My head started to spin, a sense of déjà vu washed over me and I had to grab the doorknob in order to keep upright.
"Haven, goddamn it, open the door! It's not what you think!" Dylan hadn't stopped banging on the other side of the barrier that kept his dirty little secret away from me. He had to know it looked exactly how I thought.
Dylan was a drug addict.
He was a junkie?
“Oh, fuck no!” I gasped.
And we just had sex…unprotected sex.
“Holy shit!”
Jude
Even after cleaning the boys up and unpacking the truck, I couldn’t stop thinking. Thinking about the last few months of my life put me in a fouler mood than I’d been in after my altercation with that jackass boyfriend of hers. I was literally festering from the inside out. I wandered around the house before going upstairs to wash the days grime from myself.
Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist and placed my hands on the vanity, bowing my head. “Damn it,” I cursed aloud, my voice lost in the steam that engulfed the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, wiping the fog away with my hand. My eyes were shallow, with circles sitting under my eyes, and my lips were drawn. Losing Haven had taken its toll on me. The man staring back at me was evidence of that. I hardly recognized myself, just a shell of the man I thought I had been. All this time, I’d done what I could to protect the one and only woman I'd ever loved, yet she was in the arms of another man…and it was all my fault.
I turned away, not able to look at the pussy staring back at me. "Fuck me." I turned off the light and made my way through to my darkened bedroom. The blinking of my phone on the nightstand briefly lit up the room. I almost didn't want to even look. It had been a shit-ass day and I couldn't take any more of…anything. I was done with the day. I sat on edge of the bed, and my towel loosened and dropped. Putting my head in my hands, I let out a huff.
"Get your shit together, Jude," I mumbled to myself.
Fight for her.
Scarlett's words echoed in my mind.
Fight for her.
I pushed off the bed and started to pace. The towel left discarded on the bed, my dick swaying as my hands combed through my hair. My thoughts were all over the place. Torn between Scarlett's words and Mace's warnings. I grabbed my phone and swiped my thumb across it unlocking the screen. Even the innocent blinking light pissed me off enough to want to throw the stupid thing.
Scar: Remember what I said, Jude. You are part of this family, and if you love her, you know what you need to do. Don't let anyone keep you from happiness.
I read Scarlett's words over and over, staring dumbly at the text message in front of me. Damn, she was a smart woman. But I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I was already too late. Haven chose him over me. The look on her face had said everything she couldn't.
I hung my head in shame. I had hurt her all over again. As a result, she was with that schmuck and I was acting like a pussy-ass motherfucker who just had his favorite toy stolen. I tossed my phone back onto the nightstand, grabbed a pair of boxers and set out to check on the boys.
I seriously needed a distraction.
I peeked into Jaxson and Jordan’s rooms. Both were snoring loudly, their hair matted to their sweaty bed-heads, each mirroring the other. They were laying on their bellies one leg poking out of the side of their blankets, just the way I slept, too.
I couldn't help but smile. Damn, I loved them.
I closed the door most of the way, leaving it cracked so the hall light shone into their cavernous space. Making my way down the stairs, I headed directly to the kitchen, and straight to the cabinet. I needed a drink. I reached for the bottle of whisky and unscrewed the cap, taking a swallow directly from the bottle.
"Shit." I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and slammed the bottle onto the counter.
The amber liquid burned like fire down my throat and into my belly, soothing the pain which lay there. I leaned back against the counter letting my head fall back, and hit the kitchen cabinet behind me, still wallowing in my thoughts of the day. My eyes flicked over to the bottle and back again. I picked up the liquor and chugged another bit down. "Ugh." Still hot, but getting better. Each swallow was less intense than the last. My body started to loosen, the numbness from the alcohol clouding my conflicting thoughts of Haven, Mace…and that fucking douchebag.
Fight for her.
"Goddammit!"
Making light work of the whisky, I emptied the bottle and threw it as hard as I could across the kitchen. It shattered against the wall with a loud crash. My mind completely oblivious to the fact I could've woken the kids upstairs. I wasn’t thinking straight, and the alcohol was no consolation prize to what I’d truly lost.
Heat consumed me, a rage inside me I couldn't contain. I wanted nothing more than to fight for Haven. She was the reason I did anything; she was everything.
She was mine. And I lost her.
I left the mess in the kitchen and stomped back up to my room. I knew I’d have a hell of a hangover and a shit-ton of glass to clean, but at that moment, I couldn’t care less. My mind was in a whisky-induced haze of jealousy, anger, and hurt. I had to let go.
Back in my bedroom, I walked to the nightstand and snatched up my cell phone. I typed out a quick message to Scarlett:
Jude: Let it be, Scar. She wants him. She can have him. I gave Mace my word and now I’m done. Let her be happy if that’s what she is.
I threw the phone onto the bed, dropped face down onto the pillow, and passed straight the fuck out.