"Oh, my gods. What are you trying to say?" I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach I wasn't going to want to hear what she had to say.
"I'm saying that the person who created this is a sadist. Has to be. I had Mal en analyze it, and he was just as shocked as I was to see the results."
"What's it contain?" Camil e managed to push herself to a ful sitting position. She looked like she was starting to snap out of it.
Sharah's face was drawn, and she paled even further. "This is bad, guys. The herbs--not so much, but the other ingredients needed to give it a punch are pretty gruesome. Valerian, marijuana, chamomile, and grain alcohol . . . al standard for a control ing gas--and a couple of them dangerous enough on their own. But then we found desiccated scent gland extract from a male alpha lycanthrope added to the mix. And powdered pituitary gland--also from an alpha werewolf. Male, because of the amount and the trace smel . Mal en said he's seen this sort of thing before. I'm going to bring him in and have him explain it to you."
She disappeared out the door, and I looked over at Chase, who shook his head. "I don't know what it means, either," he said.
Pale and shaky, Camil e forced herself to sit up and slide her feet over the edge of the bed, clinging to the side rails. "I know what it takes to make that crap. I've heard of it, though it's not al owed in most covens or coteries."
"Wouldn't we have heard about it being used around Seattle?" I asked.
"I'm not so sure. But--"
Sharah entered the room again, fol owed by Mal en. She nodded for him to go ahead. "Go for it."
Mal en gave us a brief smile, then launched into an explanation. "What we're dealing with here is known by several terms. Wolf Briar, for one, and on the streets it goes by the nickname 'hair of the wolf.' As Sharah said, it's a combination of herbs and desiccated adrenal glands and the powdered pituitary glands of an alpha werewolf."
"They'd have to be kil ed, wouldn't they, to extract those glands?" I was beginning to understand the underlying issue.
"Oh yes, but there's more. Not only are they kil ed and dissected to retrieve the glands, but they're enraged before death to heighten the flow of adrenaline and testosterone." Mal en, an elf, was probably far older than we were, but he barely looked old enough to shave. When he spoke, his presence was quietly commanding.
Chase looked confused. "What does that mean?"
"It means that most of these cases involve imprisoning male werewolves, goading them into fight-or-flight stances, and then murdering them. Most likely involves torture, as wel ." Mal en had a look of faint distaste on his face. Elves were good at keeping their emotions close. That look alone told me he was upset.
Camil e let out a little snarl. "Fucking pervs. But how can they possibly be capturing enough alpha males? Wouldn't somebody notice?"
A question we'd al been thinking, by the nods Sharah and Chase gave her. But Mal en shook his head.
"Here's where it gets even worse. Some sorcerers--and usual y sorcerers are the ones who conjure this evil mess--have devised ways to force a beta male into temporary alpha status. Nobody notices the lone werewolf who vanishes, or the raggle-taggle whipping boy of the Pack who suddenly disappears. Happens al the time--low wolf on the ladder strikes out to make a life on his own rather than get shoved around. Most of the lycanthrope Packs are hierarchal to a bureaucratic degree. And most are highly patriarchal. You catch one of these betas, feed him enough steroids, and boom, you have a forced alpha male."
I sucked on my bottom lip, thinking. "How long does the Wolf Briar last? Does it travel wel ?"
Mal en shook his head. "No, this is one of the brews that you have to use right away, in order to preserve the energy of the glands."
"So, for example, someone couldn't bring it al the way from Arizona and be sure it wil stil work?" If Rice had stooped to using Wolf Briar, knowing what its ingredients were, then he'd most likely have brought it with him.
"No. My guess? Local y made in the past few days. There's probably a dead werewolf body hanging around somewhere. If you can find the corpse, you'l find he's been dissected."
Camil e winced. "People are extremely good at getting rid of bodies when it suits their needs, and we can be sure that this won't be the first time the sorcerer in question has stooped to making it. These potions are tricky and take many years to learn how to craft. We're going to be looking for someone skil ed. A necromancer wouldn't bother with this crap. But a sorcerer, seeing the chance for good money . . ."
