“I can’t lose her now. I love her.”
Stephen barked out a laugh, and I squeezed my fists, the skin of my knuckles stretching painfully.
“Will, I have known you forever. I know you better than anyone else does. I’m being a friend when I tell you this is heading down a road you have already been down.”
“She’s not Abby.” I said between clenched teeth.
“No, she’s not. But you are still you.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” I pushed the chair back roughly as I stood, leaning down over him. He didn’t flinch or pull away.
“Everyone you touch gets sucked into this force that you have. I am barely struggling to keep my head above water whenever you come around.”
“When I come around? You mean like the time I saved your ass? You mean when I did the fucking dirty work so you wouldn’t have to?”
“Lower your voice.” He leaned forward and talked just barely above a whisper. “I am forever grateful for what you have done, William. But it is time to take a step back and decide if this is all worth it. Is it worth the trail of blood that follows you for some piece of ass?”
I reached out, without thinking, and my fingers wrapped around Stephen’s throat, squeezing slightly.
“Don’t ever talk about her like that. I fucking love her.”
“You love yourself. You don’t know how to feel anything for anyone else outside of hate.” His voice broke as he struggled to take in a breath. I released him, shoving him back as I did so. He rubbed his neck as he looked me over.
“That’s not true.”
“Tell me what it is you love about her?”
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“I’m serious, William. I want to hear you say it.”
“Everything.” I threw my hands up.
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only fucking answer I got.”
“Because you don’t know what love feels like. It’s selfish.” This time he did flinch when I took a step toward him, the threat clear on my face.
“She loves me.”
“Will.” His eyes met mine, sad and regretful.
“You don’t think she loves me? You don’t think I deserve to be loved?” I was raising my voice again, but I couldn’t stop myself. There was a knock at the door, and Stephen and I stared at each other for a long moment.
“We are fine. Just a lively discussion,” he called out with a laugh. I ran my hands through my hair as I tried to figure out where this all went wrong.
“I think she is infatuated. She looks up to you and has no idea how deep she has gotten, and she won’t until it is too late.”
“You think I’ll hurt her? You think she isn’t safe with me? All I want is for her to be safe.” I slammed my hand down on his desk.
“If all that were true, you would walk away.”
I straightened my back as I looked him over. “I can’t.”
His expression turned somber. “Poor Emma.” He shook his head. “It’s not love. It’s infatuation.” Stephen shook his head.
“She is different.”
“Yeah, she is different, William. You aren’t.”
“Are you going to fucking help me or not?”
“Fine,” He motioned with his hand for me to take my seat and laced his fingers together. “Who is the problem now?”
I took a seat, taking a minute to calm myself down before I tried to explain.
“Emma has an aunt who treats her like shit.”
“We all have family that sucks. Look at your father.”
I glared at him but kept my mood level.
“She is J from the club. The club.” I had his attention now. Stephen ran his hand down his jaw and laughed.
“You think this is funny?”
“No. I really don’t.” He grabbed an oversized manila envelope from his drawer and tossed it on the desk. I furrowed my brow as I took it and let the pictures slide on to the desk. Pictures of Abby scattered across the desk, and it took a moment for me to realize where she was. The house in the background was Emma’s.
My eyes met his before I continued to take in what I was seeing. Abby was thin, and her skin grey in the sunlight. J was leaving the house, locking the door behind her. The next picture was of Abby stopping her in the street.
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” I felt the bile rising in my throat. I was too late. J knew who I was. She knew about Emma, and now she knew Abby. “It’s too fucking late.” The enormity of the situation washed over me. Emma was going to leave me. There was no stopping it now.
“It’s not over. I have a high stake in this is well. Unfortunately, your infatuation with Emma has made things a little more complicated.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“This just landed on my desk. I didn’t know the relationship between J and Emma or I would have called you first.”
“Who did you call first?”
Stephen cleared his throat as his eyes danced over the pictures.
“Our hands are dirty enough from this, Will. It’s time we reevaluate and decide what it is we want in the end. It’s time to tie up the loose ends.”
“Abby is a fucking loose end. J didn’t have anything to do with this.”
“She has everything to do with it now.”
I pushed up from my seat and left his office as fast as I could. My mind was spinning, and all I could see was sadness in Emma’s eyes when the last of her family disappeared. It killed me inside to know that it was all because of me. Even if it wasn’t at my hand.
I drove across town to the club, hoping J would be there. I didn’t know what I would say to her. She knew too much. There was no telling how much Abby had said to her. No doubt, her goal was to threaten and make me feel like Emma was no longer safe. It worked. Stephen’s words echoed through my mind. I knew what I felt for Emma was love. I was no longer concerned about how something would affect me; I only wanted to make sure she didn’t get hurt.
