No reply.
Mateo had been right. Josiah was lost. He only hoped he and Mateo were strong enough to find him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Mateo
Neither Teo nor Tristan slept. They only had a couple hours before Tristan had to be up early for work, anyway. Josiah had fallen sleep for a little while, but not long. At least he wanted Mateo and Tristan to believe he’d slept. Mateo wasn’t sure, and that fucking pissed him off. Josiah always came to Mateo when he needed Teo.
“I’m in court today,” Tristan told them as he got out of bed.
Josiah flinched, then climbed out behind him. “I’m going to the Wharf.”
“I’ll go with you.” Teo stood and stretched. Josiah was already shaking his head.
“You have to meet your PO this morning.” He didn’t look Mateo in the eyes as he spoke. Josiah always looked at him. Always.
“Fuck.” He glanced at Tristan and then back at Jay again. “Wait for me. We can go together to my PO, and then I’ll go with you.” Josiah needed him, needed them. He fucking knew it, but there was more to it than that. What he told Tristan could have been wrong. The people he spoke to in New York could have been wrong. The motherfuckers could have been lying. What if Javier wasn’t there? Teo would fucking kill him if he’d done this.
The fire didn’t feel like his game. He hurt up close and personal, but Mateo wasn’t willing to risk Josiah. He needed to be sure.
“It’s okay. I’ll be okay, Teo. I know you have stuff to do.” Josiah walked over to his dresser and opened the drawers.
“Let him go with you, Josiah,” Tristan told him.
“If you don’t want to wait, we won’t wait. I’ll figure somethin’ out. We can go first.” Which was a really fucking stupid thing for him to say. Risking jail time didn’t make sense, but if that’s what Jay needed, he’d do it. He’d be there for him. “I don’t want you alone.”
Josiah had his back to them both. His shoulders slumped, his body looking weak. “Maybe I need to be alone, Teo. I just... I can’t always depend on you and Tristan.”
Because they’d let him down recently. Dios, he and Tristan should have handled their shit better. “The fuck you can’t,” Mateo said at the same time as Tristan’s, “Josiah.”
With that, their lover, the man who breathed life into both Mateo and Tristan, turned around. He tried to smile but it didn’t reach his ears. Josiah could always smile at him.
“I’m okay. I just need to be right now. I don’t...” He shook his head. “Yesterday you two couldn’t look at each other. I had to leave because I didn’t know what else to do. And now I lost this. Our place. The dream I wanted to share with you both. I don’t... I’m just trying to work through it. I’m trying to figure out what to do. I don’t even know why we were falling apart.”
Mateo closed his eyes, dropped his head back. How the fuck did they get here? Jay didn’t need space. Tristan did at times. Mateo ran. Not Josiah. Josiah was their constant.
Mateo opened his eyes again when he heard Tristan speak. “It was me, not Mateo. We are fine now.”
Tristan glanced Mateo’s way and caught his eye. Mateo could see that Tristan wanted Mateo with Josiah as well. He could also see the frantic worry in the man’s eyes. They needed Josiah, their beacon, to stand strong. They needed him to be their center.
“It was just a disagreement, Jay. Everybody fights.”
“That was more than a normal argument. You guys were...” Josiah’s words trailed off, and then he took a deep breath. “You can’t miss your PO, Teo. I’ll go with you, and we can go to the Wharf afterward.” He’d not only changed the subject, but the words were hollow, empty, lost.
“You don’t wanna hang out with me, Jay?” Mateo tried to tease, hoping to lighten the mood. He walked over, wrapped his arms around Josiah’s waist, and kissed his neck. “I wanna hang out with you.” He wanted to do more than that. It had been too long since the three of them had been together.
“I always want to be with you both. Always have.”
They were the perfect words, but somehow they didn’t sound right.
“Hey,” Mateo told him. “You know I’ll always take care of you, right? This shit with the fire. They know it’s not you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I know.” Josiah pulled out of his hold, kissed his lips before pressing a quick kiss to Tristan’s. “I’ll go to the hall shower so Tristan can use this one. I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”