“Is there a problem with that?”
She took a deep breath and let it go, her eyes hardening. Apparently, there was a problem with that.
“I’ll only be working for you for two more weeks. I want something real between us—not this sneaking around.”
I grinned. “I thought you liked sneaking around.” I punctuated that statement with another heated kiss, my tongue sweeping into her hot, delicious mouth. Then I reached around and grabbed her ass, pulling her flush against me.
She put her hands on my chest. “Jordan,” she said against my lips.
“Mmm…I missed you.”
She tilted her head away, looking up at me, perplexed. “You did?”
I frowned. “Why does that surprise you?”
She shook her head. “Because you’re confusing me. I don’t know what this is. Is this just about sex or is it more?”
I clenched my jaw and looked away. “It can’t be more than this. You know why. I’ve already told you.”
“You aren’t willing to take a chance on me—on us.”
“So I’m supposed to tell your Dad that we aren’t really dating, we’re just hooking up? Because I don’t do relationships—not real, serious relationships. So I’ll tell him I’m just fucking his daughter. How well will that go over?”
She swallowed. “Jordan…”
“What? Can it be more than that? No, no it can’t.”
Her lip trembled. “Well, it’s more for me, because…because I’m in love with you.”
At first I wasn’t quite sure I’d heard her right. Then, as understanding dawned, my first reaction was to deny, deny, deny. This wasn’t what she thought it was. It couldn’t be that. I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt tight and there wasn’t enough air in this little dressing room. She watched my reaction closely.
The last time a woman had said those words to me, I’d asked her to marry me and then she’d fucked some other guy. I couldn’t go there again. I wouldn’t go there again. Not now, maybe not ever.
I closed my eyes, scrubbing a hand over my face.
Chapter 25
April
I watched Jordan blanch as he reacted to my declaration of love. He actually looked like he might pass out. Not the response I’d always imagined when telling a guy I loved him. And I didn’t say the words lightly. In fact, I’d never said those words to any other man—not even Gunnar. But I’d never felt like this for any other man. I could admit all that to him now, but I knew he didn’t want to hear it. His features were shuttering, like a house boarding up in preparation for a hurricane.
“I’m not expecting anything more from you than to just give this a chance,” I said into the silence, hating how my voice trembled.
He looked away. “What does that mean exactly?”
Well, this was hopeful. At least he wanted to hear me out. “That…that we date like normal people when I leave Draco.”
“I don’t know how to date like normal people. Last time I did that, I got my nuts squashed. Not willing to go there again.”
“Not now or…”
He shrugged. “Maybe not ever.”
I blinked. “So this was all about sneaking around, the thrill of it? After I walk out of here, we’re done for good?”
He didn’t look happy with that possibility either. I felt nauseous, my stomach tight and knotted. I’d just put all that out there. I’d pulled my heart out of my chest and put it in his hands. Whether he twisted and crushed it or cradled and treasured it was entirely out of my control.
“Jordan…” I scooted up to him, put my palms on his cheeks, splayed out my fingers and gently guided his head so that he would look at me. My eyes met his, and I peered into those murky depths—today, the color of silt and seawater. “Let me tell you something. There’s a big difference between the person you see when you look in the mirror and the one I see when I look at you. The one you see was betrayed by a childhood lover, rejected by a father who was angry at you because you didn’t live up to his dream. But the man I see? He’s strong and sensitive. Protective, brilliant, caring. You put yourself out there for me—with the video, when Gunnar was pulling his shit, when Cari was threatening me. You didn’t have to do those things, but you did. And I’ll be forever grateful. But it’s not why I love you. I love you because of who you are when I look at you. Not what I want you to be.”
Something in his eyes changed. They were hard. And I still couldn’t read him or his face, but his hands slid around my waist to pull me against him into a tight hug.