I couldn’t see any other outcome. I wanted to prove to Stephen, prove to myself, that my feelings were genuine. I needed to know I wasn’t the monster anymore.
As I made my way to the old strip mall, I pulled in back and sat in my car for a minute, not sure what I was even going to say or do to right this wrong. If all Abby wanted was money, she would have kept my darker secrets hidden. Spreading the word would destroy her leverage. So what was it she had to confess?
I got out of my car and stalked off toward the door, glancing around to make sure no one had noticed me. As I pulled open the door to the club, J’s eyes shot up and locked on to mine, widening a fraction. I glanced down at the women who waited for their male companions to arrive.
“Can we talk?” I asked as I stepped closer to her desk. Her eyes danced around for a moment, seemingly satisfied that she had sufficient witnesses. She nodded once and stepped out from behind the desk. I followed her down the hallway to an open door on the left.
I pulled the door closed behind me, not bothering to lock it. I didn’t want her to be scared, and I had no idea how much she even knew.
“I heard we have a friend in common.”
“Several,” her voice was barely a whisper. I nodded, swallowing hard.
“I need to know what Abby told you.” My eyes met hers, and I knew she could see the threat behind them. J backed up a step before taking a seat on the edge of a small bed against the wall.
“She said she knew Emma and that she was in danger.”
“She threatened Emma?” The anger was boiling inside of me again.
“No. She said you were the danger.”
That felt like a blow to the stomach.
“J, I would never hurt Emma.”
“Like you would never hurt your ex-wife?” Her eyes darted to the door for a fraction of a second, but I caught it.
“Abby is as innocent as she seems.”
“She seems like a frail drug addict on the verge of death.”
“I don’t want Emma to get hurt. I would do anything to protect her.”
The look of concern left J, and the air in the room changed.
“Anything?” Her eyebrow cocked, and she pushed to her feet. I shook my head, wishing to fucking god this shit would end. I knew J was a bitch, but I never thought when push came to shove she would put herself above Emma.
“I am in love with Emma. All I want is to make sure she sees none of this.”
“That could be arranged.” She smirked, and I struggled to contain the anger that was boiling inside of me.
I crossed the room in two large strides, looming over her as I grabbed the hair in the back of her head. I yanked back forcefully, making her look me in the eye.
“You have no idea what you are asking from me. I’m giving you a chance to change your mind. Do the right thing, J.”
She swallowed hard, but her lips quirked in a smile.
“You don’t scare me, William.”
A slow grin spread across my face. “That is your first mistake.”
“Why her?” I could hear pain in her voice.
“It never would have been you.” I spat angrily as I released her hair and turned for the door. “Be home around seven tonight,” I called over my shoulder as I left the room. This place felt claustrophobic, no longer a retreat. I couldn’t get out of the building fast enough.
After I got in my car, I slammed my hands against the steering wheel angrily. I refused to do this to Emma. She didn’t deserve it. I needed to learn to walk away. I needed to cut all ties, but now it was too late. Too many people knew my secrets. Emma had no one. J didn’t give a fuck about her safety. She was jealous of her niece. How could I walk away now?
I had a few hours before J would be at her house waiting for me. Now I just needed a place to kill time. I couldn’t go back home or Emma would want to take me to meet her aunt. There was no way this could work out. I had very few options left. I could give J what she wanted, but where would it end? I could never look Emma in the eye if I did. I was far from a saint, but that would be the ultimate act of betrayal.
I pulled out my phone and dialed Stephen. He picked up on the first ring.
“This is over.” I squeezed my eyes closed, begging for my headache to fade.
“We want the same end game, William. I don’t want any more bloodshed to further our gain. I just want to know that I am safe.”
I nodded to myself. I knew J would not take to being threatened. She wanted one thing. I wasn’t willing to give it to her.
“She doesn’t know anything incriminating.” The crippling pain in my chest nearly cut off my words. I would be sacrificing my relationship with Emma by putting her above me. I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life, but for once, I needed to do what was right.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” My feelings for Emma saved me, and they would be the very thing that destroyed me.
Stephen sighed loudly into the phone.
“I liked you better when you didn’t have a conscience.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. I liked it better too. Life was easier when I didn’t have to worry about someone else. I didn’t give a fuck about J, and if it weren’t for Emma, I wouldn’t care if she rotted in a gutter. I wished my problem was a sudden urge to care for others, but that wasn’t the case. It was only Emma. It would only ever be Emma.
I let the reality of the situation wash over me. It was out of my hands now. That was the best I could do for her. I knew without a doubt that I would not be able to stop myself from teaching J a lesson. I was not the type to give in to blackmail. It was almost painful to give up control of the situation, but I had to do it for Emma. Stephen was far from a killer, and I knew he would do anything to keep the blood from rising to his front door. I would let the cards fall where they may and hope that Emma and I could move past whatever she might discover.