But after that, the primitive urge took over, and their clothes were off in seconds. There was too much testosterone churning through him, and any rational thought he might have had was swallowed by his body’s out-of-control need to mate. She’d only just managed to lie on the bed when he threw himself onto her body, and like that, he was in her. No preamble, no foreplay. Mae made no attempts at resistance as he took out that animal fury on her. It was hard and it was rough, but her own desire had spiraled up enough to welcome it.
It was also brief. Prætorian sex almost always followed a similar pattern. That initial burst of lust was mindless and raging, and his body needed the relief as soon as it could manage it. He collapsed onto her, his breathing ragged and his skin already slick with sweat. This pure, basic need was a welcome change to all of the muddled goings-on of the last few days. Nothing esoteric here. Just nature.
With that initial blind lust sated, Whitetree’s desire—though still strong—eased a little. He rolled over, his breathing relaxing. It wouldn’t take long for him to recover if they wanted to do it again, and although it’d still be fast and furious, the second time usually managed to last a little longer and sometimes even allowed for foreplay.
But for now, Mae was content. Fast or not, her body had still found release, its bliss momentarily trumping her troubled mind. With their needs temporarily satisfied, the implant wound down, no longer needing to increase the hormonal output. Their hands trembled as the excess chemicals were metabolized.
“Lucky me,” said Whitetree at last.
“I’ve been kind of stressed.”
He laughed and brushed back her hair. “Well, if you need therapy again, I’ll be around. I’ve got another month here.”
“Doubly lucky,” she said, surprised at the bitterness in her voice.
“Hey, you’ll be back in the game soon,” he said, trying to reassure her.
Mae put her hands behind her head and sighed. “I should’ve just skipped the funeral.”
He shifted to his side to look her in the eyes. “She asked for it, Koskinen. She provoked it. You’ve got a hundred witnesses.”
“People keep saying that, but it doesn’t matter. I should’ve done the noble thing and walked away.” Thinking about Kavi was killing some of the afterglow happiness. So much for a reprieve. “The only upshot is that I didn’t cause anything worse than a quick hospital stay and physical therapy.”
“Not that quick,” he said. “She’s still hospitalized.”
Mae sat up abruptly. “What? It’s been three weeks! It takes a fraction of that time to set and bind a broken bone. She should be home recovering on her own.”
“I’m no doctor. That’s just what I heard. Addison was over there the other day after getting in a fight—defending your honor, by the way.”
Mae barely heard him. She was still reeling from the news. Why in the world would they still have Kavi at the base’s hospital? True, she’d been pretty messed up afterward, but there was no way she’d still need intensive treatment…would she?
“Just let it go. It’s over and out of your hands.” Whitetree gently drew her back down. “One more time?”
Mae nodded, if only to have an excuse not to think about Kavi. When they finished, he offered to stick around for more, but she declined. He asked if he could use the shower, and she directed him to it and the towels. Pushing Kavi out of her head, Mae just tried to lie in bed and revel in her body’s satisfaction. It didn’t work, because her mind wandered to Panama and the tantalizing way sex had been drawn out there. Plebeian men might not have been able to keep up with prætorian frequency, but they more than compensated with the ability to make sex last and build up the anticipation with long lingering touches….
Mae suddenly grew angry at her traitorous thoughts, especially in the wake of her current mess with Justin. She almost considered asking Whitetree for a third time, if only to blot out her memories, but was no longer up to it. When he finished in the shower, he encouraged her to come out to the Maize party with him, but she declined. In a particularly gallant gesture, he told her he’d wait around until she showered. It would have been perfectly normal in the world of prætorian sex for him to take off.
She was halfway through blow-drying her hair when she heard him knock at the bathroom door and call her name. She turned the dryer off. “What is it?”
“That guy’s here. The one you were with at the senate.”
Mae was certain she’d misheard. She put her robe on and stepped outside. In the living room, she found that Justin was very much there and also very, very drunk. He held out a bottle of ree to her.
“I come bearing gifts. But I guess next time, I should call first.” Mae could only stare in disbelief. She wasn’t ready for this. She still needed to process the revelations in Mazatlán. And Emil.
Whitetree pulled on his shirt and kissed her cheek. “My cue to go. Call if you change your mind.”
As he left, Mae thought that a glass of ree might not be such a bad idea after all.