"Magic shop?" I asked. "We should start dropping in around town trying to find someone who fits the bil ."
"Right." She nodded. "But skip the neo-pagan FBH shops. They wouldn't have the know-how or skil , though perhaps a strega might. But the sorcerers--
they're another matter. And we can't rule out that it might be someone from OW or from the Sub Realms."
"Meanwhile, where is Amber?" I turned back to Mal en. "Just what wil Wolf Briar do to a female werewolf? And a pregnant one, at that?"
"Make her pliable. What it does to any non-alpha male and any female is amp up the innate reflex to obey authority that werewolves are born with."
I glanced at Camil e. "So we can be sure that the Wolf Briar made Amber passively obey whoever kidnapped her. You know, Rice might have used it to avoid creating a scene."
Camil e paused before gingerly trying to stand up. She dropped back on the bed. "Fuck, this stuff is bad. We need to establish whether Rice is stil in Arizona. Of course, he could be working through someone else, but I think it would behoove us to find out where he is. He may be abusive, and he might want Amber back, but would a werewolf real y chance chal enging the Pack leader by using something so anathema to his race?"
"It doesn't make sense, does it?" With that thought, I let out a long sigh. "You think you're ready to head home for now? We need Menol y's input, and maybe the boys have found out something about the sixth spirit seal."
Camil e nodded, turning to Sharah. "Am I cleared to go?"
Sharah checked her over once more, quickly. "You look okay. Cal me if you have any signs of a relapse. Meanwhile--a lot of fresh air and water to get the residual Wolf Briar out of your system, and you rest tonight. No gallivanting around."
Chase promised to stay in contact, and we headed out to my Jeep. As I helped Camil e into the passenger side from the wheelchair--Sharah wouldn't let her walk to the car--she winced and rubbed her temples.
"Headache?" I lightly massaged her neck, and she sucked in a deep breath, then slowly let it out again.
"Yeah, aftereffects. Sharah warned me I might have a few periods of dizziness and that I could use a good solid night of sleep."
"We'l make sure you get it." I swung into the driver's seat and fastened my seat belt. Frowning, I shook my head. "This sucks. This al sucks. I wish we could just chuck it al and go home to Otherworld and settle down on a farm and I could raise rabbits and animals, and you could worship the Moon Mother, and Menol y could . . . wel . . . she could do whatever she wanted to do."
"Do you real y wish that, though?" Camil e asked. "Would you truly change things with the Autumn Lord if you had the chance? I'm a priestess now, I'm going to have to start training with Morgaine, and I'm pledging myself to Aeval's court, which wil most likely make Father boot me out of the family. But . . . I wouldn't trade it for a cozy cottage and a flower garden. Those things would be nice, but I don't think I'd turn back the clock, except for Shadow Wing. I'd real y rather not be fighting him and his cronies."
As I maneuvered the Jeep out of the parking lot, I thought about what she'd just said. "I don't know. I can't answer--not yet. Let me think about it for a while. In the meantime, what next?"
Camil e frowned. "We go home and figure out what to do next. I also think that someone should pay a visit to Carter this evening and talk to him about Stacia, the training camp, and the best way to proceed. He seems to have his finger on the pulse of the Demonkin, and I trust him. In fact, let's do that before we go home."
"Are you nuts? Look at the shape you're in. Sharah would kil you. And do you real y want to visit Carter without taking Vanzir? Don't you think that's a little dangerous?" To be honest, I was intrigued. Carter fascinated me.
"I'l be okay, I won't do anything strenuous, and we'l go home right afterward." She fel silent, then said, "How are you doing now? You know . . . after seeing Chase."
I flipped on my left blinker, and we turned onto the freeway, heading toward Carter's. He didn't live far from the FH-CSI building, not in relative terms.
Barring bad traffic, we'd end up in his neighborhood in ten minutes.
"I'm trying to keep calm about the whole thing. There's nothing I can do. If I tried to hang on to Chase, he'd come to resent me. If I argue and fight, then our connection with Chase wil be strained, and that would not be a good thing. It was bad enough when I caught him with Erika."
