“Oh that’s disgusting,” she says with a laugh.
Seeing her smile puts me at ease a little bit. If she can still laugh, she isn’t dying from some horrible, unnamed disease.
Claire suddenly stops and moves in front of me with a serious look on her face.
“You see?” she whispers conspiratorially. “This is why I have never set foot in one of these places,” she states, looking over her shoulder and then back to me. “Look at that creepy, old guy over there in front of the ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ bin. He is about one ‘Shaving Ryan’s Privates’ away from whipping his dick out in the middle of the store and throwing his goo at us like in ‘Silence of the Lambs’,” she complains.
She gives one last nervous look over her shoulder at him and lets go of my hand to go down a different aisle, clearly needing to distance herself from the guy who now has both of his hands in his baggy pants pockets and is jerking them at an alarming speed. The guy obviously hadn’t read the sign hanging above the movies that said, “Please do not jerk off in our store. Thank you!” There is even a smiley face on the sign. It's oddly disturbing, yet comforting all at the same time.
I turn to follow Claire, stopping at a random display and grabbing the first bottle I see and read the back of it to see what it does. I read a few words when the sound of Claire’s whispering brings my head up. I see her talking animatedly to Jenny a few feet away, most likely sharing her views about the DVD section and its inhabitants. I stand there for a few minutes just watching her when she suddenly throws her head back and laughs. It's one of those deep, full belly laughs that is impossible to stifle and it gives me goose bumps hearing it. It feels like someone punched me in the stomach and my heart starts pounding faster.
I love her so f**king much.
This isn’t a revelation, but all of a sudden in the middle of Adult Mart I feel like nothing else matters but the fact that I love Claire. She is my dream come true, my life, and my everything. Does it really matter if I plan the best proposal in the world and spend weeks trying to come up with just the right words? She isn’t the type of girl who cares about that stuff and I know it. I want everything to be outlandish because it’s what I think is expected, not because it’s what I think will be perfect for her. Asking her to be my wife and to grow old with me – that’s what matters, not the amount of money I spend renting a jumbotron, or the meetings I have with the manager of a restaurant, or the stupid three-page speech I memorize. Waking up every morning next to this woman and tucking my son into bed every night is all that I care about. Claire and Gavin are my whole world, and I don’t want to wait one more second to ask her to make it official in the eyes of God and everyone we know.
Spur of the moment. Isn’t that the way you were supposed to do these f**king things anyway?
I swallow the knot that forms in my throat, suddenly nervous that the moment is here. The one I have been planning for and rehearsing – it's here and it's right f**king now.
I tear my gaze away from Claire for a moment and glance around me. Porn, dildos of all shapes, sizes and colors, and a shelf full of anal lube.
Jesus, does that say cinnamon-flavored anal lube? I don’t even want to think about a situation that requires flavored anal lube. I must be insane that I am actually contemplating this right now.
I stand there with my hands sweating, heart pounding, and a bottle of Lickity Stiff Arousing Cream clutched to my chest.
Fuck it.
I take a deep breath, my decision made. With determination, I walk over to where Claire is still chatting with Jenny. She turns to face me just as I reach her and takes the bottle I'm holding out of my hand to read its contents.
“Lickity Stiff Arousing Cream? I’m pretty sure you don’t need this,” Claire says with a laugh.
She turns around to place it back on a shelf, and I take a deep breath for good measure, reach into my pocket, and wrap my fingers around the velvet box that I still carry around with me just in case. With Claire’s back to me, I pull out the box and start to kneel.
“Holy shit!”
The exclamation interrupts my descent to the floor, and I pause with both of my knees slightly bent, looking like I'm getting ready to take off sprinting in a race. Claire turns around just as a hand clamps around my bicep and dragged me backwards.
“Liz, what are you doing?” Claire asks.
“Just need to talk to Carter for a second. Need a guy’s opinion about p**n , no worries!”
I stumble and shove the ring box back in my pocket as I try to turn around and keep up with Liz. Despite my protests, she continues to hold onto my arm and walk faster.
“Liz! What the f**k?! I was kind of in the middle of something,” I complain as we get further away from Claire who stares at us with confusion on her face.
“Oh I know what the f**k you were in the middle of, dumbass!” Liz whispers loudly.
She finally stops when we are on the opposite side of the store from Claire and turns to face me.
“You’re proposing to Claire?” she asks with her hands on her hips and a mixture of awe and anger on her face
“Well, I was trying to until I was rudely interrupted,” I tell her, putting my hands on my hips and staring her down. She is small and feisty, but I have cocks on my side. Hundreds of them I can fling at her and then flee in the other direction when she attacks.
“You’re proposing to Claire.”
This time it's a statement rather than a question.