I wasn’t tired, but Pogo was. He curled up on the pillow beside me and snored while I stared up at the ceiling and tried to picture how this would end. Would Henry say goodbye? Would he really want me to visit him? Would the other gods ignore me? My mother wouldn’t, and I could count on seeing Ava whenever she grew bored or lonely, but the others—even James I wasn’t sure about, unless he decided to pursue me once I was no longer married. Would I let him? I didn’t know, and I hated myself for my uncertainty. For even thinking about hurting Henry like that, whether we were still together or not.
Well past midnight, the crushing weight of reality set in.
Once I left the Underworld, I would likely never see Henry again. I wouldn’t be in his realm and easily accessible, like Persephone was, and I was certain he would never come looking for me. No matter how many promises he made to allow me to visit, the best I could hope for was seeing him at council meetings—if he didn’t decide to fade anyway.
I sobbed softly into my pillow. Everything I’d done since f irst entering Eden Manor had been to prevent this from happening. I’d done everything I could to save my mother and Ava from death, before I’d known they were goddesses, but while I had failed them both, I hadn’t failed Henry. He still existed because of me, because I loved him, because I’d married him and agreed to rule the Underworld with him.
And now I was taking that away from him.
I wanted to stay. He needed me to stay, but I couldn’t live like this anymore. He had to understand—he’d wanted to fade when Persephone had left him, and he’d only stayed after the eleventh girl had died because the council had asked him for one more try. But he wasn’t asking me. He’d told me to go, and so I would.
In the middle of the night, I heard another set of footsteps, and this time there was no knock before the door opened and closed. I pushed myself up on my elbows and squinted through the darkness. “Henry?” I said, stunned.
He’d come back—half a day after he said he would, but I wasn’t going to be picky.
He removed his shoes and set them in his closet. “I am sorry for disturbing you. Go back to sleep.” I couldn’t very well go back to sleep when I hadn’t been sleeping in the f irst place, but I bit my tongue and watched, certain he’d leave for another bedroom once he was done.
He changed into silk pajama pants, and as he walked around the bed to his side, my heart hammered. He was going to sleep in here after all.
“Is it too warm?” he said as he settled in. “You are not underneath the sheets.” He seemed to be keeping as much distance between us as possible in the massive bed. Whether it was because he didn’t want to be near me or because he wanted to give me space, I didn’t know.
“I wasn’t sleeping,” I said. “Is everything with the council okay?”
“As good as things can be at this stage. We have all decided what our roles will be, and we have set a timetable from now until the winter solstice.”
It was still nearly two months away, but with all of the preparation they had to do, what if it wasn’t enough time?
How long did it take to build a trap that would hold a Titan? “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“I thought you were leaving.”
“If there’s something I can do around here, then I don’t have to go right away.”
“There is something.” He turned on his side facing away from me. “Stay out of trouble, let me know if anything suspicious happens and do not visit Calliope. Other than that, if there is anything specif ic, I will be sure to let you know.”
I sank down on the bed until my head touched the pillow. I didn’t bother getting under the blankets. “All right,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment. Was that all I was to him now, a burden to be closely watched so I didn’t get myself into more trouble? “Then it’ll make no difference to you if I leave sooner rather than later.” He was silent. The minutes ticked by, and I stared into the darkness, searching for something to say to him. Anything that would help him understand I wanted to stay, but not like this. Not when he didn’t want me here.
“James and I were never together,” I said quietly. “Whatever you think happened in Greece—it didn’t. We went as friends, and that’s all we were. I waited for you to show up.
I looked for you everywhere we went, because I was so sure you’d surprise me, and when you didn’t, it hurt. It was like you didn’t want to see me at all.”
I reached for his hand, but at the last second, I pulled back. I couldn’t handle his physical rejection on top of everything else right now.
“I’m not leaving you for him. I’m not leaving you for anybody, and I never would have gone looking for something better. You are my something better, and I wish—I wish I was yours, too.”
Resounding silence f illed the room. My heart raced as I waited for him to say something, anything in return, but when he didn’t so much as look at me, disappointment crushed any hope I had left. I turned away from him and buried my face in my pillow, struggling to convince myself that he was tired and had fallen asleep before I’d said a word. I’d waited too long to start, and I couldn’t blame him for that. I would have to make an effort to repeat it in the morning, and if that failed, then at least I would leave knowing I had done everything I could.
“Good night,” I whispered and closed my eyes, certain sleep wouldn’t come anytime soon. Even if it did, all of my dreams would be nightmares f illed with Calliope and the moment Persephone had kissed Henry, and nothing was worth reliving that. I’d wait until I was so exhausted that I wouldn’t dream at all.