I chew on my fingernail and stare out the window. “Yeah.”
“Okay then.” Emilio sets the cruise control, turns the radio up loud, and we go to where Josh is. Because I totally fucked up tonight and I need to make it right.
***
When we get there, we pull into the drive, but it’s late so the house is dark. “You want to get a hotel room for the night?” Emilio asks. He yawns loudly.
It’s not that late. I point to the kitchen window. “Her mother is up. I’ll just go ask if he’s up too.”
“Are you sure?” He looks around like someone could be waiting to jump out of the bushes at him.
“I need to see him, Melio.”
He turns off the engine and reaches over me to open my door.
I get out and walk up the ramp to the kitchen. I can see Mrs. Jameson inside puttering around and she is startled when I rap on the door. She peeks out the window, recognizes me, smiles and opens the door. “I was wondering when you might show up,” she says. She steps aside so I can come in.
“Is he here?” I ask.
She nods. “He’s with Lilly. Her boyfriend is here too.” She cups my shoulder and gives it a tender squeeze.
“Is he okay?”
“I wasn’t so sure when he got here, but I think he will be now.” She winks at me.
I go to the doorway of Lilly’s room and stop. He’s playing chess with Lilly and he’s laughing. It’s a beautiful sound and my heart lifts a little. He looks up and freezes. Lilly waves at me. “Hi Lilly,” I say. I go and give her a hug. Then I stop in front of Josh’s chair.
“What are you doing here?” he asks.
“I came to find you,” I tell him. “Can we talk?”
“Shouldn’t you be at an awards banquet with your sisters and your date?”
“My date is here!” I cry. “I can’t go to my banquet when my date is here!”
“What?” He scratches his head.
“You were my date, you idiot,” I tell him. “I got you a tux, and shoes, and I even bought you new underwear, with rhinestones, that cost a lot of money just so your junk would be bejeweled and spectacular.”
Lilly goes out of the room with her boyfriend, but before she leaves, I think she winks at me.
“You wanted my junk to be sparkly?” he asks.
“That doesn’t matter!” I cry. “What matters is that you left without telling me!”
“You were going to a banquet without telling me!” he shouts back.“I meant to have you with me!” I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and count to ten. Then I open my eyes. “Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
“Why didn’t you just invite me like a normal person?” he snaps back, but he doesn’t sound quite so angry now.
“I was trying to surprise you. I’m sorry.” I snort. “I definitely won’t do that again.”
“I shouldn’t have left like that,” he says. He scrubs a hand down his face. “I’m really sorry.”
“I am too.” I look at him. “Why did you come here?”
He looks around. “Because it’s home.”
“Lilly is home for you.” The words hurt when they come out of my mouth. I’m jealous of a girl with a traumatic brain injury.
“Lilly and her mom and this place. This is home. It’s where I feel safe.” He goes to the window and lifts the blinds. He looks out at his own house. “I was never safe there. Not with them. Never good enough. And I’m still not. Now they’d take one look at me and they’d hate me on principle.” He looks around Lilly’s room. “But this place… This is comfort to me. This heals my heart when it’s broken.”
I lay a hand on my chest. “I broke your heart?”
He nods. “It definitely was a shock. I thought you might be taking your fake boyfriend.”
“I told him our fake relationship was over.”
His head jerks up. “You did?”
I nod. “Last week.”
“Seriously?” But he’s finally smiling.
I nod again. “You’re it for me.” I throw my hands up. “I just gave up an awards ceremony to be sure you don’t hate me.”
“I couldn’t hate you,” he says. He swallows so loudly that I can hear it. “I love you way too much for that.”
I meet his gaze. Did he just say what I think he said?
He smiles at me. “Just because I said it first doesn’t mean you have to say it back.”
I sniff. “Okay, I won’t.” I lift my nose up in the air. Then I sober. “You really love me?” I whisper. My eyes fill up with tears and I blink them back furiously. But my nose starts to run regardless.
“Yeah, Star. I do.”
He says it so bluntly.
“Will you let me? Love you, I mean?” he asks me, his voice quiet and reverent. There’s a hint of humor in his eyes, but he’s also somber.
I jerk my head in a nod and rush over to him. He pulls me down to sit on his lap and I take his face in my hands and kiss him. I kiss him like there will never be another kiss. Like there was never another before.
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask you ahead of time,” I tell him. “I wanted it to be a big surprise, but I can see how you could have thought I didn’t want you to go.”
“I should have talked to you, but my feelings were hurt.” He laughs. “God, I sound like such a girl.”