“Get some water,” she told Justin. “I’ll be right back.”
Whatever was about to happen, she wasn’t going to do it half-naked. She put on a T-shirt and flannel pajama pants. Her damp hair wasn’t particularly elegant, but as she returned and looked at Justin, she doubted he’d even remember tomorrow.
He’d ignored the water order and sprawled out on her couch, with his arm tossed over his head. She sat down in an armchair opposite him and waited expectantly.
“So was that his one time?” Justin asked. “No second date for plebeians, right?”
“Why are you here?” she demanded. She reminded herself that she’d promised to be patient with Justin, in light of his mental state, but it was kind of hard under the circumstances. “It can’t be just to interrogate me about my personal life.”
“No,” he said in agreement. “That was just a bonus. You wouldn’t believe all that’s happened since I saw you earlier.” Considering she’d been asked out by a senator and ordered to perform an assassination, Mae was pretty sure she could believe any number of things had happened. “Did you know Tessa’s a terrorist? She invaded the senate. Er, the gardens.”
Okay, that wasn’t one Mae had expected. “How much have you drunk tonight?”
“I’m serious,” he said, studying her face. “She and some of those stupid kids climbed the garden walls. Bad enough for any of them, let alone a Panamanian citizen.”
He was actually serious, she realized. “Is…is she in jail?”
“No. She had the astonishing and improbable good luck of being caught and brought home by two prætorians. Two prætorians who are big fans of yours.”
Mae closed her eyes for a moment. “You can’t be serious. Not Val and Dag.”
“They drank half my liquor cabinet, you know.” He paused. “Okay, that’s an exaggeration. There’s plenty where that came from.”
For some reason, it bothered her that Justin had met her friends. There was nothing illicit about it, but it was just something she’d never shared with him. “That’s why you’re here? Do you want me to reimburse you for what they drank?”
That brought a flicker of a smile to his lips. “No. It was worth it to meet our country’s noble defenders.” He glanced away for a few moments, and when he looked back up, all traces of humor were gone. His dark eyes bored into her. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me about Porfirio and that funeral?”
Mae froze, unable to respond for several seconds. “How do you know about that?” she asked in a low, low voice. But it was a stupid question. Val and Dag had spilled everything because they had no control switch.
“You should have told me.” There was a surprising desperation in him. “You should’ve told me that you were only with me as a punishment. And that you were in mourning after some ill-fated romance. Fuck, Mae. If I’d known that, I never would have…I don’t know. I would’ve done things a lot differently.”
The world spun for a moment and then abruptly snapped back into focus. Something exploded in Mae’s chest, and she shot to her feet. “No!” she exclaimed. “You can’t know that. It’s mine. Everything else you’ve clawed out of me. That was the one thing I still had. The part of me you hadn’t figured out with your goddamned ‘amazing’ sleuthing skills. You can’t know everything about me. You have no right!”
She was surprised to find she was clenching her fists. Even the implant had spun up a little with her agitation. It wasn’t the content that bothered her so much. The story of Porfirio and the funeral was widely known. But in seizing that last piece of her life, it was like Justin had unraveled everything about her. She was open and exposed. There was no escaping, and she suddenly hated him for it.
Perhaps the only satisfying thing here was his complete and total shock. She didn’t know what he’d expected from her, but this outrage obviously wasn’t it. Finally. Something he hadn’t figured out.
“Mae…” He faltered. There it was, another rarity: him without a clever response.
“You think you’re so smart,” she continued. “You think it’s a game—that it’s some right you have—to pry and crack open other people. But you can’t! You can’t do that to people.”
His face was perfectly still as he processed her words. “I told you before that I can’t help it,” he said finally. “I can’t help seeing the things I do.”
Mae crossed her arms and stalked away to the kitchen. She opened the bottle of ree he’d left there and, without any formalities, took a long drink before speaking again. “You don’t have to flaunt it.”
She didn’t want to look at him. She didn’t want him to see something else in her. Seeing the outside of her body was nothing compared to seeing the inside. Even now, he was probably analyzing her outburst, and she already felt too raw and exposed. If she kept her back to him, maybe she could hide the hole in her that she felt he’d ripped open. The silence that stretched between them was agonizing. When he spoke again, his voice was very, very quiet.