I squeezed his hand back. “You’re absolutely right. Of course.” I sucked down a deep breath, hoping to cleanse away the lingering smoke of anger and fear. Looking from Adam to the still-tense Giguhl I said, “Sorry, guys. I guess I just don’t handle scared well.”
The corner of Adam’s mouth lifted. “Actually, you handle it better than almost anyone I’ve ever met.”
His words made me choke on my calming breath, which released in a snort. “Riiight.”
“Now let’s go back and get some sleep. Tomorrow we’ll get a head start before sundown with Zen’s contacts. If we’re lucky, we’ll find Maisie before the moon is high.”
I tried to feel comforted by his optimism. But the truth was, luck and I hadn’t been on speaking terms for a long time.
7
The next evening, I woke to the dulcet sounds of a snoring demon. Groaning, I rolled over and pulled a pillow over my head. Probably I should have gone to the living room and told Giguhl to knock it off. But my body refused to move. Another volley of snorts wormed its way through the layers of goose down over my ear. Who was I kidding? Giguhl and snoring went together like mages and magic.
I tossed the pillow to the ground and stretched. When my hand hit something warm and hard, I yelped and jerked my head to the side.
“Mornin’, sunshine,” Adam said. He was turned away from me, which afforded me a lovely view of golden skin, broad shoulders, and rippling muscles.
“What the—” I said.
He turned toward me, and whatever I’d been about to say evaporated on my tongue. Oh, gods, the front view was even nicer. His torso drew my eyes like a magnet. I peeked lower, but the sheets covered him from the waist down. I wondered if he’d notice me pulling them back to do a commando check.
“Earth to Sabina?” he said, amusement lacing his tone.
“Hmm?” Then I blinked. My gaze snapped back up to his sleep-rumpled face. “Wait, what the hell are you doing in my bed?”
The night before, sleeping arrangements had been based on gender. That meant I got the bedroom, with its double bed, while Adam and Giguhl got the larger sleeper sofa in the living room.
He nodded toward the wall, which practically vibrated with the noise coming through it. “He’s been doing that all day.”
I rubbed at my eyes and yawned. “So you decided to disturb my sleep instead?”
“Sabina, I came in here three hours ago. You’ve been out the entire time.” Adam rested his head on his biceps and smiled like he knew a secret. “You talk in your sleep.”
“Do not!”
“You totally do.”
My cheek flared with heat. “What did I say?” My brain scrambled to recall dreams, but I couldn’t remember any.
He shrugged. “Actually, it was more like sleep mumbling. I couldn’t make out any words.” He raised an eyebrow. “But rest assured, I’ll be paying better attention tonight.”
“Good luck hearing me from the floor, mancy.”
He sat up then. His hair stood in adorable little tufts all over his head. “You’re joking.”
I shot him a look to assure him I wasn’t.
“Oh, I get it. You don’t trust yourself alone with me.”
I stopped halfway out of the bed. “If you mean I don’t trust myself not to punch you, you’d be correct.”
“Did you know physical threats are a sign of sexual interest in some cultures?”
I shook my head at him but smiled despite myself. “You’re insane.”
He lay back with his arms behind his head, which only served to give me a better view of the manly banquet that was Adam Lazarus. “Am I? Or am I so close to the truth it’s scary?” He was smiling in a teasing way, but his words had an edge to them.
Of course, and I’d never admit this to him, he was totally right. But his teasing made panic flair in my gut. “Fine. You want to sleep in this bed?” My feet hit the floor and I marched into the bathroom before he could respond. “It’s all yours.”
A few minutes later, I spat out a mouthful of toothpaste and glared at my reflection. “Don’t even think about having sex with Adam.”
This was not the first time I’d had to have this little conversation with myself. The attraction between us had been growing steadily over the last couple of months. Many of my initial arguments against pursuing anything with him still applied, including the fact that a mixed-race union between my parents had resulted in both their deaths and a lifetime of bullshit for me. Granted, I was only half-vampire, and with each passing day I lost a little more of the bloodsucker identity I’d once wrapped around myself like a security blanket. Hell, before things had gone south in New York, I’d seriously been considering throwing caution to the wind and making a real go with Adam.
But shit had gone south. And the idea of cozying up with Adam made me feel pretty fucking guilty in light of the fact my sister was being held captive and drained of her blood. Not exactly the kind of concerns that fostered romance, you know?
