“Okay,” Sam says slowly. He looks like he just stepped in a big pile of dog shit and he doesn’t know how to get it off his shoe.
I leave the shop. It’s late. I need to get home, although for the first time since Star came to stay with me, I don’t want to go home to her, because I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the gut. Sam is going with Peck, Logan is going with Emily, and Star is probably taking her fake boyfriend because she’s afraid to be seen with me in public. They’ll all have significant others with them, but apparently I’m not significant enough.
She’s on the couch when I get home, wearing my clothes like normal. She waits for me to go to her and kiss her like I normally do, but I just go and get a beer instead.
“What’s up?” she asks. She gets up and follows me. “Did you have a bad day?”
I shake my head, keeping my lips pinched tightly closed.
“What are you doing tomorrow night?” I suddenly ask her.
She avoids my eyes. “Why do you ask?”
I shrug. “I was going to see if you want to go and see a movie with me.”
“Oh, I can’t.” She coughs into her fist like she’s nervous.
“So you do have plans.”
“Just something with the Zeroes.”
I hate a fucking lie. I absolutely hate it. “Just something?”
“Yeah, it’s not a big deal. But I’ll be gone the whole evening.”
“Okay.” I go into the bathroom to take a shower and she doesn’t follow me. She usually follows me, because she likes to talk to me when I come home from work. I shower and clean up and she’s standing in the doorway to the bedroom when I come out.
“Is something bothering you?” she asks.
No. Definitely not. I’ll sit here on the couch and watch you celebrate with your family and friends while I watch it on TV. That doesn’t bother me at all. But I say nothing. “No. Why do you ask?”
“You seem a little off. You’re not coming down with something, are you?” She touches the back of her hand to my forehead. I pull it down and kiss it.
“I’m going to bed early.” I roll past her into our bedroom and she fidgets in the doorway.
“Do you want me to join you?” she asks, her voice hesitant.
“No, I’m going to sleep,” I tell her. I’m going to wallow in linens and self-pity.
“Oh, okay.” Her voice is not much more than a breath. “You sure you’re okay?”“Positive.” I try to smile at her, but it’s forced and she knows it. I get in bed and turn off the lights, and will myself into a fitful sleep. I feel her when she comes to join me, and for a minute I forget all about the fact that she didn’t invite me to go to the awards banquet with her, and I pull her into my arms and make love to her, sinking deep inside her while she rides me, her boobs bouncing as our flesh smacks together.
When she falls off of me and lands by my side, her breaths ragged and raw, I remember that I’m supposed to be mad at her. I roll onto my side away from her and pretend to go to sleep.
“Josh,” she whispers.
I hear her, but I don’t answer. I force my breaths to appear heavy and even, and she gets still and goes to sleep. She’s not touching me, though, and I’m not used to this. And I don’t like it at all.
Star
I look down at my phone and check the time again. “Are you sure he left the tattoo shop at noon?” I ask. “He’s not answering anything.”
Sam is standing in the corridor at Marta and Emilio’s house, and he’s dressed in a tux and tails. Logan is standing right beside him and he looks just as handsome. They’re handsome in such a traditional way when they dress up like this. Barely a hint of their tattoos shows above their collars.
“Are you guys ready yet?” Sam calls into the bedroom where all the other Zeroes and Emily are getting ready.
“Come in here and I will personally chop your dick off,” Finch calls back.
Sam grabs his package and bends at the waist, and Logan looks almost as uncomfortable. “Peck, are you going to let them insult my manhood like that?” he calls through the closed door.
“I’ll cut your manhood off myself if you open that door!” she calls back.
“What did she say?” Logan says, looking confused.
“She said you should open the door.”
He does, and shoes and purses fly at his head. He slams it shut. “You stupid fucker,” he says to Sam.
I roll my eyes. I don’t have time for this.
“Where do you think Josh is?” I ask them.
They look at one another. They know something, but I have no idea what.
“What is it?” I demand.
“You probably should have told him about this event before today,” Sam says, his voice gentle, but I can still tell he’s irritated at me.
“I wanted to surprise him.” I got the tux ordered last week, and made sure he had shoes and everything else he would need.
“A surprise black tie event,” Logan says. “That’s every man’s fantasy.” He rolls his eyes and goes to sit with Emilio at the kitchen table, where he’s playing solitaire with a deck of cards. The old-fashioned way.
I texted Josh this morning and told him to come here when he was done with work, and I made sure Paul sent him home early. I planned it all down to the minute. Only, now I’m not sure where Josh is, because he’s not answering his phone and no one can find him.