“Work,” I said aloud, startling myself as well as Mace. “I should be back at work.” I was sure I was leaving Scarlett high and dry by taking so much time off. First with looking after Dylan and since in my pain-laced stupor.
“Nope. You’ll go back when Scar says you’re ready, and not a minute sooner.” I attempted a half-assed glare in Mace’s direction, which he shot down with a shake of his head. “The rent on your apartment has been paid up a couple more weeks anyway… and Haven, there’s something you should know.”
“What?” Was I being evicted? Had I forgot some bills? I wasn’t sure I could handle anything else.
“Dylan made some arrangements before…well, before he went.” His voice was slightly distorted as I tried my hardest not to focus on the blinding pain that seared though my chest when Dylan’s name was said aloud. “He left you some things.” Mace cleared his throat and reached over to the bedside drawer.
“I know. He didn’t have any family left.” I looked around the bedroom at Dylan’s meagre belongings. His clothes hung in one side of the open closet. A small chest rested in the corner containing the last of his own memories of his life, photos, mementos, paperwork and documents. “That teddy bear is my favorite thing I think. He won it for me when the fair came to town. “
“I don’t mean that stuff, midget.” Mace sat up a bit straighter and clutched a manila envelope in his hand. “A lawyer stopped by yesterday. Dropped off some paperwork for you.”
I was completely confused by that point. Dylan had never mentioned anything to me. We hadn’t even talked about what he wanted me to do with his truck.
“What do you mean?” I wrung my hands in my lap, an uneasy feeling blanketing me.
“Here. This is for you. I’ll give you some space to read through it. We’ll all be out here if you need us.” Mace handed the manila folder to me and dropped a kiss on the top of my head. Pushing off the bed, he slipped out the bedroom door.
I must have sat there for a solid ten minutes holding that folder in my hand. Staring at it while it all but burned a hole in my hand. I wasn’t sure I could open it. Everything that was left of Dylan was contained in this one thin piece of cardboard. Everything except my memories.
Dear Haven,
I should start this off with the usual ‘If you’re reading this …’ But that would be obvious.
I have asked my lawyer to deliver a few papers for you, including this letter after my time is up. While we had a little time, it still didn’t feel like enough to tell you all the things I need you to know.
Haven, you came into my life in my darkest hour. In the days before I met you, I was setting myself up to leave this world. My tire blew on my trip to nowhere and you, beautiful girl, were like a shining beacon calling to me on every level. You saved me. Had I never met you, my journey would've ended long ago without ever knowing the true meaning of love. You gave me hope in an otherwise scary and desolate time. I never thought for a second I’d fall in love with anyone in my much too short lifetime.
Even as I write this letter, it doesn't feel like enough. You, Haven, are my Angel. You were exactly what I needed and never knew I wanted.
I consider myself the luckiest man in the world to have known your love.
Can you still see the page? I know, by now, enough time has passed for you to hopefully be healing. I want you to know, I love you. I love your strength, your zest for life, your spunky little attitude. I could go on and on about even the little things…
The way your hair smells like raspberries and vanilla. I loved burying my nose in the side of your neck, just below your ear. It was always the strongest there; as if your conditioner wasn't always rinsed away. I loved the feel of your butter-soft skin, which always looked sun kissed. It made me want to kiss you all over. I was jealous of what the sun was able to touch, and I couldn't get enough of.
To look at you. Damn, looking into your eyes when they first opened in the morning was like stargazing. I wanted to count the sparkles, my sparkles. The ones I knew were just for me.
And your laugh, that tinkling sound that would start and drop into a full-out belly laugh over some of the most ridiculous things. You thought I was funny. I can't tell you, sugar, how much that meant to me. We both know I'm not funny, but with you, I felt like it was me bringing all of those beautiful smiles to your lips.
And lastly, your kisses. I could spend hours kissing you, tasting you, loving you. How do you think I came to call you sugar? I couldn't think of any other name that would fit just how delicious you tasted to me. You are my sweetness in a bitter world. You are the sweet nectar that bees would be envious of. I couldn't get enough. And no matter how many days, weeks, months, years, have gone by, don't ever doubt my love for you.
I went home knowing I had the love of my life by my side, my sugar. It was the best way to go, and I have loved every minute of every day with you. So, thank you for being mine. Thank you for showing me what true love is, and thank you for being brave enough to love me when you knew it wasn't forever.
I'll never forget the way you made me feel and I'll be waiting for you when the day comes for us to be together again.
In the meantime…live.
Live for me, live for us, but most of all, live for love.
You'll find it again, and when you do, never let go. You get another chance, sugar.
Love enough for the both of us.
With all my heart, forever.