On the verge of taking her, he'd sudden gone completely still, his fingertips digging into her h*ps so hard she knew she'd have ten finger-sized round bruises on her skin in the morning.
He moved away so abruptly she would have fallen if not for the table holding her up. She blinked back tears as she slowly pushed herself up so that she was standing, using the time to pull her underwear back up and smooth down her skirt to catch her breath. Finally, when she felt strong enough, she turned and faced her husband.
He'd righted his clothes too and now he was standing halfway across the room-- away from her--his hands in fists, his eyes so dark and so bleak she had to choke back a sob.
"Tell me what you see now. Tell me if they're all blind now, Anna."
She knew what he was doing, that he was trying to force a monster into the room. But there wasn't one.
"I see a man who knows exactly how to touch me."
His jaw tightened, his biceps flexing as he clearly worked to control himself. "Fuck no, Anna, I was hurting you."
"We both know you weren't," she countered in a soft voice as she took a small step toward him. "We both know I was loving, craving your touch. The way I always do. The way I always will. The way I'm craving it right now."
She knew she had to be careful, that the big strong man who hadn't run from anything in his life was a heartbeat away from bolting. But she was so sick of being careful. She'd spent a lifetime being careful.
She'd taken her first risk on Friday night when she'd let Cole kiss her, and then one after the other since in his arms. Every minute with him the risks grew bigger.
But so did her courage.
"Do you want to know what else I'm seeing, Cole?"
Instead of answering her, he said, "Don't do this, baby. Don't try to convince yourself that I'm someone I'm not."
"Don't you dare talk to me like I don't know my own eyes. My own mind. My own heart."
And despite the way he was trying to push her away, she knew deep in her heart that she wasn't wrong about him.
"I know what I see. I see a man who loves his grandmother, who plays for his team with all of his heart, who treats complete strangers with respect." She took another small step toward him. "I know what I feel. I feel your innate tenderness. I feel the pure comfort of being in your arms. And I know, without a doubt, that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
His eyes flashed as she repeated his earlier, sleepy words back to him. His barriers had been down after their lovemaking, so different from the thick wall she was facing tonight.
"I see what you let me see, Cole. But I want to see so much more. I want you to trust me the way I've trusted you."
"You know firsthand just how well I can lie, Anna. You shouldn't trust me. Not for one second, sweetheart."
Did he hear himself call her sweetheart even when he was trying like hell to push her away? She'd given him her body. Now there was only one thing left to give him.
And even though she knew it was the very thing he was fighting against, she couldn't keep it inside.
She wouldn't.
Not when he'd taught her how to take a chance, how to grab his hand and fly higher than she'd ever thought she could.
"I'm not an opponent you can tackle to get me out of your way," she told him. "If you want to try to push me away then you'd better be ready for me to push right back." She moved the rest of the way across the room, leaving only a couple of feet between them. "I thought I was the one who needed to learn from you. I thought I was the scared one, that you weren't afraid of anything. I thought you knew more than I did. I thought you were going to teach me crazy and I was going to learn everything I could. But only about pleasure."
She stopped, held his dark, dangerous eyes with her own. She wasn't scared anymore.
Even though her heart was completely on the line.
Instead, the strength of her feelings for the one man she never would have thought to fall for in a million years gave her the strength she'd always been searching for.
"You are the only person who's ever looked at me and thought that there might be strength inside. You are the only one who's ever held my hand and helped me fly." She held out her hand to him. "Let me do that for you, Cole."
His face was completely empty of expression and it took everything in her to keep her hand from trembling, to keep from backing away from the biggest chance she'd ever taken.
It took more strength than she even knew she possessed to hold steady, to know that she couldn't force him to feel something he didn't feel.
And to still say, "I love you."
Chapter Sixteen
Her bravery stunned him. The sweet girl he'd propositioned in Las Vegas was still there, just as innocent, her halo still hovering over her beautiful hair. But that Anna wasn't the only one standing in front of him, hand outstretched. An incredibly strong woman stood there, too.
