I stepped back inside my room. I needed to get a grip on myself before I did something I would regret. She would regret. I swung at a stack of papers on my desk, sending them flying around me. If Emma did like me, she wouldn’t once she found out what kind of man I really was. I was incapable of getting close to anyone. I would use her and when she got too close, I would hurt her. I had done it countless times before to countless women. The difference was those women where no better than me. They lied, they cheated, and the used me as much as I used them. Emma was not like them. She did not deserve to be treated that way and I wasn’t sure it was possible for me to treat her any differently. Even if I could, what would she say when she saw the kind of things I really liked to do? She would be disgusted. I ran my hands through my hair and slammed them down onto the desk. I had gotten close enough, too close in fact. I needed her to know it could never go anywhere. I wasn’t stupid. I had been with my share of woman. I knew what was going on in her mind. She wanted me, but she wanted more of me than I could ever give.
The next few classes went by painfully slow. As the day ended, I made my way out into the hall, watching as everyone filed by. Then I spotted her and everyone else seemed to fade into the background. Emma was staring directly at me as her friends clung to her side. They were making plans to go out to the movies later that night. Emma agreed to meet them and I shot her a quick smile before slipping back inside my room to grab my things. If she did like me, she wouldn’t after tonight.
Chapter Four
I made my way home through the crowd of traffic as ‘Something I Can Never Have’ echoed through the speakers of my car. Once again, I felt alone. Any happiness I had felt the past few days was gone. Emma would never look at me in any way other than a teacher after tonight.
I made my way upstairs and quickly poured a drink. I drank it down and repeated the ritual a few more times before grabbing my phone and calling Angela.
“I knew you couldn’t resist me.” She purred. My stomach turned. I really needed to make time next week to find myself a sub but for tonight Angela would do for what I needed.
“Want to go out?” She didn’t respond immediately and I contemplated hanging up.
“Yes!” She practically shouted and I realized that taking her out for something other than a public f**k was leading her on even more. I didn’t care.
“Great. Be here in a few hours. Movie starts at eight.”
“Want me to come by early? Maybe have a little fun first?” She asked. I thought about it. I had no reason not to continue to sleep with Angela, especially since I was planning to make Emma never want to look my way again.
“I can’t. I have some things to take care of first.” I lied. I ended the call and poured myself another drink. ‘My dreams aren’t as empty as my conscience seems to be’. The lyric played over and over in my head, taunting me. I needed to remind myself why I didn’t want to fall for Emma. Aside from protecting her from me, I needed to protect myself. I made my way into my room and pulled open my dresser drawer. Tucked away between the clothes was a picture of my ex-wife, Abby. She once was the most beautiful woman in the world to me, but now all I felt was hatred when I looked at her. She had chosen money over me, over our family. My eyes began to blur at the sudden memories that flooded my head. Never again. I slid the picture back into the drawer and got ready for the night.
After a quick shower, I drank a few more shots. I took the elevator up to the next floor to remind myself of who I was. The room was dark and uninviting, a playground for a dom. Perhaps I would bring Angela up here. Who knows, maybe she wouldn’t be that opposed to it and if she was, who cares? She was a dime a dozen.
I heard the doorbell echo throughout the building. I made my way back to my main floor and answered the door. Angela was beaming. I grabbed my wallet and ushered her outside before she could try to squeeze in a quickie.
“What are we going to see?” She asked as she placed her hand on my thigh. I glanced down at her hand and over to her. She drew back her arm quickly. I needed to calm down. Why was I wound so tight? Maybe a quickie wouldn’t have been such a bad idea.
“Slash” I said, avoiding her gaze.
“Well, you may have to hold me tight if I get scared.” I could hear the hopefulness in her voice. Maybe this was a bad idea.
We pulled into the theater a good ten minutes before the previews. I paid for our tickets and we made our way inside. The theater was still empty so I chose a spot in the back row so I could watch as everyone filed in. Just before the lights dimmed, I spotted Emma. She was wearing a tight black dress and f**k me heels. Her hair was curled and all I could think about was wrapping my fingers in it. The lights dimmed and the previews began to play. Angela snuggled in closer to me and I didn’t pull away. It was nice to have the contact, even if I wished it was with someone else.
The movie wasn’t as terrible as I had thought it would be. After a while, I was sucked in to the plot, anxious to see what would happen next. I noticed some commotion up front as Emma stood and tried to make her way through the crowd. It was now or never. I grabbed Angela and slipped out of the back exit into the hall. I pulled her up against the wall and began kissing her. She didn’t protest. I teased my way down her neck as she smacked me playfully on the chest. As my lips met hers, I opened my eyes to glance past her and my gaze immediately fell on Emma. She bit her lip and for a moment, I wished I wouldn’t have come. I wanted so badly for my lips to be on hers. She looked hurt and I knew without a doubt that she had felt what I had. She disappeared into the restroom and I used the time to get myself out of there. She had seen enough to know I wasn’t worth her time.
Chapter Five
I took Angela back to my place and told her I had a migraine. She offered to stay and take care of me but I assured her I would sleep it off. After she had left, I checked the time. The movie would just be ending now. I poured a drink. I couldn’t get her off my mind. I was starting to scare myself. She reminded me of who I used to be. Back before Abby had destroyed everything that I was. Abby was my math teacher in high school. She was the picture of perfection. She made me care about myself, my future. I fell for her quickly. I knew how easy it was for someone vulnerable to fall for someone in a position of power over them. I needed to be careful not to do that to Emma. Look what it got me. I lost the one person I had loved to greed. My father paid her to break my heart and she took the bait. The saddest thing was our unborn child who was lost in the process. I poured another drink and slammed it back.