Erika had been trouble . . . or rather, Chase had gotten himself in trouble with her. A little voice in the back of my head whispered that, regardless of the fact that I'd forgiven him for lying to me, regardless of the fact that I'd decided to give our relationship another try, my trust in him had been permanently damaged.
The fact that he'd slept with her wasn't the problem--it was the fact that he hid it, that he lied to me about it. I was beginning to think that maybe I wasn't cut out for a monogamous relationship. Camil e certainly wasn't. Menol y wasn't. Maybe I was more my father's daughter than I'd tried to believe.
Camil e let out a slow sigh. "I'm going to say something, and then I'm going to leave it alone. I'm pretty sure you'l get an earful from Menol y when she gets you alone next and finds out what happened."
I grimaced, but they were my sisters, and we nosed our way into each other's lives al the time. "Go on."
"I honestly don't believe you were ever set up to make it with Chase. You've had a good run. You both gave it a good try, but I predict that the day he finds a woman wil ing to stay at home, have his children, and not make waves is the day he'l real y fal in love. Chase is a decent man, he's a damned good cop, but he can't give you what you need, Kitten. Not for all of your sides. And unlike my three men, I don't think he's truly wil ing to share you--not in the long run."
She paused, then--as I remained silent--continued. "You're a two-faced Were. More than that, you're a Death Maiden, for the sake of the gods. As much as you want him to enter your world, even with the Nectar of Life, and even if he finds his own power, he'l never be able to match you. Not unless his powers blow him sky-high. Better this happens now than twenty years down the line. Better this happens now, before you have a child with him."
I stared at the road, watching the asphalt grind beneath the wheels of my Jeep. With every passing inch, with every foot of pavement that disappeared beneath us, I knew she was right. I'd known al along, which is why I felt conflicted when it came to Zachary and my sexual attraction toward him.
"What's your opinion about Zach?" I asked quietly.
"You real y want to hear?"
I nodded. "Yeah, give it to me."
"He's too frightened to be your mate. He's scared. He doesn't want to be out on the front line, and it wouldn't be fair to put him there. Last time we did . .
." Her voice trailed off.
I blinked back tears. "Just say it: Last time we took him with us on a fight, he almost got kil ed, and he's stil in a wheelchair. Just part of our col ateral damage," I added bitterly. "He won't even talk to me now, you know. He won't answer the phone when I cal ; he won't al ow them to bring me back to his rehab room to see him in person."
"That is his choice, Kitten, not yours." She leaned her head against the back of the seat. "Of course, you feel horrible about his injuries. We al do. And I know you find him attractive, but be honest, Kitten. You don't love him. That's plain to see. If you did, you would have left Chase for him."
"Yes but . . . we put him in danger."
"True, but it was his choice to go with us. He was hurt saving Chase's life--an action he decided to take. He is a hero, and a bad accident happened.
But just because he was seriously injured doesn't mean you owe him your life. You can't love him just because he's paralyzed. That wouldn't be fair to either of you. And you know Zach wouldn't want you that way."
Hot tears wel ed up in my eyes. I blinked them away. I had never, ever vocalized how I felt about Zachary Lyonnesse's injuries, but Camil e hit the nail on the head. I felt guilty because I enjoyed him in bed, but I couldn't fal in love with him. I felt guilty because he was hurt and in a wheelchair. I felt guilty because he wanted me to choose him . . . and now I was free, but I couldn't do it.
"How'd you get to be so smart?" I muttered as I swerved onto the exit that would lead us to Carter's home.
"I'm married to three men. I may not know how to run your computer al that wel , I may not be able to kick ass like Menol y, my magic may be fucked-up part of the time, but trust me on this: I know men. And I know you."
She laughed, throaty and ful and rich, and my tension slid away like melting butter on a cob of corn. I inhaled a deep breath and wil ed the guilt to wash away, wil ed the pain to fade.
"So, even though Chase and I are . . . just friends now, you're saying that it's okay that I don't turn to Zach." I glanced over at her quickly, then back to the road. She was smiling.