I stood at her words, and just stared at her busy hands. Rosie must have heard the commotion because she was in the kitchen now, too, and bending down with a towel to help. “Oh, Noles, your pretty dessert. It’s okay, I’ll get it sweetie. You go clean up. Why don’t you use the spare bathroom,” Rosie said, squeezing Nolan’s hand to get her to stop. She finally looked up at Rosie and smiled, but her eyes still seemed so damn sad.
“Ooooooh, trouble in paradise there, little brother?” Jason teased, condescendingly, as he picked a crouton from the salad on the counter, and popped it in his mouth as he turned to walk away. I was instantly filled with rage and found myself grabbing a fistful of his buttoned shirt and twisting it to make him uncomfortable, my fist locked just under his chin. “Ah, I hit close to home, didn’t I? You wanna take it out on me because your little high school romance didn’t work out? Go ahead; hit me, you little shit. But you know I was right. And you can do better.”
I stared him down, my face inches from his, my breathing ragged, and my heart pounding with more anger than I’d ever felt. I wanted to break his nose. But I also knew he lived to push my buttons, and I didn’t want to ruin Thanksgiving. And then I looked past him and saw Nolan standing at the foot of the steps, not yet upstairs, just chewing on her fingernails and seeing…everything. Not taking my eyes off of her, I just thrust Jason’s shirt collar back into his body and backed away, brushing off the front of my shirt and cracking my neck a little to one side. I finally looked back at Jason to see his arrogant smirk. I couldn’t let him off completely. I looked back to where Nolan had been standing, and she was gone. I settled back on Jason, leaning in close one more time, taking pride in the fact that I almost doubled him in size now. “You’re a dick,” I said, holding his eyes for just a bit so he’d see I meant everything I said before turning to join the rest of my family in the living room.
Despite the hours Rosie spent in the kitchen working on every detail of our dinner, we managed to demolish it in a matter of minutes. The table was quiet for moments at a time while we all stuffed our faces with her delicious turkey, stuffing and gravy. Pops, Jason and I always ate like Neanderthals, shoveling food in our mouths sometimes with our bare hands, and picking up fallen crumbs from the table and pushing them into our mouths, too. My mother always hated it but Rosie seemed to take it as a compliment.
Tonight was the first time I’d had a real Thanksgiving meal in my own house, ever…and it was amazing! Even Nolan’s mom praised Rosie on her cooking, which was saying something, since every meal I’d had at the Lennox home was the single best thing I’d ever eaten, each thing Nolan’s mom made one-upping the last.
Nolan and I were sitting at the far end of the table next to one another, but like strangers. We were both putting on a performance it seemed. She would smile and nod at conversations, half leaning her head in my direction, but never fully settling in to make eye contact. I found myself challenging her, though, staring right at her for longer than I should. She was friendly, and almost flirtatious, but there was an underlying sadness to her that I couldn’t deny. I just kept replaying her crying on the floor in my kitchen, so lost and helpless, and my stomach sank in fear that I had made her that way. I’d almost feel sorry, and then remind myself that she was the one who kissed another man…and maybe more, and then when I thought of Gavin, I balled my hands into fists on my knees and quit feeling so bad.
“So, Nolan…how’s school going?” Jason was engaging her now, but he had that tone to his voice that he only made when he wanted to give me shit. Immediately, I was defensive.
“Oh…uh, it’s fine,” she just smiled and looked down to straighten the napkin on her lap. Shit! She was barely holding it together, I could tell.
“Huh…” he just said, taunting her.
“What do you mean…huh?” I said, not able to take it, but probably just throwing gas on the fire.
Jason slid his chair a bit then and sat up straight to meet my gaze. “Well, little brother…” I knew he was going to lay into me now, get me back for knocking him around in the kitchen a little, getting in his face. Jason didn’t like to be shown up, even if nobody was watching. “I just mean it must be hard between the two of you, long distance and all. I just wondered if Nolan ever had to turn anyone down, break some poor ASU guy’s heart?” He smirked, tempting me.
I felt my heart beating in my stomach, and the weight of everyone’s stares bouncing between Nolan and me. They were all rapt with the conversation, smiling and waiting for our cute response. And I was so pissed at the part of me that wanted to let them all down—just to crush her a little, the part that wanted to say, “No, she never turns anyone down. Instead, she just kisses whatever ass**le wants to get her into bed that night.” But I didn’t, I just looked at Nolan, every muscle in her face clenched, and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek softly. Then I looked her right in the eyes as I backed away and got my own little dig in, private and not for anyone but her. “Never,” I said, holding her gaze, and instantly feeling regret for saying it as she fought to keep the water pooling in her eyes from falling.