Offering him something he didn't deserve: Love he didn't think he was capable of returning.
Cole didn't know what the f*ck he was going to do about it. All he knew right then was that he couldn't let her go. Not like this.
Not fu**ing yet.
It was the fear of losing her that had him pulling his feet up out of the hardening cement, it was a vision of her dropping her hand and walking away forever that made him reach out and take it.
Their first night together, he'd held her hand, had loved the feeling of protecting her. But he didn't know who was protecting whom anymore.
He dropped his gaze to their linked hands, turned hers over and stroked his thumb across the base of her palm, along the very edge of her wrist.
"I--"
Cole had lied so many times. Lies had kept him on teams he should have been cut from.
Lies had kept him in beds he shouldn't have been allowed anywhere near. One more lie shouldn't be so hard. One more lie would keep Anna right here with him.
He lifted his gaze to hers, watching her watching him as blue turned to green, then back again. The storm was still raging in her ocean eyes, everything swirling together--her love, her pain, her hope, the desire he'd taught her to crave.
There was only one other wish he'd wanted to grant so badly. Making that wish come true for his grandmother had brought Anna to him.
But he couldn't grant this wish for love as easily. Cole hadn't grown up in a home where he could watch how a man was supposed to love a woman. But Anna had.
"Don't, Cole." She gripped his hand more firmly in hers. "Don't say something you don't mean just to try and make me happy. That isn't what I want from you. That isn't why I said what I just said."
But even as she spoke, she moved closer and he could smell the storm on her, sweet and spicy and darker than ever. And he couldn't help but notice she hadn't said "I love you" again, just as he couldn't help the flash of disappointment at not hearing it fall from her sweet lips one more time.
Knowing himself for the bastard that he was, he said the only thing he could.
"I really, really, really, really like you."
Disappointment flared blue-green, before laughter filled her big eyes. Eyes that would haunt him forever.
"Wow. Four really s. That's a whole lot of like."
The words danced in her laughter, but all he could hear was the pain beneath them.
"Anna, I--"
But this time, she wouldn't let him finish, her finger moving over his lips. "Take me to bed, Cole."
And as he lifted her into his arms, instead of the relief he should have been feeling that she'd not only let him off the hook but still--miraculously--wanted to be in his bed, Cole couldn't escape the dragging feeling of discontent in his gut that told him he was on the verge of making the biggest mistake of his life.
* * *
Anna felt Cole's frustration as if it were her own. She'd never learned how to block out other people's emotions, especially when she cared deeply for the person who was hurting. She should have been the one in pain--the one who gave love and only got like in return. And yes, a part of her was smarting from that. But for all of her fears, she'd grown up with a foundation of love. While she knew Cole had always been loved by his grandmother, she suspected that hadn't been enough. He'd needed a family of more than two.
If she could, she'd give him all the love he'd never had. Even knowing he might not ever give it back to her.
He laid her down on the bed, so gently she knew he was trying to make up for the way he'd been on the dining table. He moved away, but she was quicker, pulling him off of his feet so that he couldn't stop himself from falling onto her, the hard thud of his heavy muscles knocking the breath from her lungs.
"I keep hurting you," he said as he lifted his weight up over her.
Didn't he know she loved having all of him, loved knowing she drove him so wild that he lost control and took them both to the edge of reason?
"No, Cole. You would never hurt me. Never."
She took advantage of his surprise by pushing him with all her might so that he was lying sprawled on their bed. She swung her legs over his, tucking her groin against the hard length in his jeans.
He groaned and she threaded her fingers through his, holding them away from his body.
"I'm sure one day I'll need you to be gentle, to kiss me softly and stroke me, to whisper in my ear and take me slowly."
Pure lust flared in his eyes at her soft words, his h*ps grinding into hers as automatically as hers came down onto his.
"But I've had gentle my whole life." She let her lips move into a wicked smile she hadn't known was a part of her. Until Cole. "Right now, I like it--" She leaned down, the tips of her hair brushing against his chest, his neck as she put her mouth to his ear. "--raw." She nipped at his earlobe. "And rough." She licked over the small bite. "So, are you going to keep apologizing to me--or are you going to give me what I really want?"
