There was one piece of my heart that started to heal when he took care of me after my chemo treatment. Now that piece shattered into even more pieces than before. Tears started to sting my eyes as Dr. Murphy came back and handed me a bag full of pills.
“Here you go Ellery, you are to take these pills first thing in the morning before you eat, and I am scheduling your first round of injections 2 weeks from today.”
I managed a half-smile as I thanked her and walked out the door. The minute the warm California air hit my skin, the tears started to flow. I barely made it home before my legs started to shake. I made it up to my apartment and fell to the floor, sobbing into my hands. A loud knock startled me.
“Elle, its Mason, open up, I hear you crying.”
I turned around, still on the floor, and reached up and opened the door. Mason looked down and met me on the floor.
“What’s wrong?” he asked as he hugged me. My shoulders moved up and down as I tried to talk.
“I’m pretty sure Connor gave up on me.”
“Sweetie, you don’t know that for sure,” he pulled me closer. He sat with me on the floor while I cried. “Maybe he just is giving the two of you some space.”
“I don’t know. Peyton said he’s acting normal. How the f**k can he act normal when I’m a total mess?”
“Guys are different Elle; they don’t wear their heart on their sleeves like women do. Give him some time; I’m sure he’s just as upset but not letting Peyton know it.” I shook my head and got up from the floor.
“Thanks Mason, I appreciate it.” He hugged me tight and left to go back to his apartment.
I spent the rest of the day painting a vision I had in my mind of a Cape Cod style house that sat surrounded by grass. I envisioned a short stone wall that went around the property, and an archway that led to steps going down to a small private beach with a boat and a lighthouse. I was going to paint two versions, one day and one night. I had nothing but time on my hands and painting was my escape from this reality, into another with peace and tranquility.
Chapter 31
I took my 15 pills every morning and every night my body shook for an hour straight. So far, that was the only side effect I had and after what chemo did to me, that was a piece of cake. I occupied the last couple of weeks by absorbing myself into my artwork and spending time with Mason and Landon. They quickly became my best friends in California. Even though I tried to keep myself busy, I thought about Connor every day and night. Peyton kept me updated and nothing had changed; he wasn’t doing anything to find me.
The loneliness I felt was beyond anything I ever experienced before. When we were apart in New York, I had the comfort of knowing he was in the same city and that we would eventually run into each other; but he’s not here in California and the loneliness factor is ten times worse. I checked my email every day hoping he would send me one, but he didn’t and I didn’t because it was obvious he was over me. I would pull his picture up online and put my wrist over my heart. Sometimes just seeing a picture of him eased the pain, but most of the time it made it worse.
In two days I get my first set of injections. I was nervous not knowing what effects it will have on me, so I decided to take the morning and run to the store. I needed to stock up on some things in case I couldn’t leave the apartment. I put on my khaki shorts, a black tank top and a pair of black strappy sandals I picked up on sale when I first moved here. I stopped by Mason and Landon’s apartment to ask if they needed me to pick up anything; they graciously said no but appreciated the thought. I walked down the street and around the corner to Trader Joes and picked up some things to stock my refrigerator. I took in the warmth of the California sun as I headed back to the apartment.
I reached down in my bag and pulled out the Twix bar I desperately craved. I looked up as I almost reached the building and came to a standstill when I saw him leaning against the side of a black convertible Porsche. He looked at me and smiled.
“You’re a hard woman to find Miss Lane.”
It felt like life was breathed into me again as my heart started racing. I let my bags fall to the ground and ran to him as fast as I could. He was no longer leaning against the car when I jumped up and wrapped my legs and arms around him. He caught me by wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight.
“Oh baby, I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered in my ear.
“I missed you and I’m sorry.”
“Shh…no apologies, the only thing that matters is that I found you and your safe.”
I lifted my head up, cupped his face in my hands and kissed him passionately. Our tongues met with excitement and exhilaration as our long-lost kiss left us breathless. Tears started running down my face as he put me down and softly wiped my cheeks with his thumb.
“Let me look at you?” he said as he spun me around. He grabbed me and held me tight. “You look just as beautiful as when you left.”
Mason and Landon emerged from their apartment clapping. I turned my head and smiled, “Guys this is…”
Mason held up his hand, “We already met this gorgeous man Elle.” I looked at them and then at Connor.
“What? How?”
“Your hot sexy boy toy came to the rental office and wanted to know if you were renting an apartment here and we said YES! We told him you ran to the store but you’d be right back.”
Connor kissed the top of my head, “You have some great friends here.”
I hugged him again as Mason and Landon walked over and picked up the bags I dropped on the cement. Connor put his arm around me as we walked up to the building.
“See, no private entrance,” I smiled.
