As I finish my speech, a strange feeling runs through me. I’m not sure if it’s finality, closure, hope, or a sense of new beginnings, but whatever it is—I’ll take it. It beats the despair and isolation that have kept me company for the past year. I raise the glass typewriter in the air. “I leave you all with these final thoughts. . . .”
My last words come out softer as the syllables catch in my throat. Applause reverberates through the grand ballroom and I close my eyes for a few moments, absorbing everything. When I open them a grin crosses my lips. But my smile isn’t for the strangers who surround me or even for my friends before me. It’s for the redheaded girl in the back of the room whose gaze keeps flickering over mine.
Exiting the stage, I keep my eyes locked on hers and can’t help noticing that hers are locked on mine . . . blue to green, a reflection from so long ago, but a memory I’ve never forgotten. However, I can’t read her. Each glance tells a different story. She seems to be shifting between emotions. Like to hate, disgust to admiration. She’s a blend of confusion that echoes my own feelings. I’m pulled from my thoughts as I approach the table and my sister rushes toward me.
“Oh, Ben, I’m so proud of you. I wish Mom were here to see you.”
“Yeah, me too,” I say as I hug her. Again my words catch in my throat.
“Mom, don’t cry,” Trent calls over my shoulder.
I grab his head in a vise lock. “Glad you made it home, kid.”
“I wouldn’t f**king miss this for the world.”
“Better lie low on the swearing or your mother will use the liquid soap in the restroom to wash out your mouth.”
“Yes, I will,” she adds.
I swing my arms around them both. “How do you hear everything?” I ask her as we approach the table.
“Superpowers.”
And I think, Oh yeah, just like our mom.
Caleb extends his hand and pulls me toward him. With his hand slapping my back, he doesn’t say a word, but I can feel what he feels. We had ridden this roller-coaster ride together. Both of our lives had changed once I started my investigation. I may have been the one who had to give up his identity, but a part of him was buried alongside me for those years. We both felt guilt, remorse, sorrow, but now was a time for celebration.
I push him away. “If you cop a feel I’m going to have to deck you.”
His grin broadens. “I’ll try to control myself.”
On a serious note I say, “Thanks for everything.”
His eyes dart to mine and I see the lump in his throat. “What are you drinking? I’ll grab another round,” he says.
“Sparkling water.”
He rolls his eyes.
“I need to keep my senses around you. Wouldn’t want you taking advantage,” I joke.
Caleb hasn’t been around much the past year. He hadn’t seen how I let alcohol consume me. Let it erase the memories that were just too hard to bear. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic, but I know I function much better when I stay away from it.
Kale and Beck are deep in conversation when I squat between them. “What am I missing that’s so important I didn’t even get a congratulations?”
Kale’s eyes take on a glimmer. “Beck here is telling me about . . .”
My attention wavers the minute I see her again. She pulls her mass of hair back and bends down to examine one of the dishes being set out. When she straightens she catches me staring. We’re close enough that I know she sees it when I smile suggestively, but she quickly cuts her eyes elsewhere. I narrow in on the vision before me. I can see her flawless skin left uncovered by her sleeveless dress. I notice the way her neck and arm flow into a sea of glimmer from the sparkling lights above. I imagine grabbing her, pulling her to me, and bending to nip the smooth hollow where her neck and shoulder meet. She looks back at me and this time a slight smile crosses her lips. I’ll be damned if it doesn’t light up the whole f**king room.
“Don’t go there, man,” Caleb’s voice warns.
“Hmm?” I turn to look at him.
“Here’s your drink.”
Turning back toward Beck and Kale, I clasp Kale’s shoulder. “Great work. Stop in my office Monday. I want to hear all about it.”
“I see the way you’re looking at her.” Caleb won’t drop it.
“I’m not looking at her in any way,” I deny.
“The f**k you’re not. You’re practically licking her off the rim of that glass.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His hard glare cuts across the room to where she stands. “Yeah, I think I do. Just remember she’s forbidden fruit. Leave well enough alone. You’re in a good place right now—you don’t need to go down that road.”
“I hear you.”He looks at me skeptically.
Glass in hand, I sip my drink and crunch on one of the ice cubes, thinking past wrongs and forbidden fruit—none of that matters when I remember the night we shared. I also know that my insides hum with every move she makes. But I don’t say anything else to Caleb, because he’s right; going down that road won’t lead to any place I need to go.
• • •
The night passes quickly with so many conversations with people I’ve never met. Beck left to pick his girlfriend, Ruby, up from work, and Kale followed him out, discussing whatever they are working on. Caleb was taking a red-eye back to wherever it is he goes, but said he’ll be back next month. And per his advice, I’ve gone out of my way to avoid S’belle, but it’s killing me to do it. I know there’s a huge chance she wouldn’t talk to me anyway after what happened this summer, but I also think there’s a chance she would and with Caleb’s words echoing in my ears, I’m not sure I should go there.
When my phone rings with a call from Aerie Daniels, I take the opportunity to slip away from the crowd. “Hello.”
