“What’s that?” he nodded toward the desk. It hadn’t been Tristan’s iPhone.
“For work. What’s wrong?” Tristan pushed to his feet, his chest bare, as he walked toward Mateo in his boxer-briefs.
Mateo didn’t answer, though he’d known Tristan would ask. Fuck, he’d wanted him to, because there was some shit he couldn’t talk about with anyone except Tristan. But he hated the fact that he needed to talk to anyone at the same time.
Mateo let his head move easily when Tristan put a finger beneath his chin and raised it. “Tell me what’s wrong, Mateo.”
He remembered the time he and Tristan had shoved each other against the walls of his old office. When Tristan had told him about the things he’d done. And when he thought of Tristan feeling like he had no choice but to sell his body, fire raced through his.
But still, Tristan had told him when he hadn’t told another person in the world. He’s the light to our dark, Tristan had told him about Jay. And it was true. He could handle it, Teo didn’t doubt that. He could probably handle more than Mateo or Tristan, but fuck, he hated being part of the dimness in Jay’s world. He didn’t want to drown out the way Jay saw and felt with all the shit he couldn’t seem to put behind himself.
Maybe that was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t fair to Josiah or Tristan, but it was the truth.
“I’m dreamin’ shit again. Don’t know why.” He shrugged. “Dios, that sounds so fuckin’ stupid, but I am. Everywhere I touched you, every fuckin’ time I touched either of you, I just kept getting blood all over you. All over our bed. I...”
Tristan studied him intensely. “How can you not see that all you ever did was protect what was yours?” Tristan’s forehead wrinkled in confusion, his eyes so fucking in tune and connected to Teo’s. It was like he really needed an answer to that. Like he really couldn’t understand. He knew more of Teo’s secrets than anyone. He knew that Teo had killed to protect Jay, but that he’d also killed out of revenge. He’d beaten men and seen them get killed, which to Mateo was just as bad as pulling the trigger himself.
“I had blood on my hands before I ever knew Jay. Tryin’ to prove myself to my father. I’m not that hero. I’m learnin’ to deal with it, but don’t make it look like I did all that shit for the right reasons. You know as well as I do there aren’t always the right reasons, and even if there are, it doesn’t change shit.” Because if it did, Tristan wouldn’t feel guilty about his sins as well. It was easy for Tristan to see things his way because he hadn’t done the things Teo had. He didn’t have to live with that, and Teo never wanted him to.
It was like a veil dropped over Tristan’s eyes, making him disconnect. Or maybe it was lifted, showing him the truth in what Mateo said. Selling his body still ate Tristan up even though he’d done it to get what he needed in life.
Instead of pulling away, though, Tristan leaned his forehead against Teo’s. He smelled strong, more Earthy than Josiah did, but Mateo loved the scent just as much.
“I’ll be here to take that burden off you. I’ll take care of you both this time. You won’t have to do anything like that again.”
Fuck, those words somehow started to wipe away the ache in his gut. Felt like they cleaned the blood from his skin better than the hot water ever could have.
“Tell me shit won’t get fucked up. That my past won’t hurt Jay, or you.”
Teo pulled back slightly at the small smile on Tristan’s lips. “It feels good to have people who trust me, who believe in me, however misplaced it might be. You took care of Josiah and yourself for years. I’ll take over now. I want to be that for you both.”
The protective instinct inside Mateo blasted through him. Not jealousy, but that need he still had to protect Jay, and now Tristan, too. It was all he’d ever had. “Nah. I wouldn’t want that shit for you. I’ll bear it. Doing it for Jay’s what kept me goin’.” But damn, Tristan’s words sounded good at the same time. To be protected. He’d never had that, and he suddenly wanted to give some of that back to Tristan, too.
“I told you before, Josiah was the only one who’d ever been inside of me, that it would only ever be the two of you. No one will ever be inside of you again, except the two of us. We are yours, and you are ours. I’ll take care’a you, too.” It was part promise for Tristan, but also staking his claim again, their claim. He needed to have Tristan, too, and he needed it soon.
Tristan didn’t reply to that. He pulled Teo into a hug and Teo let him. Fucking loved it. “I want to take you and Josiah away next weekend. I don’t know...just to be away from here. The three of us. Can you get off work?”