“You’re learning,” he lightly laughed.
I took him up to my apartment. Mason and Landon stepped inside, put the bags on the counter and quickly left as Landon gave me a wink. Connor turned and ran his finger along my jaw line and over my lips.
“You have a lot of explaining to do, but first I’m going to make love to you.”
I gasped as my body quivered. He lightly brushed his lips against mine as his tongue trailed down my neck. “You taste so good, it’s been too long Ellery; I need you. I need to be inside you.”
His words sounded desperate as was my body begging him to take me. He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom, his lips never leaving mine. He set me down in front of the bed and lifted my shirt over my head, tossing it to the side. His hands ran up and down my sides and over my h*ps as he let out a light moan. He unhooked my bra as it fell to the floor. His hands were cupping my br**sts and fingering my n**ples as his tongue explored my navel. He found his way up to my br**sts, lightly biting my nipple while removing my shorts. My body was on fire and the ache I felt for him was an ache much stronger than before. He didn’t even need to touch me; my body was in a constant state of ache whenever he was near me.
I brought his face to mine and kissed him letting him know how much I needed and wanted him. He groaned as my hands took off his shirt and my nails lightly dug into his back. He broke from me as he kicked off his shoes and took down his pants. I stared at his masculine body as the fire in my body raged. He put his arms around me as he gently laid me on the bed hovering over me and staring into my eyes.
“You make me feel alive, like no one ever has.”
I ran my hands through his perfectly tousled hair and brought him in for a kiss. His hands traveled from my br**sts down to the edge of my panties. He pressed his erection into me as I arched my back begging for more. He slid his hand down to the front of my panties and moaned, “Ellery, you’re so wet.”
“This is what you do to me Connor, feel every bit of it.”
He slid his fingers inside me and gently worked them around as his thumb circled around me, arousing me more than I already was. The ache was getting unbearable.
“I want you to come now Ellery, while my fingers are inside of you, pleasuring you.” His words sent me into oblivion as I screamed out from the amazing orgasm this man gave me. “That’s my girl,” he smiled.
With him still hovering over me and his tongue circling my nipple, I reached down and grabbed his erection, gently stroking it and feeling the wetness as I lightly moved my thumb over the tip. He groaned, “Oh god Ellery.”
His lips moved to mine as I pushed him off me and got on top. He smiled and bit his bottom lip. I wanted to take control of him; I wanted to pleasure him as much as he did me. I straddled him as I took him inside me, gently moving up and down. His hands traveled over my br**sts as he took my n**ples between his fingers.
“You are so beautiful, especially when I see you like this,” he groaned.
I was swelling as I moved back and forth preparing for my next release. My hands were planted firmly on his chest as his were planted on my hips, moving me up and down.
“Look at me Ellery; I need to see you come.”
I looked directly in his eyes as our breathing was heavy and I moved up and down, back and forth, faster and faster. His moans grew louder as his eyes never left mine.
“Don’t come yet baby, I want us to come together,” he panted.
He flexed his h*ps under me so he was deeper inside, I didn’t think it was possible but he was. He moved up and down with me as our bodies became one.
“Scream for me baby, I want to hear what I do to you.”
That sent me over the top as I couldn’t hold back anymore and neither could he; one final thrust as we both came together never taking our eyes off one another.
I collapsed onto his chest and buried my head into his neck. I laid there as he rubbed his hands up and down my back and I lightly kissed his neck, taking in his incredible scent. Our heart rates slowed as did our breathing. He rolled me off of him and onto my side as he faced me, pushing my hair back behind my ear not saying a word. He didn’t need to say anything; I knew exactly what he was feeling just by his stare and his touch. I never wanted to leave this position; I wanted to stay like this forever.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said. I took his hand and brought it up to my mouth.
“I was thinking about how happy I am you found me.” He smiled in the way that made me ache for him.
“I told you I would find you, remember I’m a stalker.” I laughed and ran my fingers up and down his arm.
“You can stalk me any day Mr. Black.”
He sat up and pulled me closer so my head was resting on his chest.
“How did you find me?” I asked.
He kissed me on the top of my head, “I’ll tell you everything and you’ll tell me everything while we go grab something to eat, I’m starving.”
I lifted my head and frowned at him, “You mean we have to leave this bed?”
“Yes darling, but trust me, we’ll be back in it soon enough.”
I reached up and kissed him on the lips and we got out of bed. We redressed ourselves and headed to the main room of the apartment.
“This apartment is really nice, better than the one in New York.” I hit him on the arm as I walked past.
“Hey, I like my little box in New York.”
He smiled and walked to the kitchen. He stopped as he stared at the 15 bottles of pills all lined up in a row on the counter. He picked up one of the bottles and starting reading the label.