With my hands shaking and the threat of tears brewing, I stepped aside to create a clear path between Sig and the door. “Get out.”
“Secret—”
“Out.”
Holden got to his feet and stood next to Sig. He had a familiar look on his face, one that made me certain I was about to get a lecture about protecting my life and blah, blah, blah. “We can make this quick. Painless. You know the bite can even be pleasurable—”
My cheeks flamed red, and I pointed to the door with my pulse throbbing in my ears. “You too. Get out.”
Holden frowned and reached out to touch my arm.
I jerked away and raised the sword. “I’m not playing around. I may be human, but I have no damn problem remembering how to use this.”
“Don’t be absurd,” Sig said.
“Don’t push me.”
The two vampires stared at me. Holden added, “We need you to do this.”
“You need to give me more than two and a half seconds to accept that.”
“We don’t have time for insight and soul-searching,” Sig said. “The longer you remain human, the greater the risk. We have avoided the secret getting out, but the longer you are away from the council, the more questionable your absence becomes.”
“I know.”
“And your mother is back, I understand? Do you think she won’t take advantage of this?”
“She will.”
“So you see why this must happen.”
“I see a door. What I don’t see is you two going through it.”
“Now is not the time for your stubbornness.”
“You know, considering how vampires usually have all the patience in the world, you two seem completely unable to give me time to digest how I want to handle this. Being a vampire is not my only option.”
“No?” Sig asked, obviously not believing me.
“No. I could let him bite me.” I indicated Desmond, who had done a good job of keeping his cool after his initial outburst.
Sig laughed. “What on earth would that solve?”
“I’d stop being an easy target. I’d be damned hard to kill. And I’d be living up to the other heap of responsibilities you seem totally willing to overlook. The werewolf ones.”
Holden shook his head. “We know about that part of you, but this is more important.”
“Yeah, you would think so, wouldn’t you?”
“It’s not hubris. Whether or not you are a werewolf doesn’t decide your life. You can give up your place with the wolves and still go on. You don’t love the wolf king anymore.”
“He’s not the only wolf who mattered to me, you idiot.”
“Well, if that one cares about you, he’s still going to care about you if you’re a vampire instead of a werewolf.”
“And if you care about me, you won’t mind if I want to be werewolf instead of a vampire,” I countered.
“Do you think that’s what this is about?” Holden pushed in front of Sig, and I had to lower my sword, or I’d risk stabbing him by accident. “This isn’t about whether or not I can love you as a wolf, or a human, or a vampire, Secret. I’ll love you no matter what you are or what you become. That’s not what this is. If you aren’t a vampire, you are going to die. There’s no other way around it. And whatever else you might be, I can’t love you if you’re dead.”
I was thunderstruck.
It wasn’t often in my life I’d been left at a total loss for words, but Holden’s speech had knocked the wind right out of me.
“I need tonight,” I said finally. “Just tonight.”
Holden looked like he might argue, but Sig raised one hand to silence him. “You can have it.”
“Thank you. Now get out. Both of you.”
This time neither of them argued. Once they were gone, my apartment felt small, like they’d taken all the air with them. Ironic, since neither of them breathed. Desmond was flushed, and I could tell he wasn’t happy about what had happened. I couldn’t blame him, but I couldn’t apologize either. Holden professing his love was just one point of insanity on an already batshit-crazy day. What was worse was that his words had a huge impact on me. Holden loved me, and I loved him, and I wasn’t ready to throw that all away. Maybe I shouldn’t turn up my nose at the idea of being a vampire.
Specifically I shouldn’t turn up my nose at the idea of being bound to Holden for the rest of my life. In the most intimate way possible.
These were not the kind of decisions normal human girls had to make. Even as a mortal I was still dealing with the crap from a supernatural life.
I slumped into the loveseat, still holding the sword. “Desmond, I need you to do something for me. You’re not going to like it, but I need you to do it.”
“What is it?”
“Get Lucas. Bring him here.”
If he’d had fur, it would have bristled. “Why?”
“Because if I’m going to die tomorrow, I need him to do me one last favor.”
