I feel funny paying seven dollars in food stamps for a small sushi plate that's only going to last about two minutes, but it's so good, and it's healthy. I should learn how to roll my own. By the time you buy all the ingredients, and chop them up, it's not worth it. If I make a big batch, I'll eat it too fast.

Remember: Stock up on fruits and vegetables, but not too much, because it goes bad, and you'll have to throw out half a cabbage. Buy a wedge of Stilton. Just what you plan to eat in one sitting.

A whole aisle just for cat food. Buy meat, but not too much. Too many choices. A whole aisle for bottled water.

Theresa is in the paper towel aisle, her face up against a wall of napkins.

Everything looks good. Don't buy too much. My budget is eight dollars a day, but I already have fifty in my cart. Everywhere you turn- gourmet cooking demonstrations and free samples. In the middle of the blue cheese aisle, a performance of Romeo and Juliet.

Want to eat everything. Feel bad I can't. Have to choose. Yogurt has good bacteria, but a single is so small I can finish it in my mind, before my hand can grab it.

Pretty Tony is at the little McDonald's. I say, "We're at Schwegman's, man. You can get any kind of specialty food in the world, and you're eating here?"

"Niggaz don't eat specialty food." He takes a plastic tray with burger, fries, and soda. "I know what I like." Sit with him a minute, then shop more.

Where else can you find a three ounce loaf of millet/hemp bread cooked by real monks in Uganda? It comes in a burlap sack, so you know it's authentic. Twenty dollars? The great whore of stores. A sign of the end times. An abomination. Overload.

Read the labels on everything first. If it has the word hydrogenated, don't get it. Put it back on the shelf with the ingredients facing out, so people can be warned.

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Don't forget the budget.

Remember, I have to walk an hour to burn one cookie. Not worthy of love, unless have six-pack abs.

Feel bad because it will all be gone by tonight.

If I can just stick to an impossible diet for a year, then I won't be disgusting. Once they remove the excess skin. It must be nice, being one of those people, who already is okay. Why do I have to exert such effort, while others look good without having to do anything?




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