I’m screaming so loudly I miss the sound of the Harley-Davidson. When I lower my head, I see him. The light from his bike illuminates him, and he just stands there, arms crossed, watching me scream at nothing. Of course he’d be the fucking one to stop. Of course! Tears blur my vision, but I can see the pain in his face, even through them. My heart hammers, and I hate that he’s seen me like this - vulnerable, angry and alone. He continues to see the weak parts of me. My breathing is heavy, my chest rises and falls dramatically. It takes me a moment to calm myself enough to speak, and when I do it comes out as a broken rasp.
“Fuck off, Spike. I don’t need you here.”
“What the fuck are you doin’ out here, alone, at this time of the night?” he says, his voice raspy, too.
“My car ran out of gas!” I scream at him. “Because you and your friends trashed the bar and I had to pay for it. I can’t even afford to put fucking gas in my car!”
I laugh now, but it’s not a happy, cheerful laugh. It’s a broken, “go figure” laugh. Spike’s eyes scan my body, as if checking for injury. His eyes settle on the leg I’m lifting just slightly off the ground because it hurts so badly.
“You’re hurt.”
“I kicked my car, it’s fine.”
“Get on the bike, and I’ll take you home.”
“Fuck you!” I hiss.
He crosses his arms. “Swear at me as much as you like, I ain’t leavin’ you here alone.”
“Why do you keep coming to my rescue, Spike? You don’t even like me. Stop wasting my time, and yours. Just leave me alone.”
“I wasn’t comin’ to your rescue, I was ridin’ past and saw a car with the doors open and no one in it. Didn’t know it was yours till I heard you screamin’.”
“Whatever. I’m going to call Cade, or Addison...I don’t need your help.”
“Cade and Addi are out of town.”
“Well I’ll call Jackson!”“What for? I’m already here?”
I throw my hands up and snarl, “Because I don’t want you here! Because I don’t want to go anywhere near you. Because I fucking hate you, Danny!”
He jerks, and his eyes widen, as though I have slapped him across the face. He’s shocked. Well good, I don’t care anymore. I’m sick of fucking caring for someone who just refuses to see it. He’s so determined to push me away.
“This is all your fault!” I continue, my voice sounding choked up. “It’s all your fault! Yours and hers. You two were so selfish, you never thought of anyone else. I have no home, no family, because they don’t want me in their lives because I’m not good enough! Because I’m not Cheyenne!”
“I’m not the only fuckin’ selfish one. You are too, Ciara. You fucked off, you never even gave me a motherfuckin’ chance. We were friends, and you fucked me over as much as I fucked you over.”
“We were never friends!” I bellow. “I was just a way to get to Cheyenne. You fucked me, to get to Cheyenne.”
“That’s fuckin’ bullshit!” he roars. “It’s fuckin’ bullshit! I cared about you long before she came into the picture. What do you call all those times we spent together? I didn’t fuckin’ know her then. We were friends before her, and it didn’t fuckin’ matter to you when you stood in that courtroom and told the judge I was a piece of shit!”
“You are!” I scream, shaking. “You are such an asshole Spike. You saw her, and suddenly I didn’t matter. We were friends, you’re right, but that didn’t matter to you when you fucked me to get back at her!”
“That’s not the only motherfuckin’ reason I did it!” he snarls, clenching his fists.
“Really, well why did you do it then? Did you feel like popping a fucking cherry?”
“I did it ‘cause I fuckin’ wanted to. I didn’t fuckin’ know you were a fuckin’ virgin! God dammit, Ciara. You think you know every fuckin’ thing!”
“You’re such a liar! You lie so much you forget what it is you started lying about. Don’t you dare try and tell me you didn’t know I was a virgin. You knew I wasn’t seeing anyone, we were friends for years. You KNEW!”
“I didn’t fuckin’ know!”
I storm towards him, only to realize my foot is still throbbing. I trip as soon as my weight falls on it and I stumble, going ass over head into the dirt, hurting my toe further. That does it for me. I scream angrily and pummel my fists into the dirt. I am so sick of this hurt, so sick of feeling like everything is because of me, everything is my fault, everything that went wrong, is on me.
“I was never enough for you,” I rasp. “I cared about you. Fuck Spike, I loved you. But you didn’t fucking see me. You just saw her. I was never pretty enough, never good enough, I couldn’t compare. You didn’t even kiss me! Do you know that? You fucked me, you put your tongue in my pussy, your mouth on my breasts but you didn’t fucking kiss me. Not once. That’s how much respect you showed me that night! NONE!”
He takes an angry step forward and reaches down, gripping my shoulders and hurling me up so I’m flat against him. The emotion between us right now is huge, it’s consuming me, making my heart hurt, making my head ache. I hate that I want him so much. I love that I have him right now. I fucking love and hate everything that’s happening.