Mae would have accused him of embellishing the story, but with his memory, he was probably reciting the flowery words verbatim.
Justin took a deep breath. “I ended up giving him the apple.”
“Because you’re a romantic at heart?”
“Because of what he said next. He told me he could also save my life. And even though I was in the dream, I suddenly realized the room I was sleeping in was on fire. He took the apple and said, ‘Follow the ravens.’ I woke up in a burning room.”
Now they were back to the arson story. “And you escaped.”
He met her gaze. “You ever been in a room that’s on fire? Been surrounded by flames? It was so hot. Probably hotter than the woman who was going to scorch me in bed. The heat smothered me, and I was choking on smoke. I couldn’t see anything but sheets of fire. Pieces of the roof were starting to collapse…and that’s when I saw them. The ravens.”
“The ravens?”
“Yup. Two big black birds, hovering in the air. They flew over to a corner of the room, and I followed them. I don’t know. Maybe I just didn’t have any other choice. And there, I saw that part of the wall had collapsed and that there was a small opening to the outside. Mae, you have to believe me. I couldn’t see that spot from the bed. There was no way I could’ve known about it without those birds.” His eyes suddenly became wide and desperate.
“I believe you,” she said, not sure if she did.
That seemed to satisfy him, but he still looked anxious and frantic as he dove into the old memories. “I managed to get out of it, though my shirt caught on fire. I had to kind of flounder around to put it out on the ground, but I managed. Got a few burns in the process. I saw a specialist later who was able to fix most of them up without scarring—except this one.”
Justin unbuttoned his shirt and opened it to show her the side of his torso. Mae moved over beside him to look at a spot he pointed to just below his rib cage. There was a scar there, but it was barely visible, just a small mark of raised skin nearly the same color as the rest of him. She wasn’t even sure she would’ve seen it if she wasn’t looking for it. It was only a few centimeters long. Without thinking, she touched it with her fingertip and traced its odd shape. They weren’t perfectly straight, but she could make out a vertical line that had two shorter lines extending from its top at a downward diagonal. It reminded her of a slanting F. He tensed at her touch, and without thinking, she splayed her fingers and rested her palm on his skin. It was warm and smooth, and a jolt of memories went through her. She jerked back.
“Sorry.”
“No problem.” He buttoned the shirt back up.
There was a weird moment of awkwardness between them, and she tried to remember the narrative. “So you made it out of the fire?”
“Not exactly.” He fell back into the stride of his story. “It was just as bad outside. We were by some woods, and it was almost impossible to make anything out. It was the middle of the night, and there was no moon, like in the dream. The smoke didn’t help. There was more light near the front of the inn, but that’s where most of those zealots were. Apparently they’d had more followers than we realized in the initial arrest. I started moving blindly into the woods, but one of them saw me and yelled for his colleagues. I ran but couldn’t see where I was going and could hear them approaching. That’s when I started following the ravens.”
“The ones who showed you the opening in the wall.”
“Yes. It was weird too—and not just because I was following two birds that had appeared out of nowhere. I mean, it was dark out, and they were black, but somehow I knew where they were going. They took me through this crazy convoluted path in the woods, finding openings in the trees I never could have seen on my own. I lost the pursuit, and after what seemed like forever, I emerged out near this road…just as some police and fire trucks were coming by. And the ravens vanished.”
Mae didn’t know what to make of the raven part, but the rest was certainly amazing. “You got lucky.”
He nodded. “Very. They got me back to civilization and caught the remaining members. Bruno—my security guy—got fired. I went back to the office and wrote up the report on what had happened. I didn’t say anything about the dream…but I did mention the ravens.”
Mae couldn’t respond. Bad enough for a servitor to harbor beliefs in the supernatural. But to write them up in an official report?
“I described how they’d led me places I couldn’t have known about and how they appeared and disappeared out of thin air. I didn’t even try to find a reason for it. I just wrote, ‘Perhaps there are supernatural forces in the world we can’t rule out.’ Cornelia wrote those same words on her note in Panama.”
Mae made the connection. “The letter I delivered.”
