"Please don't give up fighting." My voice dropped even lower as the bite of my emotions bubbled back to the surface. “Please don’t leave me.”
I knew I needed to sleep, but when my mind raced like that, it took everything in me to stay in bed. My skin crawled with phantom withdrawals and my mouth would dry up like I’d swallowed cotton. It was going to be a long night. I just hoped I was strong enough to endure it ‘til sunrise.
Jude
I tossed in my bed, the sheets soaked with sweat from a nightmare that lingered in my mind for the past few hours. Something was wrong. I felt it in my bones.
Haven.
I couldn't find a way to expel her from my thoughts; the alcohol was no longer a sufficient deterrent. There wasn’t anything that could fill the empty void left inside of me.
"Shit." I scrubbed my hand over my face. Two-day old stubble coated my chin. I threw my feet over the edge of the bed and pulled myself up, shuffling across the soft carpet to the bathroom. I hoped a cool shower would settle my restlessness.
I was in rough shape, and I knew I had no one to blame but myself. I let her walk away. Fuck, I damn well pushed her. I didn’t fight when it was time to fight, and that made me nothing but a coward.
I walked out of her life, and I was a dick about it.
But I still couldn't shake the feeling that she needed me. No matter where she was or who she was with, she was mine. And if given a chance again, I’d be everything she needed and more.
The connection we shared wasn't something that just happened. She'd be dead if it weren't for me. Ironically that was exactly how I felt—I felt completely dead without her.
I opened the glass shower door and leaned in, turning the faucet on to cold. Stripping off my boxer briefs, I tossed them in the laundry basket and slipped in under the stream of water, praying for some relief. My body shivered from the lack of warmth in the shower, but it matched my heart. I felt cold, dead. I needed to change that. No matter what had happened, I couldn’t give up on the one girl I’d ever truly loved.
Determined in my mind, I made the decision to seek her out first thing in the morning. I’d find her and tell her I was sorry. Tell her I was stupid. I’d tell her I loved her and needed her, wanted her. I’d ask her to leave that dickhead and come home to me.
I just had to hope I wasn’t too late.
Haven
The sun streamed through the blinds of Dylan's bedroom window, but my eyes hurt too much to open them. Groaning, I rolled over. I could feel his eyes on me before he made any noise. I refused to open my swollen lids, instead puckering my lips in his direction.
He responded with a gentle brush across my mouth, which I kept closed tight. When I felt him lean back, I whispered, "You know, some people might find it creepy when they wake up to someone staring at them."
Dylan's chuckle was low and rough, as if he himself hadn't been up long. "Oh, sugar, I'm glad to see you haven't lost your sparkle after the sun comes up."
He rolled on top of me; his hands rested on either side of my face. "Open your beautiful eyes, Haven. I want to know you are still here with me." The heat of his body pressed against mine was comforting. I wanted to stay in his arms just like that, all day.
I fluttered my eyelids, the light adjusting to the filtered sunlight streaming into the room. I was met with a dazzling smile and a warm gaze of a man who had just shared with me the night before that he was dying.
I still couldn't wrap my head around what I had learned, but I needed to explain a few things to Dylan. After all, he shared a huge secret with me; it was only fair.
I nestled myself against his shoulder. He smelled of cinnamon and clove, and something uniquely Dylan, "You smell yummy." My voice was muffled, but I wanted to be closer. I craved the contact and I didn't want to relinquish that just yet. "Can we stay like this all day?" I mumbled. "I want to share my story with you, but I'm afraid." I couldn't help the smallness of my voice. I was scared. Scared I would bare my soul and Dylan would reject me. I hadn’t had to spill all my secrets to Jude. He’d found me drugged out and messed up in the back room of a, run-down, abandoned house.
"Sugar, whatever you have to tell me isn't going to change my feelings." He ran his nose against my cheek. "I wasn't lyin' when I said I was falling in love with you." He pulled back to look at me, the sun creating a glare and shadow across his features. I couldn't help the sigh which escaped my lips. It hurt to look at him; he was beautiful.
"Promise me you'll hear me out. I need to know you won't judge me." I searched his face for any hesitation at my soon-to-be confession, but all I saw was an open acceptance of whatever I was about to throw at him.
"You have my word, sugar."
It was about then my bladder protested the current position we lay in. I pushed against Dylan's chest. "Okay, cowboy. Let me up. Nature calls."
He smiled and rolled over, pulling the sheet with him. "I'll make us something to eat. Meet me in the kitchen?" I watched him sit up, stretch his arms over his head, my mind running rampant with all the other things I'd rather be doing other than talk to Dylan.
"Mmmhmm." Was all I could muster, too enthralled with the sight of his flawless body.
He turned back toward me. "Caught ya lookin’." He grinned. "You know with a look like that, you make me want to stay right here."
I kicked my feet in his direction. "Go on, cowboy. I really should freshen up a bit." I started to push up from the opposite side of the bed. "I'll see you in a minute." I paused a moment and hesitated before I left the room, Dylan coming to stand in front of me, between the bed and the door. "I need to get some things off my chest. I just hope—"