All memory of the time spent in Decatur Colony has been removed from them. The president and her advisors believe limiting the memory of those who return from the colony and the public’s information about the research done there is essential to retaining peace. Another secret kept for the good of our country. When I consider the president’s logic, I cannot disagree. And yet, part of me wonders if we can ever truly learn from what we have done if we continue to suppress or erase the past.
And yet, there is hope that we have learned something. Last week, I watched from the Debate Chamber gallery as President Collindar kept her bargain with Dr. Barnes. Standing at the podium, looking out on a filled Chamber and observation area, the president announced the disbanding of the University selection process known as The Testing. Current University students will continue their education under the temporary direction of Professor Douglas Lee—head of Early Studies and professor of history. Meanwhile, the president and her office will work closely with the Education Department to create a new selection system for the University, one that will be the same for both Tosu City and colony students.
The city is buzzing about the traitor who killed Dr. Barnes, Professor Holt, Official Jefferies, and Professor Chen. I know now that only three of them should be dead. In the days following the attack and Dr. Barnes’s death, I learned that Professor Chen was pushing for a reevaluation of The Testing’s purpose and the method of selecting new students. Tomas and Stacia learned of Professor Chen’s true intent when they went to her house. Once she was restrained, Tomas wanted to leave but Stacia refused. A bullet at close range from Stacia’s gun killed Professor Chen. Stacia was determined to follow the president’s instructions. The United Commonwealth president was Stacia’s leader. Not me. Stacia died moments later. Tomas says it was self-defense. I have not pressed him. Perhaps because I can see the real answer in the shadows that fill his eyes. Maybe someday he will tell me why he killed Stacia, but I doubt it. In his mind, what happened is over. It is time to move on.
My name has not been mentioned in conjunction with Dr. Barnes’s death or the elimination of the others. Nor have the names of Tomas, Ian, Raffe, Stacia, and Will, though our friends from our former study group helped us create a marker decorated with the symbol Raffe created to honor Stacia. We placed it next to the one Professor Holt hung for Rawson. A fitting tribute, I hope, for a girl who wanted more than anything to be important. She and I might not have agreed on much in the end, but for better or worse, she was still my friend. I miss her.
Thanks to the president’s official version of events, I can go on with my life without anyone knowing about the task the president gave me and the choices I made. Tomas is grateful. I suppose I am, too, although I have already told the truth to my family around the same kitchen table where I learned how to divide and multiply. I notice my brothers no longer tease me as easily as they used to. My mother tries to pretend nothing is different, but I have seen her watching me. I know she wants me to be the same girl who left home, and I try my best to act like her, but we both know I am not. My father is the only one who truly understands. Perhaps because he too has been Tested.
I stand and look to the west. Far in the distance I see the current boundaries of Five Lakes Colony and the unrevitalized
area beyond. There is much good I can do here. I love being home, even though once again I am sleeping in front of the fireplace to avoid hearing my brothers’ snores. Magistrate Owens has already asked me for ideas about enhancing our communications with Tosu City and the other colonies as well as my thoughts on better ways to create and manage our colony’s power.
Tomas is happy because he has been offered a place on my father’s team. If he proves himself, he will be able to create a team of his own. Being home has lifted Tomas’s spirits. He’s more like the boy I knew before leaving for Tosu City. Surrounded by family, he’s begun to heal, though he too will never forget. Despite our not having graduated from the University, everyone here considers Tomas and me leaders. The opportunity we’ve been offered to help our colonies is exactly what we dreamed of when we hoped to be selected for The Testing. Tomas is eager to start working with my father, and to build our lives here.
I long to stay. To be happy.
But as much as I want to be with Tomas and my family, each day that passes convinces me that I cannot. Five Lakes is as wonderful as I remember. I will visit as often as I can and will always find peace here. I wish I could go back to who I was, but I’m different. This is my home, but it is no longer where I belong.
Holding the Transit Communicator tight to my chest, I slowly walk to town, where Tomas waits for me. I’m going to tell him that I have to go back. But he will know my choice the minute he sees the bracelet that circles my wrist. This is not the path I dreamed of while growing up, but it is the one have to walk. Because the only way to be sure The Testing we had to survive never happens again is not to trust our leaders. It is to be one of them.
I walk up the hill and into the square. Tomas stands near the fountain that sprays sparkling, clean water into the air. When he sees me, a smile filled with love spreads across his face. In his hands are daisies he must have picked on his way here. As I walk toward him, I smile back with all the love in my heart. Tomorrow I will return to Tosu City. I will move into a new room at the University and will complete my studies and my internship. I will tell Brick, Naomy, and Vic the truth behind what has happened. And when Enzo and Raffe recover, I will ask them all to help me keep watch over the president and our other leaders to ensure that nothing like The Testing ever happens again.