“It happened when he made the decision to enter Beatrice’s pools of redemption.” She explained about Beatrice’s unique gift to redeem souls through extensive baptism in graded pools.
“I know of Casimir’s exploits,” Leto said. “He must have been in agony.”
“I suppose you are making light of it, but he was in terrible pain, pushing himself hard as he went from one baptism to the next, working to change the future. We have both seen his death, but Beatrice said that if Casimir completed the program, he wouldn’t die. He’s so changed. More than anything in life he wants to be a proper father to his sons, to be worthy of them.” She told him about not sharing Casimir’s bed any longer as well. “Not for weeks.”
She also spoke of her desire to fulfill her duty in the war against Greaves. “I just wish I was more powerful, like you and like Thorne, even like my twin, Patience.”
At that, he laughed. “You’re kidding, right? Grace, you can fold between dimensions, three of them. And if you’ll remember, you appeared to me in Moscow Two, five months ago, in the form of what looked like a ghost. You took me away from Moscow in some mysterious preternatural stream of energy, back to your convent cell. You saved me from certain death. How is any of that not powerful?”
She shook her head, wanting to explain. “I guess I didn’t mean preternaturally powerful. I meant a kind of internal fortitude. Warrior strength. My inclinations are more spiritual. I lived in a Buddhist monastery six centuries ago and more recently spent ten decades in a convent.”
“I always thought you were unique, and perhaps if there hadn’t been a war, I might have done the same. And your brother speaks with such reverence when he talks about you. He has from the time he joined the Warriors of the Blood.”
“But Thorne never really understood me.”
“That much is true, but he envied you. He envied your freedom. I did, too. You were even free to choose a devotiate’s life in the Creator’s Convent.”
“Free to give up my freedom.”
“Exactly.”
“And now my freedom seems to be disappearing.” That was the truth she hated.
“I think you’re right. For that, I wouldn’t blame you for heading back to Fourth.”
“I’ll never go back. That much I know. I belong here.” She could sense that he didn’t fully believe her, but time would prove her intention.
“So I’ve wondered: In all the time you were gone, did you ever contact your obsidian flame sisters? Fiona or Marguerite?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“You never felt the desire?”
“On the contrary. I have never stopped wanting to reach for them. It’s like a pressure in my chest, a need, a craving, almost an obsession.
“Sometimes I think I must be crazy to have come back. But now that I’m here, Leto, you should know that I’m determined to become part of the obsidian flame triad and to do all that I can to help Endelle and her administration bring Greaves down. More than anything, I despise how much he has hurt our world, especially those I love and care about, you and Thorne in particular. But now I’d like you to tell me something: What do you want of me?”
He stared at her and remained silent for several seconds. “I don’t know. I seem to need you in this inexplicable, primal way, especially when my beast takes over. But right now, when I can be rational…”
She paddled over to him, close to where he sat. “When we are both rational, neither of us has answers.”
He smiled. He leaned down and touched her face. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me, too. I’m going to leave the pool now. I just want you to be prepared.”
When he nodded, she slowly levitated up and out in order to avoid the rough rocks that surrounded the edge of the pool. When she finally stood in front of him, she put her hands on his face. “But I will tell you this: I did not come back to torment you by playing a push-pull game about Casimir. I am not a cruel woman. My life with Casimir is over. I will not go back to him. Ever. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. Also, I know he’s determined to follow me here, but when he comes, you must promise me to let him be. Can you do that?”
His jaw turned to flint and his eyes hardened. “If he touches you, I will go mad.”
“I will not permit him to touch me. That is my promise to you. I will not be with Casimir again. Yet there is something I need you to know if we are ever to piece this whole mystery together and make sense of it. While I was with Caz, I became a mother to his children, to Kendrew and Sloane. No matter what happens here or on Fourth Earth, I intend to be part of their lives.”
* * *
Leto saw Grace as in a glow. She was so beautiful, yet speaking of Casimir put hot coals in his blood. He felt ready to fight him to the death over having taken Grace away. Yet here was Grace demanding that he set his rage aside.
Time swam before him like a perpetual motion instrument, back and forth, back and forth, tormenting him, past–present, past–present.
He had been a powerful warrior, then a traitor-spy, once more a warrior, now a beast. He was jealous of Casimir.
Before him was all that he desired, yet he saw Grace through the haze of his pain and the depth of his rage. Mostly, he just felt unworthy of this woman.
She caught his arms. “Leto, please don’t look at me like that. Please understand that I’m not a saint.”
“But you are.” His words were barely formed, just a whisper in the air.
She smiled suddenly. “How much of a saint does it make me when I want you so ferociously? Do you know that I wrote erotic poetry while I was in the Convent, and it was always about you? No, a saint I’m not.”
“Are you saying that the whole time you were in the Convent, you were writing poetry about me?”
She smiled softly. “Very sexy poetry while thinking of you. And that was before I brought you out of Moscow Two.”
When she shivered, he extended his arm straight out to his side and folded a fleece blanket into his hand. He wrapped her up then drew her close. His battle gear wouldn’t exactly give her comfort, but she leaned into him anyway.
He searched her eyes. “I owe you my life, Grace. I was near death when you brought me into your convent cell and fed me your beautiful blood. You stayed with me over the next few days, and fed me a second time. I would have died but for you—and it wasn’t just your blood. Your kindness fed me just as much, and your acceptance of me even though my service as a spy, as Greaves’s right-hand man all those decades, helped to strengthen his hold on Second Earth. Your compassion saved my life.”