Chapter Forty-Eight
As far as nights went, this was shaping up to be one of the longest of my life.
It took ten minutes for me to convince Desmond it was safe to leave me alone with Brigit, and I spent the next fifteen on the phone with Jackson listening to him bitch about Kellen. So much for my bright idea to hand-deliver rebound sex to her front door.
“She will not shut up about this dude, Brokk, and I swear to God she must have cases of booze hidden everywhere in this apartment. She’s like a goddamn Prohibition smuggler. Every time I take something away from her, she disappears and comes back with more.”
“Maybe her fairy boyfriend created a magical rift between her fridge and a liquor store,” I suggested. Did all humans suffer from headaches as often and severely as I was? Or perhaps it had something to do with spending an entire afternoon in the sunshine when I’d never been able to look at it before.
“I don’t think this is funny,” Jackson said.
“Neither do I.”
“I’m done with this.”
“What does that mean?”
“I mean I’m done. I’m out of here. This isn’t my job.”
I sat upright in my chair. “Jackson, don’t do anything stupid.”
“More stupid than sitting here and letting this drunk bit…jackass treat me like dirt under her very expensive heels—as she is constantly reminding me? Fuck it.”
Looked like I wasn’t the only one Kellen was treating like crap today. I wish I could have said it felt good not to be the lone member of the club, but I couldn’t. My partner in crime was about to bail on me. “Jackson, you can’t leave her. If there’s no one there to watch her, she’s going to bolt.”
“Do you know what she’s doing right now?”
“Drinking?”
“No. She’s angling all of her mirrors so they face each other, because she read on the internet it was a surefire way to open gateways to parallel realities and invite fairies in. Does that sound to you like someone who wants to be protected from the fae?”
“She’s under a spell. I don’t think she has any idea what she’s doing.” But I didn’t sound sure of it myself.
“I don’t give a fuck.”
Where had the mild-mannered, sweet, shy wolf gone? Jackson had never been this cold before. Kellen must have been acting like a real cow if she’d pushed him over the edge this quickly.
“Do you think you can hold out for the rest of the night?”
“Look, Secret…I know you’re my Queen and I’m supposed to respect your word as law and all that stuff. And I know I probably owe you this.”
“Yeah, no kidding.”
“But if I last another hour without murdering her, it will be a miracle.”
“Oh.” Fuck.
“Either you come here for a changing of the guard, or I’m letting this dizzy bitch run off to her fairy lala land.” He had to be really mad if he’d dropped the b word, which was a big no-no for werewolves. “Why are you stopping her anyway? She obviously wants to go. Let her.”
“You have no idea what I went through to get her back. What I sacrificed.”
“Send her back. If they want her, maybe they’ll return your shit.”
I laughed unhappily. “She isn’t an ugly Christmas gift I can send back to Bloomingdale’s.”
There was silence, and Jackson gave a heavy sigh. “I’ll wait for as long as it takes you to get here.”
I couldn’t ask for much more from him at this point.
Brigit was across the room and had been pretending not to listen, but the second Jackson made his bargain she got to her feet and started waving her hands and shaking her head.
“Okay. I understand. I’m on my way.” I hung up and got my aching body off the chair, my muscles groaning in protest.
“I’m sorry, but did you miss the waving hands? That means no.”
“I know.”
“So why did you agree?”
“I’ve got you with me, I’ll be safe.”
The look of pride on her face at my compliment did almost as much good as Keaty had done damage earlier. “You trust me that much?”
“Bri, you’re one of my best friends. And you once managed to tackle me. I’d say you’re tough enough to keep me protected from a macho rogue werewolf if one shows up.”
She crossed the room and gave me a big hug, her ample bosom pressing into my chest. “I’ll take care of you.”
“You always do.” I pulled back, not accustomed to all the touchy-feely hug business I’d been on the receiving end of today. “Now let’s go before I change my mind and let Kellen run away to join the traveling fairy circus.”
“This’ll be fun,” Brigit assured me. “Sleepover at Kellen’s house.”
“Yeah, I don’t know if fun is the word I would go with.”