Sam, will you just –
I didn’t want to hear it. I slammed up my mental shields; Victor had made sure I had strong ones to ensure I could resist any vampiric attempts at brainwashing. If Jared was going to shut me out then I’d shut him out as well. He remained uncharacteristically quiet through the entire meeting which I thought was pretty wise because keeping a low profile in front of me was the only way I was going to calm down.
After much debating it was eventually decided that The Hollow’s legion would cover the North of the island, Bran’s legion would cover the East, Connelly’s would cover the West, and Kaiser’s would cover the South. It was also agreed that Alora would join Evan’s legion for the attack; I suspected that this was the only way he’d be able to function, having her there where he could see she was safe.
The second Antonio announced that the meeting was over I was on my feet. Apparently Jared’s common sense had left him because he tried to speak to me again. I pointed at him hard. “You stay out of my face.”
“Why can’t you just -”
“Sam,” called Antonio as he approached, “might Luther, Sebastian and I have a word?” He gestured for me to follow them, and Jared, the cheeky twat, actually went to follow. “Alone,” Antonio added. Jared spat a profanity at the ceiling and then stormed off muttering to himself. It wasn’t until we were inside one of Antonio’s many parlours, settled on a bulky sofa that he spoke again. “I can only apologise for Jared’s behaviour. I had thought that he would have accepted the situation and swallowed his pride by now.”
“I don’t want to talk about him,” I said as I stroked Nero attentively, hoping to calm myself. “Let’s just get down to business, shall we. You want to know what my new gift is, right?”
Antonio, Luther and Sebastian exchanged excited looks.
“The wait has been agonising,” admitted Luther with a smile.
“I doubt your suffering was much worse than the shock I had when it surfaced.” Seeing their looks of expectation, I decided to teasingly spoon feed them info. Simple pleasures and all that. I smiled. “It’s really good.”
“How good?”
“It turns out that this gift doesn’t run in Sventé lines either.” I heard them all gasp slightly. “Should I be shocked by that or did you expect it to not be a Sventé gift considering that my other one isn’t?”
“We had no way of knowing,” replied Antonio.
“It runs in Pagori lines just like Feeders. Oi, you don’t think I’m really a Pagori, do you?”
“You’re definitely a Sventé as you well know,” said Antonio impatiently.
Sebastian appealed to me with a look. “Is the suspense really necessary?”
“It’s pretty rare.”
“Oh Sam do stop this and satisfy three old men’s raging curiosity.”
“It turns out I’m now a Merger as well as a Feeder.”
All three men gasped again then smiled approvingly.
Luther puffed. “I hadn’t seen that coming.”
“Oh this is even better than what my guesses were,” said Antonio. “I’ve only ever met one Merger before. It is a substantial gift. He described the sensation of Merging with someone as slightly painful and uncomfortable but also very empowering.”
I nodded. “You feel full of power, like you could do just about anything.”
“That is why it can also be a very dangerous gift to have.”
I nodded again. “It was so odd. I could tap into every single bit of energy that was inside Joy -”
“Joy?” asked Antonio, a brow arched. I continued on, regardless.
“- but I knew there was no way I’d be able to use her gift because she was resisting the whole experience. But I could have drained her.” Full points to me for resisting.
“As I said, it is a dangerous gift to have. People can become drugged on the energy and power. But, then again, being a Feeder can be just as dangerous and yet you have more than mastered that. Still, be careful with it, Sam. Be wary of using it during the attack; you are still new to it and that would be the wrong time to experiment with it.”
“What would be the point of having these gifts if I ain’t going to use them?” I’d be using them for something else very soon too, and I was as eager as hell for it. Jared would have no room to moan because he’d brought this on himself.
(Jared)
Shit! Shit! Shit!
There was no denying that I had well and truly f**ked up. Just when I’d had Sam starting to relax around me and open up to me, I went and said something that pretty much guaranteed that she would hate me. I knew what leading the squad meant to her. I knew that she was capable of leading them during an attack. In fact, she was one of the most capable commanders I’d ever met. I knew how much the squad would benefit from having her there during the attack. I knew how much I’d benefit from having her there. I knew that she could take care of herself and didn’t need mine or anyone else’s protection.
So why didn’t I want her covering the front line with me?
Because just the thought of her being in that level of danger made me feel ill inside, no matter how capable she was.
And why did the idea of her in danger make me feel ill inside?
For the same reason that the idea of her in danger scared the crap out of me: I loved the crazy bitch.
I’d realised it the second I teleported into the office and saw her with Max. Or, I should say, I saw Joy with Max. It explained so much: why I hadn’t been able to shake her off, why I’d wanted her so badly and so completely, why I sensed her and her emotions. I didn’t know when it happened or if it had been a gradual thing that had only crept up on me today. I just knew that it was real and that if anything at all ever happened to her I’d never be able to get through it.
I also knew that I couldn’t tell her.
Sam had told me that time in her apartment that she didn’t want to love anyone ever again, that she didn’t want anything complicated. Telling her I loved her would be a sure-fire way to make her keep as far away from me as possible. I was going to have a hard enough time getting her to calm down for me after what went on in the meeting so mentioning the word ‘love’ was out of the question.
Sick of twiddling my thumbs and procrastinating, I teleported from my apartment to the office to see her and face the music. I frowned at the empty room. Next I tried her apartment. No Sam there either. Was she staying away from the obvious places because she didn’t want to see me? She had to know that all I had to do was tap into that link we had and use it to find her. Unless she wasn’t aware of the link...?