Once in the back room, which also doubled as Jimmy’s office, I slumped down on the leather sofa and took a long swig of the magic amber liquid in my hand.
“What the hell you doing, Jude?” Trip slammed the door behind him and strolled over to me. “You trying to screw Jimmy over by fighting in his bar now?”
“Fuck off.” Was all I had for Trip for the moment. I knew just as well as the next person that I’d royally screwed up and lost Haven, but still, I was human and he looked like a good person to blame.
“Get your head outta your ass, brother, and start with explaining why I’m here instead of at home loving on my wife?” Trip probably couldn’t have said anything more to annoy me. He had a wife. He had a family, had somebody who loved him. I dropped the bottle from my hand and stood up, charging at him with all I had left. My limbs sluggish and uncooperative.
“Hey!” he cried out when I collided with him. Knocking us both to the ground, the wrestling match ensued. I could take Trip out on my worst day, but today wasn’t just my worst day. It was beyond that. A few minutes of rolling around on the ground, me trying to get at him and him trying to push me away, I was unceremoniously grabbed by the back of the shirt and thrown at the wall.
“No!” Mace roared. I had been so hell bent on hurting somebody, I hadn’t even heard him come in. I dropped my head back to the wall behind me, breathing heavily. I could feel my nostrils flaring and figured I looked something akin to a busted-up bull, by swinging my dick around hoping to slap somebody in the face with it. Short of screaming, ‘I am man hear me roar,’ I was playing the perfect part of a dumbass caveman. And I didn’t particularly give a flying rat’s ass either.
“Fuck this shit. I’m outta here,” I sneered with distaste. Mace and Trip were the last two people I wanted to see. I pushed off the wall and made for the door. Whisky bottle and jacket forgotten about.
“You ain’t going anywhere. Sit your drunk ass down.” Mace left no room for discussion and moved to block the doorway with his larger-than-mine frame. I realized I had no energy left and I started to deflate.
“I don’t got shit to say to either of you two bastards,” I shot out, walking over to the small single sink that butted up against the back wall. As quickly as I could, I rinsed off my bloody knuckles and grabbed a handful of paper towels to dry them.
“Jude.” Mace’s voice had lost its fierce unmovable anger and held a gentler tone. “This isn’t you. What the hell, brother?”
“What the fuck do you care? You’ve been acting like I’m dead for the last three fucking months,” I jeered at him. “You don’t give a fuck. You’re busy being fucking happy. Both of you. Telling everyone they can’t have what you have. Telling me I’m not worth shit. Well guess what, asshole, I’m not. That what you wanted to hear?” I took a deep breath and flicked my busted hand, trying aimlessly to stop the throb. “Now get out of my way and let me stay out of yours.”
Hostile wasn’t the word for how I was feeling. Small, defeated, worthless and more than sorry for myself was more accurate. Simply put, I felt alone.
“Hear me out. You don’t like what I have to say, then you can go.” Jude crossed his arms over his chest and looked directly at me. His eyes bore into mine, waiting for me to argue.
“May as well. Won’t be anything I haven’t already heard,” I hissed.
“I’m sorry.” He implored with a strong steady voice. “I’m sorry, Jude. I had no right to be angry with you. I see now you loved her.” He took a stuttered breath and cleared his throat. “I was more hurt that you kept it from me. She’s my baby sister. It’s kind of like your kid dating. I overreacted, and by the time I realized, it was already too late. Or so I thought.” He dropped his hands by his side and continued, “You’re my family. She’s my family. I love you both and I won’t stand in the way of that now. I was wrong.”
“Fuck me.” I dragged my hands down my face and held back the emotion that was bubbling to the surface. Trip stood off to the side leaning against the desk, a look of confusion on his face.
“I’ll leave you two—” Trip’s words were cut short by my own.
“Too little too fucking late. She’s done with me. I didn’t fight when I had the chance and she’s done. She’s in love with that cocky motherfucking cowboy.” I dropped my head down and stared at the blood drops on my boots.
“Don’t assume, Jude,” Mace argued back.
“I’m not assuming. I went to see her. I told her I won’t stop loving her and she shut me down. She may as well have slapped me in the face with his dick.” I raised my head, conveying what I couldn’t put into words.
“That only leaves one thing to do then.” Mace frowned. The room stayed silent for a moment while he walked to the rows of storage shelves and picked up two bottles of whisky.
“We get fucking wasted and try to forget.” Throwing a few notes on Jimmy’s desk, he walked out the office door and into the pub. Trip and I following behind as he bee lined for the parking lot.
Haven
“Morning sugar.” Dylan’s rasping morning voice had my lips turning up at the ends. I buried my face deeper into the pillow and moaned at the feeling of his hands running slowly up and down the backs of my legs.
“Waking up with you is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to do.” He nestled his nose into the side of my neck and ran his hand higher onto my bottom.