He lets me go, and storms away. My heart is thudding, and his words burn me to my very core.
Because they’re true.
They’re so horribly, painfully, true.
CHAPTER 18
PRESENT
“Order up!” I yell, sliding a tray of beer towards Mindy.
She spins, grips the tray and takes it to the group of bikers sitting on the table to the left of us. I begin pouring another lot of beers. I hear the rumble of Harley’s coming into the compound, and I realize my father and the guys are back from their trip to find Jasper. I finish up with the beers, and walk out to greet them. When my father sees me, he puts a smile on his face, but it’s fake. I can see right through him.
“You didn’t find him, did you?” I say when I get close.
“No, we couldn’t find him.”
My chest tightens, but I force a smile. “It will be fine. He’ll show up.”
“He could be hiring anyone to find you now Spike has pulled out.”
“Did you ever think of asking Spike to tell him where I am, and luring him close?”
“Thought of it, but it’s too risky. If one of us isn’t on our game, just for a second, he could have you.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m goin’ to talk to Spike.”
“Why?”
“Because he can make contact, might be able to track the bastard.”
“He will come out, Dad, you shouldn’t be risking so much trying to find him.”
Jackson gives me a sharp look. “The fucker raped my baby girl and made her life a living hell. I’m going to kill him, slowly. I’ll put every waking minute into finding him.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” I whisper, sounding far more vulnerable than I would like.
Jackson meets my gaze, and he gives me the best smile he can muster up. “If I died defending you, Addi, then I would die knowing I finally did what was right by you.”
I nod, though my chest hurts after his words. Jackson leans down, brushing his lips across my head. I close my eyes and just let the moment sink in; it’s a moment I’ve waited my entire life for. The moment, where everyone who should love you, does. When Jackson pulls back, I give him my best attempt at a smile, which isn’t great, but it’s something. And something is better than nothing, right?
He gives me one last smile, then disappears into the compound with the guys. I am just about to head in after them, but I see Cade standing at the door of his shed. He’s still angry at me, and yes, I can see why. I deserve everything I got from him. I wave to him, but he simply turns and walks inside. Sighing, I stomp across the dirt until I reach the shed door. I step inside and see him fiddling with his bike. I don’t honestly know what to say to make this better. A simple apology just won’t do it.
“I fucked up,” I begin, and he looks up from his bike. His green eyes meet mine. “You’re right, I could have put everyone in danger. I was thinking of myself, and my determination to avoid being controlled. I don’t have an excuse for that. I won’t use my past, because I don’t live in it anymore. I should have listened to you, but I didn’t, for that I’m sorry.”
His eyes narrow, but he doesn’t say anything, so I continue.
“I’ve lived so long avoiding being controlled, that it’s almost built into me. I want to be with you, Cade, but I don’t want to be in a relationship where I don’t get a say so in my own life.”
“Picked the wrong fuckin’ man then.”
“Cade,” I snap. “Don’t…just listen…”
“I’m listening, sugar,” he rasps. “I’m fuckin’ listenin’ to every word. I know what you’re sayin’. I feel what you’re sayin’, but it doesn’t mean I’m goin’ to back down. I am what I am, and when it comes to protectin’ you, I’ll do what I have to fuckin’ do, even if you don’t like it. You gotta learn to trust that, or you’ll just end up hatin’ me.”
He’s right, I hate it, but I know he’s right. Every time he’s told me to back down, it’s been for a damn good reason. I need to let go, or I’ll end up hurt and without anybody to protect me.
“You’re right, I do need to trust you, and I do. What I did, it was fucked up and wrong. It could have ended badly. I’m only lucky it didn’t.”
“You gonna start listenin’ to me?”
I nod. “If you start being nicer about it.”
“If I think you’re makin’ a mistake, I ain’t gonna be fuckin’ nice about it. Don’t mean I don’t care about you, ‘coz I fuckin’ do. The reason I do it, is ‘coz the idea of losin’ you, is somethin’ I can’t fuckin’ live with.”
And there it is. The words I so desperately needed to hear. I walk over, gripping his face. He grumbles as I bring my lips down over his. He reaches up, tangling his hands in my hair, and deepening the kiss. Our tongues slide against one another’s, and my body aches for him. He presses against me, hard and aching, and I want him. I need him.
“I want you,” I murmur against his lips.
“Take me then, baby,” he growls.
I begin lowering to my knees, and his eyes grow hooded. He knows what I want. I know what I want, and so I’m just going to take it. I grip his belt, yanking it off before unbuttoning his jeans. His hard cock springs free as soon as I slide them down just a touch. He tangles his fingers into my hair again, and rasps, “Suck me, baby, hard.”