And just as she'd hoped he would, he immediately answered her demand with one of his own as his strength overpowered hers, flipping her onto the mattress. But then, she saw him pull back, watched as his hard-won control came back down over them.
"You don't know what you're saying." His nostrils flared, his jaw jumped. "You don't know what you're asking for."
Excitement, anticipation, desire, along with the swirling darkness surrounding Cole, shuddered up her spine, made her ni**les even harder, sent blood racing between her thighs.
"Everything." She could be just as stubborn as the beautiful man she'd fallen so deeply in love with in such a short time. "I want everything you can give me." She wrapped her legs around his hips, pushed herself into him. "Just like this, Cole, take me just like this. Show me how much you want me. I need to know how much you want me."
Still fully clothed, he thrust against her as hard as he ever had, his hands dropping hers to grab her h*ps instead. She gasped as he roughly gripped her still-tender butt cheeks, but instead of pulling back he gripped her harder, grinding her sensitive, almost painfully aroused flesh against his erection. The covered zipper against her cl*t drove her crazy with need, but it was his words--"You have five seconds to come or you're going to feel my hand on your sweet ass again"--that had her pu**y clenching. And oh God, how she held out those five seconds, as he ground out, "Five. Four. Three. Two," pausing far longer than he needed to before saying, "One,"
she didn't know.
And then she wasn't thinking anymore, couldn't get any part of her brain that wasn't connected to sex to work, because he had flipped her back over, one hand in her hair to keep her face down against the mattress, the other shoving her dress up, her panties down. And then he was lifting her h*ps up so that she was on her knees and she could almost feel it, the sweet burning of his palm across her skin.
Nothing happened. The air was still. She held her breath, then had to let it out when she didn't have enough oxygen.
Whack!
Nothing could have prepared her for his hand coming down over her pussy. She cried out, the sound more pleasure than pain, partially swallowed by the thick comforter. There was no time to get used to the new sensations wracking her, no time to try and anticipate his next move, no time to get her head around the fact that she was being spread open by thick fingers, that they were driving high and hard inside of her.
She'd asked for rough and he was giving her things she'd never known she wanted, never could have guessed that she needed. Every second, he took her higher, showed her something new and wonderful. Like now, with his teeth against the raw, tender skin of her bottom, his thumb a hard and wonderful press against her clit.
The beginnings of a cl**ax crawled down her spine, one heavy throb of pleasure after another, slower to build than any other orgasm he'd given her, but promising to be so much bigger, so much better. Anna gloried in deeper, darker pleasure than she'd even known was possible.
And then, as she felt Cole's h*ps behind her, his c**k pushing her open so much farther than his fingers had, as his chest covered her back, as he turned her head to the side and his mouth found hers, Anna finally understood what love could do.
Love could take pleasure and make it thrilling bliss, blessed ecstasy. Love could throw her into the midst of luscious heat. And through it all, through every rough and raw and overpowering release, even as she lost not just her control, but the entire thread of who she was, Cole was there with her. Strong. Comforting.
And more loving than he seemed to know.
Chapter Seventeen
"I meant to tell you last night," Cole said as she was brushing her hair in front of the mirror the next morning, "Julie set up an interview." He paused, his gaze locking with hers in the mirror. "For us to talk about our marriage."
Anna had known something like this had to be coming, that Cole's fans would demand answers about his quickie marriage to a nobody. But that knowledge didn't make her any less nervous about it.
She was happy blending in, fading into the background. At least, she'd always thought so.
It was only these past few days, in the hours she'd spent with Cole, that she'd begun to wonder at the truth of everything she believed about herself.
Still, finding a core of deep sensuality inside herself was a very different thing than wanting any part of the limelight.
"The writer is a friend of Julie's. You don't have to answer any questions you're not comfortable with."
Anna knew he was trying to reassure her. And though she was glad to hear the interview wasn't going to be televised, she needed to know something first. "Which paper?"