What the hell was holding me back? Just the fear of the risk, of letting him all the way in and getting destroyed when I’d barely put myself back together.
Walking into class yesterday, I’d slid into my seat at the same time a leggy brunette perched on his desk. I kept my eyes on my notebook, pressing the date deeply into the paper as her giggle nauseated me. “Josh, I can’t wait to see you play tomorrow night. I bet you’ll score a goal just for me, huh?”
Vomit. This would be it. The moment I realized he’d finally grown tired of waiting for me to get my act together.
“I’m hoping to score a lot of goals, Scarlet.” Double vomit.
Her giggle was even more obnoxious than the first one. “Of course.” What the hell was she? Part hyena?
“And there’s only one girl I’m thinking about.” Why did he have to use that tone of voice? The one without flirting or chauvinistic shimmer? Why did he have to use the low, seriously sexy one he reserved for me, the one I couldn’t ignore . . . at her?
His hand reached across the aisle and captured mine. My gaze flew toward his, and I found him staring. My smile must have told Scarlet everything she needed to know, because she hopped right off his desk.
“Sorry, Ember! I didn’t realize . . . well, yeah!” She bounced back to her seat.
He didn’t drop my gaze. “I meant every word.”
“I know.” And I did.
“Gus is starting tomorrow.”
“Yeah, you’ve done amazing things with him.”
“He’s an amazing kid,” he countered. “December, about tomorrow—”
“Don’t.” My fingers cut into my palms around the pen. “Don’t ask again, not yet. There’s something in me that can’t tell you no, so just don’t.”
He kissed my hand, a quick brush of his lips against my palm, and dropped his hold.
I wanted him with a desperation that threatened to overwhelm my common sense, and I never allowed that to happen.
“Ember!” April’s voice snapped me back to the present.
I slid past Mom and took the seat next to April. We were two rows behind Gus’s bench, but the ice was empty. The boys had already warmed up and were in the locker room getting their pep talk. The arena was about halfway full, not bad for a pee-wee hockey tournament. If they won this game, it was on to the league championships.
“You didn’t bring me coffee,” my sister pouted.
“I didn’t realize you were coming.” I offered her mine, but she shook her head.
“It will give me an excuse to sneak out during second period and find a Starbucks.” She laughed and went back to playing on her iPhone.
I sipped my mocha and smiled at Mom, who returned it. Her skin was flushed, her eyes bright with excitement. She’d been looking forward to this game all week. Sitting with her on those wooden chairs felt like nothing had changed, almost like she had never left.
Her eyes drifted past me, and a wider smile graced her thin face. “Gwen! I saved you a seat!” She waved up to Mrs. Barton, and I cringed.
Riley’s mom slid past me, patting my shoulder. “So good to see you, Ember!” She gave me a little wink. “I brought you a present. Maybe you two could have a little talk?”
Oh no.
She did not.
April kept her head pointed at her phone, but slid her eyes my way with raised eyebrows. Her gaze landed above my head briefly, and her indrawn breath told me he was here. “You okay?” she mouthed at me.
I swallowed and tried to find a little bit of that grace Mom preached so heavily about within me. Be the better person, my ass.
“Hey, babe.”
Riley’s voice drenched me in familiarity. I didn’t bother looking up. Besides, the ice was fascinating, right? “Don’t call me that.”
He sat next to me. “Sorry, old habits and everything.”
“Right, and everything.”
“Ember, can we at least be civil?” He angled toward me.
“I’d tell you to fuck right off, if I were Ember, but I’m allowed to say those things, seeing as I’m all grief-stricken and whatnot,” April answered from next to me, still engrossed in her phone.
Mom shot her a death glare.
I checked my watch. They’d take the ice any second now, and I’d be stuck next to Riley for hours in crappy, uncomfortable silence if I didn’t swallow my pride and make nice. The high road sucked. “We can be perfectly civil, Riley.”
He reached across the cup holder and held onto my hand. “I’ve missed you.”
I yanked my hand away from his. “I said civil, Riley. Don’t touch me.”
“Can you at least look at me?”
I turned, expecting my heart to break all over again, but oddly enough, it only twinged like a splinter. “Happy?” Not that he didn’t look good, because he did. Abercrombie perfect as usual, but there was something in those blue eyes that wasn’t normally there. Remorse?
“Not really, honestly. Not since you left.”
The announcer spared my speechlessness. “Your Colorado Tigers!” Cheers erupted around us as the boys skated out, raising their arms to the roof like they were already NHL stars. I jumped to my feet, calling out Gus’s name and clapping. He’d worked so hard to get here. I couldn’t be more proud of him.
The boys skated around the goal and back to stand in a straight line. Jagger walked onto the ice and into the box, followed by the head coach, and then my breath caught. Josh came out onto the ice and turned into the box. His black suit draped over the powerful angles of his body, complete with black shirt and gold tie. I had the most ludicrous vision of winding that tie over my hand and pulling him toward me.