“These late night phone calls are becoming a habit, Tristan. If you aren’t careful, I’m going to start thinking you really do care about me.” Ben’s voice was smooth, practiced, even though Tristan had no doubt he’d woken up his only friend in the world. He hadn’t even realized how well he really knew Ben until recently, which was ridiculous on his part. They’d met in college. He was the only man Tristan spoke to. Apparently, even though Tristan had kept him emotionally at arm’s length, he’d let himself get closer than he realized. And Ben felt even more for Tristan than he’d known.
“Don’t. You know this isn’t easy for me.” He took a deep breath and leaned back. “And you know I care as well.” Ben’s friendship meant something to him, though it had taken falling in love with Josiah and then Mateo for Tristan to realize it.
“Yeah, I know you do. And don’t worry, I would never really think you were falling in love with me.”
Guilt bounced around his insides, hitting every organ he had. “Ben.” Tristan’s hand twitched with the urge to hang up. He still struggled to work through the feelings for the men he was in love with. As much as it killed him to hurt Ben, how did he work through that as well?
“I’m kidding. Well, not that I think you’ll fall in love with me, but I’m not lying around pining over you. You’re not that good-looking. Speaking of, you would have liked the man I fucked tonight. None of that topping from the bottom bullshit. He just wanted to be fucked, and for me to call all the shots. That was always a struggle with us.”
He’d fucked Ben through college and law school. He’d been the only man Tristan fucked that he’d actually wanted to be with back then. The others he’d prostituted himself out to. Not that Ben knew that part.
It had always been a struggle between them, though. Ben was a top, and dominant by nature, yet he’d been willing to give himself to Tristan. Which means I should have known... All that time, I should have known he was in love with me.
“Still fucking men you meet in clubs, who don’t know your name?” Tristan asked. “It shouldn’t matter, Ben. You’re—”
“Fuck you, Tristan. You have your shit and I have mine.”
Ben was right about that. Still, he couldn’t imagine hiding that part of himself from the world. Tristan didn’t get close, but he also didn’t lie about who he was. “You’re right. I apologize. Any news?” he asked, hoping to change the subject. He wasn’t good at apologies and didn’t want to drag it out.
There was a pause, and then Tristan heard noise on the other end of the phone. Ben must have gone to his office. Keys on a computer clicked. Papers rustled.
“Are you in trouble?” Ben asked.
Tristan chuckled at that. Even if he did open up easily, how would he explain this to Ben? “No.”
There was a sigh on the other end of the line. “Trust me, Tristan. You at least owe me that. You fell in love with that kid, when I’ve always been here. I get it, but we’ve talked about this before. You owe me more of a friendship than the one I get. Why do you care what’s going on with a known Mexican gangbanger in New York?”
Tristan closed his eyes. One, two, three, four five. He focused on his pulse, knowing Ben would eventually ask. And it wasn’t as though he couldn’t keep an eye on things from a legal aspect. Yet he’d asked Ben.
“What do Ricky and Javier Sanchez have to do with you? Is it your boy? I know he’s from here.”
“He’s not a boy,” was the only answer Tristan gave. It was better than the humorless laugh that tried to come up his throat. What was he supposed to say to that? Yes, this has to do with the man Josiah has always loved, only now I love him as well.
“Fuck.” Ben groaned. “So, still a one way road? Got it. I have a client who’s had dealings with him. I got my client off for gun charges not too long ago; Javier was one of the names being kicked around. It’s strange, though. In the grand scheme of things, he’s little-league. Regular shitty street gang, yet there has been some bigger gun runs going on, with people much more important than him, yet I’ve heard his name more than once. I think he’s trying to play with the big boys. Bring Los Demonios out of the gutters, or at least build himself an arsenal for some reason. There’s been a few arrests, though. Some big name runners. So we’ll see where things go from there.”
Thank you teased the end of his tongue. He owed Ben more than that, though. Just like he owed his lovers more than he gave them. One, two, three, four, five. He needed to start paying those things back. “Remember Josiah’s old lover...when I told you he was back?”