I’m touched by his concern but simultaneously mortified. “You really don’t have to do that.”
If only they knew that my stay single plan is already in jeopardy because I can’t keep my thoughts, or hands, away from Gabe.
Eli seems to understand that I'm uncomfortable. Probably because he really doesn't want to talk about this either.
"The option is always open. I'll leave you two ladies to talk." He pulls out his cell phone and moves to the other side of the room.
I turn back to Kay. She's digging in her purse. Finally she finds what she's looking for, which turns out to be a small bag of potato chips. When she feels the heat of my gaze, she looks up. "What?"
"I can't believe you told Eli. Don't you guys have better things to talk about than me? Like the newest sex toys on the market or something."
Kay was initially a little freaked out when she discovered that her hunky future hubby was into some of the more adventurous things in the bedroom. However, she quickly discovered that having an inventive and creative man in your bed is not something to fear.
"Not lately." Kay looks miserable. "Things aren't as perfect as they seem. He hasn't touched me in weeks."
"Is he worried about hurting you? Some guys are weird about sex during pregnancy. Every time I see you guys, he’s telling you to put your feet up or to relax. If he thinks standing is too taxing for you, he's probably afraid to touch you."
Kay stills and then her eyes swing to mine. The guilty look on her face says it all. “I was going to tell you after my first doctor's appointment. Damn Eli and his meddling!”
I laugh. “Kay, that wasn’t what gave it away. You think I can't tell when my bestie has a bun in the oven? I was there for the first round of pregnancy cravings, remember?” I point at the package of chips that she’s inhaling.
She crumples the now empty package in her fist and sighs. “I’m even hungrier than I was with Hope. I’m trying to keep it under control so I won’t gain so much weight this time. I don’t want Eli to feel like he’s marrying a cow.”
“Eli loves you and you are going to be a gorgeous bride. I’m totally jealous of the way he looks at you.”
She glances over at me. "I am pretty lucky, huh?"
"You know you are. But then again, so is he."
"That's what it's about. Finding someone who makes you feel like you won the lottery. You always date these guys who don't appreciate you. I think you do it to stay in control. You need to meet someone who isn't intimidated by you but will challenge you."
Her words make me a little sad. "But what if I meet that guy and the challenge is too much?"
Eli appears at her elbow. "Sorry to interrupt but I need to get back."
Kay's eyes narrow and for a moment I'm sure she's going to ask me to explain that cryptic statement. Then she smiles and turns to Eli. "It's okay. I think we've meddled enough for one day."
* * * * *
The things Eli told me stay on my mind long after they leave. Even though I know Gabe has changed, I wonder what got him into stealing cars in the first place. It doesn’t fit with the things I know about him. The way he’s so protective of his family and the way he took care of me when I was sick. It’s so hard to reconcile that with a guy who stole cars and almost ended up in jail.
When Gabe shows up the next evening, I think he can tell that I have a lot on my mind. He settles back on the couch to watch television while I put a dish of baked chicken breasts in the oven. I set the timer and then drop down on the opposite end of the couch. He reaches over and pulls my feet into his lap.
“Rough day?”
I nod absently. It’s so nice to have someone here to share this part of the day with. Normally I’d watch the news while I finished dinner or maybe read a few chapters of a book. But my mind is running in so many directions and I know that I won’t be able to concentrate on anything with these questions unanswered.
“Eli and Kay came by yesterday. I think they’re a little worried about us spending so much time together. I guess Eli did background checks on all of you guys when Tank first found you.”
The hunted look on his face makes me sad. That’s not how I want to make him feel, like I’m judging him for his past choices. Especially since he’s never judged me for mine.
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve told you over and over again that I’m not a good guy, Sasha. I’ve done a lot of things that I regret.”
“You think this makes a difference to me? I know you Gabe. I’m not judging you. I just want to understand.”
Gabe’s hand pauses in the middle of massaging the ball of my foot. After a heartbeat, the gentle motion starts again.
“Things were hard for our moms. Paula worked as a caretaker for an elderly cousin, which didn't pay much, and my mom was always a breath away from getting fired from her janitorial job. There never seemed to be enough money.”
He looks so far away and when he pauses, I’m scared to even ask what happened next. Even though I know everything worked out for them in the end, it hurts my heart to think of Gabe and Zack watching this unfold as little kids. My comfortable upbringing shielded me from this kind of suffering and it’s shocking to see it from the inside. And makes me more than a little ashamed that I’ve never thought about these kinds of things before.