She didn’t talk about the other type of breathing, the kind where it’s quiet. Like when someone is sleeping. You know they’re going to die. They haven’t eaten, or drank anything in days. When they stopped emptying their stomachs. When they just lay there, and you can’t help them. You can’t make it go away. You can just lay there with them, and listen for the next soft breath because when they stop breathing, that’s when you know you’re lying next to a dead child.
She didn’t talk about that sound because it was the worst of all.
Jonah murmured, so damned gently, “A buddy of mine told me once that he could handle the nightmares. He always knew to just expect them, but it was the flashbacks that got him. He said they’d rip through him like a scorned tornado.”
Scorned tornado. She felt her mouth curve up at that. “What happened to him?”
“A kid went under. He tried to save him, but the undercurrent swept the kid out of his grasp. The body had moved farther down the river by the time he got to him, it was too late. He said when they found the body he couldn’t get the eyes out of his head. They were glossed over.”
He wasn’t looking at her, but staring out the screen to the water. The moonlight shone down on it, and the wind was making small ripples over the surface. Was he thinking of that kid right now? Imagining him? Or was his buddy actually himself? Jonah must’ve seen more than his fair share of dead bodies, but it was true. One minute, life was there and the next there was nothing. No life. No soul. Nothing. A person would keep looking, expecting them to suddenly become alert, life would come back to them, but it didn’t happen.
Once they were gone, they were gone.
Her voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. She was holding onto her beer like it was a life preserver. “They stopped breathing. They stopped moving, even the slightest twitches. Sometimes the fingers were the only things that moved, and I just knew when the little pinkie stopped moving. I couldn’t bring myself to look in the eyes after a while.”
She’d never admitted that before, not even to herself.
“Can we not…” Her voice was hoarse. “Can we not talk about this anymore?”
“Want to get piss drunk instead?”
“Yes.”
That was what they did. She remembered asking him to hold her when she got sleepy. She remembered holding his hand, and saying, “Boone would hold my hand sometimes in the hospital.”
She remembered him asking, “Did that help?”
She didn’t remember what she said after that, except he stood up and held out his hand. “Come on.”
He pulled the bedcovers back. Dani crawled under the covers, and she remembered him holding her. He was wrapped all around her.
She remembered asking, “Why are you doing this?”
“I don’t really know.” He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “Go to sleep.”
And she remembered curling her fingers around his.
Dani slipped out from underneath Jonah’s arm. Six in the morning. They’d slept for a few hours. Not long, but enough for her. After the bathroom, she went to the kitchen for coffee, and rested against the counter.
She hadn’t had the nightmares, but she dreamt of Erica instead. Her little sister had been at the end of her bed. She smiled, beautifully, and Dani remembered feeling the love from her sister. It was warming, and it felt pure. When Erica turned and left, that was when Dani woke up. And the weird part was next—she wanted her sister to be there.
It felt so real.
“Hey.”
Dani started, seeing Jonah in the doorway. He asked, “Did you have a nightmare?”
“No, I woke up a few minutes ago.”
“It’s a little after six.” Jonah yawned as he raked a hand through his hair. “I’ll need to go in, but that’s not for a bit. Come back to bed. We can sleep a little longer.”
It sounded wonderful, but her hands curled tighter around her coffee cup. “Jonah, I…”
Jonah waved her off. “I know.”
She didn’t say anything more and followed him back to the bed. He crawled in first and held the covers up for her as she slid in. He pulled her against his side, but stayed on his back. Within seconds, Dani heard the slow methodical breathing from him and knew he had fallen asleep. She stayed awake, but remained tucked under his arm.
She kept her eyes open.
Just in case…
But no Erica came again, and when she knew she couldn’t sleep, she slid out of his arms again. Instead of heading back for more coffee, she went for a quick run. He was on the dock when she came back.
She waved from a few yards away. “I’ll stop here. Don’t wanna foul-odor you to death.”
Jonah grinned. “Much appreciated, but I’m a man. I’ve smelled worse, guaranteed.”
“Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.”
Jonah moved to sit on the end, his toes in the water, and he patted the seat next to him. There was enough room for two between the posts. “How far did you go?”
“Far enough.”
Jonah shook his head. “How far?”
“Three miles.”
He whistled softly. “Must’ve run pretty hard to get back when you did.”
“Think I was trying to outrun my problems,” Dani admitted ruefully, kicking her feet lightly in the water. The water felt good, but that just meant the day was going to be a scorcher.
“What woke you the second time?”