“You too, Kash with a K.”
“You know, my apartment is pretty bare.”
“That’s an understatement,” she whispered on a laugh as she sat back and put her seat belt on. “I happen to be locked out of my apartment and have nothing to do today . . .”
“You want to help me pick out new furniture?”
“Took you long enough to ask me!”
I smiled and threw my truck in reverse. “Smart-ass.”
“SO TELL ME honestly.”
I glanced over at Rachel, who was lying down beside me, and raised an eyebrow.
“Can you feel it, Kash?” Her eyes widened and she slapped down on the mattress. “Can you feel the difference this mattress makes?”
The saleswoman kept rambling on about the statistics of this bed and I tried not to laugh as Rachel acted as if what she was saying was from the Bible.
“Isn’t this one just great?” The woman leaned over the bed to look at us. Her drawl was so thick that her great sounded more like gright.
“Feels just like a cloud, you were so right!” Rachel smiled sweetly at her.
“Oh, I knew y’all would just love this one! But c’mon over to the other side of the store, I have a few more to show you. And they just blow this one right out of the water,” she said, and walked away to the next set of mattresses.
Rachel swung her legs over to the side and looked back at me, that same sweet smile plastered on her face. “It feels exactly like the last six except it’s an extra two thousand dollars. So that just makes it so much better!” She scrunched up her nose on the last few words and smacked her hand down on the mattress again.
I rolled off the mattress and pulled her with me as I followed the saleswoman. “You look like a Miss America contestant on shrooms,” I whispered to Rachel, and she snorted.
She began waving at no one in particular like she was in a pageant, and her smile widened. “In case you’re wondering, the snozberries do taste like snozberries.”
“Oh, I thought y’all were right behind me!” The saleswoman had stopped and turned to face us a good twenty feet ahead. “Well c’mon, you two, you’re gonna love this next one!”
I groaned and Rachel’s fake smile faltered. “Since when does me sound like maaayyy?” I asked quietly when she began walking again.
“She reminds me of Dolly Parton. She has got to go.”
I barked out a laugh and tried not to picture the saleswoman as a Dolly clone.
Three beds and four couches later and I thought I was going to strangle the Dolly impersonator. And we still weren’t done with this store. How had I gone day in and day out with drugged-out scum and hookers and not clawed my eyes out, but an hour with this woman had me wanting nothing more than to take off running out of the store while screaming at Rachel that it was every man for himself?
I swear, if it weren’t for Rachel and her smart-ass comments, I would have been hiding underneath one of the beds. But even Rachel was starting to look worn out. Her fake smiles were a little less Barbie and a little more ermahgerd, and she looked ready to pass out on the couch I’d just gotten up from.
“Hmm.” Dolly 2.0 tapped her chin and turned to look around her. “Ah! I got the perfect set over here!”
“That’s it,” Rachel whispered, a horrified look on her beautiful face. “This is where I die. In a furniture store the size of freakin’ Costco!” She shuffled off after the saleswoman and I quickly caught up to her side. When I got there, her psychotic-Barbie look was back. “Did you know the leather couches we’re about to look at have a warranty for ten years? No cracks!”
“Oh, well in that case, I have to buy these. Right?”
“Of course.” She got oddly silent as we followed along and out of nowhere started dancing all crazy and lip-syncing to the song playing throughout the store.
I stopped, my eyes going wide as I watched her. As soon as the chorus ended she stopped, and just in time, since our saleswoman had turned to see why we weren’t with her.
“Y’all coming?”
“Yes, ma’am!” Rachel answered since I was still looking at her with my jaw dropped. Her serene expression began cracking and she bit down on her bottom lip to keep from laughing. Glancing over at me, she gave me a soft nudge and winked before walking over to the next living room set, leaving me staring after her before I burst out laughing.
Damn, I’m pretty sure I just fell in love with Rachel Masters.
RACHEL FLOPPED DOWN onto the love seat and I stretched out on the couch with a groan. How do women like full days of shopping? This shit was exhausting. After we had finished at the furniture store, we’d gone to pick out lamps and other things Rachel deemed necessary before heading to the grocery store; I was ready to crash and not wake up until I needed to be at the department on Monday. But then all the furniture had arrived and we’d started “decorating.”
“You’re insane, woman.”
She grunted some form of agreement. “But you’re finished. You’re fully moved in.”
“I’m gonna kill Mason for not helping.”
“Yeah, well . . . I’m used to this by now.”
I rolled over so I could look at her. God, this girl was all long, tan legs. Thank God she’d still been in her pajamas when they locked her out. I’d had the best view all day. “Used to helping random guys pick out everything for their apartment?”