All that should have been enough to keep me from entertaining the thought of opening that door and throwing myself at the mancy. But there was another thing— a secret— that put a nail in the coffin of any potential.
Back in New York, I’d run into an old flame, a vampire and former assassin named Slade Corbin. At first I’d kept him at arm’s length, but with Adam away at the fae court and some major emotional turmoil going on, I’d turned to Slade as both a distraction and a tool of self-sabotage. No one knew of the one-night indiscretion. Not even Giguhl. But the incident proved to me that I couldn’t be trusted not to hurt Adam.
I performed three resolute taps on the sink with my toothbrush. The sounds echoed behind me. I looked up and realized someone was knocking on the door.
“What?” I barked.
“Who’re you talking to?”
I went still. Obviously, he’d heard me, but had he understood what I’d said? “No one.”
“That’s funny,” he said. “I could have sworn you just told someone not to have sex with me.”
My stomach dipped. I looked in the mirror again, hoping the correct response might suddenly appear on its surface. If I opened that door, he was going to force the issue. Maybe, I thought, if I just ignore him, he’ll give up and go away.
I shook my head. Who was I kidding?
When I opened the door, he blocked my exit with hands on either jamb. One eyebrow lifted in challenge.
“Did anyone ever tell you eavesdropping is rude?”
He ignored my offensive tactic. Moss green eyes pulled me in like a tractor beam. Or maybe he moved. I couldn’t tell, because I was too busy being relieved I’d already brushed my teeth. Then his sleepy scent hit me. Warm and spicy. Like whispered secrets between tangled sheets.
All conscious thought fled like a thief in the night. A shock of recognition as his lips brushed mine. Soft. Hesitant at first. When I didn’t fight it, he sank into the kiss. But his hands still gripped the doorframe, as if he didn’t trust himself to touch me fully. His chest teased my breasts through the thin fabric of my cotton tank. His scent and his kisses lulled me into a trancelike state.
“Sabina,” he whispered against my lips. He pulled me in. The move made the amulets between my breasts clink together.
Oh, shit! Some sister I was. “Slow down.” I placed a hand on the smooth skin of his chest. His heart thumped against my palm. “We can’t do this.”
He pulled back, his expression part frustration and part concern. “What’s wrong?” he whispered.
I couldn’t speak for a moment. The truth— the real reason I held him off— slammed through me like lightning. Because if I let you inside, you’ll see how truly broken I am and leave.
When I didn’t answer Adam right away, his face went all pinched. “Just answer one question for me.”
I licked the taste of him off my lips and tried to focus on keeping the panic off my face. Inside, though, my gut felt like it was taking a ride on a tilt-a-whirl. “Shoot.”
He paused, letting the tension mount. His solemn gaze met mine. “How long are you going to make me wait?”
I considered making a joke. Blowing the whole thing off like nothing had happened. But I cared about Adam too much to dismiss his genuine interest with careless sarcasm. “I don’t know.”
He stared at me for a few moments. Behind his eyes I could see the wheels turning. Weighing the options and eventualities. Finally, he breathed out through his nose, like expelling bad energy. “Well, I guess that’s better than ‘never.’ ”
He could have interrogated me. Forced the issue. The fact he didn’t made me feel even more guilty. “I’m sorry. I just— I need time.” To figure out how to be with you without destroying us both.
He ran a finger down my cheek. “Time is a precious commodity right now, Red. Wait too long and it might be too late.”
I swallowed hard. Went still as my stomach clenched with dread. Hadn’t Maisie said almost those exact same words to me in New York when she’d encouraged me to admit my feelings to Adam? “I know.”
He leaned forward and placed another soft kiss on my lips. When he pulled away, he held my gaze. “Soon, Sabina.”
This time his words weren’t so much a threat as a promise. Of what I wasn’t sure. I had a hunch he meant he’d grow tired of waiting and give up, but he could have just as easily meant soon he’d be making his big move. Either way, the message came through loud and clear. He knew I was purposefully keeping him at arm’s length. He probably even thought he knew why.
But instead of coming clean, I merely inclined my head to acknowledge I’d heard him. That seemed to be enough for him, because he turned away without another word. As the door closed behind him with a click, I sagged against the doorjamb for a moment. Then I straightened myself up and went back into the bathroom for a cold shower.