“Hi, Ben. It’s Aerie.”
I open a door marked EXIT and end up in a quiet service hallway. With no one around I lean against the cool stainless wall behind me.
“Hey. Everything okay?” I ask.
Not only is Aerie my ex-fiancée’s best friend but she also works for me.
“I just wanted to apologize for not being there tonight. I’m leaving in the morning for that quick trip to New York City I told you about and thought I should get everything together for the November issue and go through it one last time.”
“Aerie, it’s going to be fine. Don’t stress about it.”
“Are you sure you don’t need me to stay?”
“I’m sure. Stop stressing. It’s all set and there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Okay. It’s just I’ve never been out of the office on trigger day. My plane lands first thing in the morning, so if anything—”
“Let’s bring out the desserts all at once.”
I hear a familiar sound—soft and sexy—nearby. Jerking my head to the right, I greedily take S’belle in. The way her body moves with each movement, I can’t suppress the memories that always surface when I see her. I remember everything about that night. Her perky tits that hardened the minute I caressed them, the way her mouth opened and her eyes closed when I touched her in the most intimate places, the feel of her hands seductively sliding over my body, the way she smelled, the raspy tone of her voice when she pleaded for more. My head begins to spin with fresh justification about why it’s okay to just talk to her. She exits the small space quickly, though, through the next set of doors, and again the hall is quiet once more.
“You there?” Aerie’s voice calls through the phone.
“I’m here.” I manage to make my own voice sound normal.
“Okay, then. I’ll check in when we land.”
“Sounds like a plan. And, Aerie, for f**k’s sake, have fun.”
She responds with a laugh, “Language, Ben, language,” and then she hangs up.
I shake my head and shove my phone in my pocket. Just as I’m about halfway to the door, it swings open again.
“Ben,” she greets me in a velvety soft voice.
I can’t even tell whether I’m more startled or happy to see her there. But when a flush runs up her neck and her breathing steadily picks up, I want to think she’s as impacted by my presence as I am by hers. Her reaction surprises me, but I’m even more surprised to see warmth in her gaze. My eyes drink her in with a thirst—her hot body, her beautiful stare. My nose catches a faint whiff of her lemony scent. She smells amazing and I almost spasm on the spot. Just as I open my mouth to speak, the door opens again.
“Did you find the serving spoons?” a guy much too young to be in charge asks.
“Grabbing them now,” she answers, chewing on her lip before moving across the hall to the counter and picking up a handful of silver ladles.
He holds the door open for her and she glances at me one last time before walking toward him. And as I watch her, the way her body moves with ease as she leaves, I can’t help thinking back to that night so long ago. The fantasy come to life that I’ve never been able to forget.
I filled my hands with her beautiful br**sts as I slammed into her from behind. Moans of passion that I weren’t sure if they were hers or mine. My body shaking, hers quivering. I had been drunk, but I felt completely sober when my hands roamed her body and my lips followed. Her pu**y was so sweet and I wanted more. Without any inhibitions, a string of my deepest darkest sexual desires left my mouth. I saw her smile at my words. She whispered how she wanted to answer them. And as I stood, I grabbed her neck and brought her mouth to mine. I felt my dick throb and I wanted more.
The way I felt when I was inside her was unlike anything I had ever experienced. But I force myself to blink the thought away. It’s not how I should be thinking. But f**k, seeing her again makes me horny as hell and makes me think about things I know I shouldn’t.
As I head back to the party, I tell myself that I need to leave the past in the past. But the words just don’t feel right.
CHAPTER 2
Past Lives
Bell
At first glance he had me aching for him. Just one word from him and I was purring. He exuded passion—I felt it the first time he touched me. If you met him, he would make you feel the same way too. I promise. Charming, elusive, full of sex appeal—nothing has changed. One look from Ben Covington and I know what he wants, and it’s not as though I don’t want the same thing too. But I also know all too well the pleasure I would feel would only be followed by a stabbing pain in my heart. That’s just the way it is with him. The only way it can be after everything we’ve been through.
I try to shake the memories he evokes, but they won’t budge. They just keep rushing back, flooding me further with want and need. I can’t help remembering how he made me feel. How I thought I ruled the world. How I even thought I had a superpower. It wasn’t as glamorous as Emma Frost’s telepathic manifestation or Wonder Woman’s ability to fly, but it was cool nonetheless. My superpower was that I had a way with words. Somehow my uncanny ability allowed me to talk myself into or out of just about anything—an extension on a late paper, a citation for illegally parking, admission into a sold-out club—it didn’t really matter what it was; if I wanted it I got it.
But I cursed that ability after the night I spent with him. Cursed him for everything, but especially for leaving an impact on my soul that felt as if it would last forever. Yet on seeing him tonight, hearing his moving speech, the feelings tumble through me as I set up the dessert table, making me question everything. I’m beginning to think I was wrong. Maybe wiggling my way into the fraternity party as a makeshift sorority sister and then into his bed wasn’t actually a curse. But if it wasn’t, then what was it?