His brows go up and I try not to take note of how gorgeous he is, freshly showered and smelling amazing.
“Are you?”
I look up. “Pardon?”
“Are you interested?”
I scoff. “Um, no.”
He grins. “Exactly.”
“No fair.” The girl pouts and then walks over to the dresser, grabbing her purse. She’s gorgeous, damn her. All legs and breasts and ass. I shake my head and turn, walking towards the stairs—when I reach the base I turn and yell out to Jax.
“Hurry it up, Shields, we’re late.”
“On it, boss,” he yells back.
I walk down the stairs smiling. Jax and I get along in a comfortable way. I guess that happens when you spend all your time with someone. Not that I know a great deal about Jax, except for the fact that he can be funny and broody at the same time, then he falls into cranky and silent if he’s had a bad day. He’s also a manwhore, but he doesn’t hide it nor is he ashamed of it.
I respect that.
I get to the bottom of the stairs and open Jax’s fridge, finding some milk. I use his coffeemaker to make us both a coffee while I wait for him to come down. Being a bodyguard, I’ve learned, is not just about protecting the person. You become so much more. Hell, I’m his personal assistant, his housemaid, and his stylist. And I love it.
Nak told me that on a full-time case like this, bodyguards often become like personal assistants to keep themselves busy. There’s no rule against it, so when Jax is working, I spend a lot of time organizing things for him, helping him out, ordering food, things like that. And when we’re at his apartment and he’s busy, I find myself cleaning and sorting things. It makes my job that much easier.
“You’re a lifesaver,” Jax says, appearing beside me in a fresh suit. He plucks the coffee cup from my hands and groans as he takes the first sip.
“You know it,” I say. “Where’d your ‘sharing is caring’ girl go?”
“She’s on the phone. I told her to let herself out.”
I frown. “I can’t allow that, Jax.”
He stares at me. “Why the fuck not?”
I snort. “Seriously? She could leave your door open, not set the alarm, let someone in to plant a bomb…”
“All right,” he says, throwing his hands up. “I’ll get her out.”
“Hurry it up, we have to go or you’ll be late for your meeting.”
He grunts. “Since when did you care about my business?”
“I don’t, I just want time to stop for a blueberry muffin.”
He walks away muttering to himself.
I smile and finish up my coffee. He comes down a minute later with the girl trailing behind him. She flashes him a smile, then throws one at me, and then disappears. I follow her out with Jax on my heels. We do our usual morning routine and when we’re in the car, I turn to him. “So where are we going this weekend?”
“New York, I have an important business meeting there.”
I squeal with delight. “Seriously? We’re going to New York?”
“Yes, kitten, we’re going to New York.”
I clap my hands together happily and he shakes his head. His phone starts buzzing in his pocket and he pulls it out, glancing down at the screen. His jaw tics and he puts it to his ear, answering it with a gruff, “Yeah?”
Silence.
“Fuck it, Tori, I told you how things are.”
Tori again. Interesting.
“Yeah, and it shouldn’t have happened.”
Oh boy.
“It was one night,” he whispers low.
He sighs loudly.
“Fucking of course I liked it, but you know I can’t keep doing this, even if I wanted to. Red matters to me, and to you.”
He closes his eyes and my heart aches again. He liked it? He wants it? I don’t know why that bothers me, but I push it right down into the depths and beyond, because it’ll do me no good to lust over the man I’m protecting. I turn and stare out the window, trying to ignore the rest of his conversation. When he hangs up, silence fills the car.
“Ask,” he says, his voice resigned.
“Ask what?” I reply, turning to him.
“What that was about. I know you’re curious.”
“None of my business, handsome,” I say, smiling. I’m sure my voice wobbled slightly, so I look back out the window.
“I fucked her.”
I flinch. Well okay then.
“It was a big fucking mistake because now she won’t let it go.”
I turn to him. “When did this happen?”
“Three nights ago.”
I wasn’t on duty then. Thank God.
“Why’d you do it? You knew how she was going to take it.”
He sighs and runs his hand over his jaw. God he’s gorgeous.
“I don’t fucking know. She came on to me, I had been drinking. It isn’t an excuse but fuck, it’s the only one I’ve got.”
“You regret it?”
He clenches and unclenches his fists. “Yes and no.”
“Do you love her?”
He glances at me and there’s conflict in his eyes. “No, but I care about her. If Red wasn’t in the picture, and I didn’t know he was fucking head over heels for her, then yeah I would probably date her and there’s a chance I’d love her. I adore Tori, she’s been in my life a long time.”
“Red loves her?” I ask, even though I already suspected that.
He nods. “Yeah, he’s been in love with her since we were in high school. The three of us were always so close, I guess it was bound to happen to one of us.”
I frown. “She doesn’t know?”
He smiles sadly. “Oh she knows, but she’s always been in love with me.”
“Jesus, that … sucks.”
“Yeah,” he agrees. “That pretty much sums it up.”
“What are you going to do?”
He shrugs. “Fucked if I know.”
I nod, because there’s nothing else I can say. When we arrive at work, I get out and do my usual check before escorting him inside.
“I’m going to lunch today, a meeting. It’s up the road,” he says when we reach his office.
“I know, I have your schedule.”
“You going to be able to handle things out in the open like that?”
I tighten my jaw. “Still don’t fully believe in me?”
“It’s not that I don’t think you’re good, hell, I know you are, but you’re one person, Delaney.”
“Would you feel safe if Kyle was with you?”
He says nothing.
“Then it has absolutely nothing to do with me being one person, but instead being a fucking woman. When are you going to see I can do the same job he can? How long is it going to take?”
He says nothing again.
I storm into his office and do my check, grinding my jaw the entire time. When I’m done, I wave a hand and he walks in.
“Listen, kitten…”
“Stop calling me that!” I yell.
Then I stand by the door, head down, furious. Jax has accepted my role, but he still doesn’t fully trust his life in my hands. He doesn’t complain about it, but I know he’d feel safer if Kyle was around and that hurts me. It hurts because no one is willing to give me a fair go.