“Yup. It was Cornelia’s sign that the offer to come back was authentic. She wasn’t very happy about it at the time of the report, though. You wouldn’t believe all the shit I got from others. A servitor acknowledging something supernatural in an official report. My whole job is to show that stuff is make-believe and that those who subscribe to it are deluded. They berated me to redact it. They threw all sorts of theories at me, about how I’d mistaken things in the dark or that the ravens were just products of my subconscious showing me things I already knew. It would’ve been easy to delete it too. One line, Mae. One line, and it would’ve all gone away. But I just couldn’t do it.”
“Because you couldn’t explain what you saw.”
“Well, that, and because the ravens never left me.”
She waited for more, but it didn’t come. “You said they vanished.”
“They did—in physical form. But they went in here.” He tapped his head. “They live here in my mind. I don’t see them, not exactly, but I feel them there. They’re with me all the time. They talk to me. They want me to swear fealty to their god, but I dodged it with a, uh, technicality.”
“Justin…” Mae was floored. She had no ability to deal with something like this, except to suggest he completely stop all drugs and alcohol. Her earlier outrage was gone. Now she felt sorry for him. “You can’t…you must be mistaken. You went through a lot. If you thought you saw them that night, then maybe you…I don’t know. Maybe you convinced yourself they were real and just developed some kind of…” She hated to use the word, but there was no other. “Delusion.”
He collapsed back against the bed and laughed without much humor. “Oh, believe me. You have no idea how many times I told myself that. How many times I still tell myself that. I didn’t mention that in the report, though. I wasn’t that crazy. That one line got me into enough trouble, enough to get me exiled. Imprisoning me was too dangerous. What if I told someone else about what I’d seen—or thought I saw? They just had to get rid of me, get me away from honest Gemmans altogether. Three days after I filed that report, I got a military escort to the airport and was told to pick a place to go. ‘Anywhere but here,’ they said.”
There was an earnestness in his face and more of that desperation from earlier. Whatever was going on here, Justin believed it was true. Mae didn’t. She couldn’t because she didn’t believe the world had things without explanation.
“Justin, I don’t know what to say.”
“You think I’m crazy. I’ve thought about it myself.”
“No…I think you’re dedicated and astute and actually kind of brilliant. But you went through a lot.”
“The ravens are real,” he said adamantly. “I don’t understand the how or the why, but they’re real. I denied it for a long time, but they’ve been with me for four years. They know things that I couldn’t possibly know.”
Just because something had been with you for four years didn’t mean it was real. If anything, Mae just thought it was proof of a serious problem. Unwilling to say so, she switched subjects as a realization hit her. “SCI already knows about your beliefs.”
“Well, not all of them.”
“But the report is why Cornelia wanted you back?”
“It’s why Francis did,” Justin said. “They don’t understand the video, and he must’ve read the report. He’s a believer in something—I can spot that stuff—and figured maybe the only servitor who has gone on record contradicting his job’s premise might be able to do something on a case that defies the RUNA’s founding principles. That, and I’ve seen other things….”
“Like what?”
“Things I can’t explain. Feats of power. People like Callista.”
Mae didn’t really find Callista to be proof of a higher power. “What’s so special about her?”
He studied her. “You don’t see it? It’s hard for me sometimes, I guess. Some can hide it. But there are people out there who sometimes shine with power. Every once in a while, if I look just right, I can make it out.”
The words sent chills down her spine. “What kind of power?”
“I don’t know. Callista was the first person I ever saw who manifested that—and it freaked me out. I didn’t know what to do. It was why I didn’t write her up.”
“Was that why you slept with her?” Mae asked archly.
“I slept with her because she was hot and wanted me. Maybe we’re dealing with the supernatural, but I’m still human. I never told Cornelia about Callista, but I occasionally hinted at some of the other things I saw—off the record. Cornelia told me to forget about them and didn’t seem to think they were a big deal, at least until I put one of them in writing.”
Mae mulled over the subtext. “Are you saying the head of SCI believes there are higher powers at work in the world?”
“I don’t know if she believes in them, but she knows the reports are out there. And even if she doesn’t like it—or me—I’m here because they’re grasping at straws.”