Tears streamed down my face, and I wasn’t even self-conscious that he could see them. In fact, he stood next to me and, with his big fingers, reached up to sweep them away.
“I didn’t mean to make you sad,” he said quietly.
I shook my head and sniffed, not even sure what I was. Was this happy? Was this sad? Was this so incredibly moved?
“It’s beautiful, Wil. You didn’t make me sad. But I’ve gotta warn you that I’m going to hug you so hard right now—if that’s okay.”
“That’s okay,” he said and opened his arms.
I grabbed him around the waist and held on tight. This meant that he’d been thinking about me during the week that we’d been away from each other.
We continued holding each other for a long time, and then I turned to look at the painting again. Crawling onto the bed, I spread it as flat as I could—the corners kept curling up—and took in every detail. “You’re amazing, Wil.”
He sank down on the bed beside me. “So are you.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not…”
“You are. You’ve been through so much hardship, and yet you’re still a positive person. You help others. You’re strong and brave, and you care about other people. You’ve cared about me, Jenna. You’re like a ray of sunlight light cutting into darkness.”
I turned and lay my head against his shoulder, and he reached up to cup it in his large hand. We lay like that in silence for a while. And then, as my lids grew heavy, with sleep-slurred speech I asked him if I could spend the night here.
William sat up and I helped him pull the bedspread down. Then I kicked off my shoes while he extinguished the lamp. We crawled onto the fluffy bedroll, where I promptly curled in beside him as he held me in his strong arms. And I slept so peacefully—more so than I had in a long time.
The next morning I woke in William’s bed. He was sleeping on his side, facing away from me, but he’d taken off his shirt sometime during the night. I studied the muscles of his back, the way his rib cage slowly expanded and contracted. I wanted to lean over and kiss him, to run my hand down his solid back.
But I restrained myself—barely. I didn’t want to start something I knew that he would stop. The fundamental disagreement between us had not been resolved.
I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat. Would it ever?
With stealthy movements, I crept out of bed and slipped on my shoes. I needed to go to the tent I shared with my friends so I could change for the big day.
It was the first day of May—May Day, or within our reenactment group, the first day of the Beltane Festival. In ancient times, this day marked the beginning of the summer season and honored fertility. There would be feasting, folk dancing and a celebration around the Maypole. After dark, the Beltane Ball would be held around a raging bonfire.
I couldn’t wait.
When I got to my tent, a few of my friends gave me curious glances. Caitlyn, of course, asked me where I’d been all night.
“I, uh, well it’s not as exciting as you think. I was with William—”
Her brows shot up, and once again I got that weird feeling from her—something like vague jealousy. “Then it is as exciting as I think. Sir Hottie MacFine likes women after all.”
I had no desire whatsoever to rub salt into her wounds. Caitlyn was a good friend and I didn’t want to hurt her, so I chose my words carefully. “He does…and it would have been exciting if our clothes had come off, but they didn’t.”
Her mouth twisted. “Well, that sucks.” But I could tell she wasn’t all that disappointed by the news.
I turned away to put my bag on my cot, distracted by the box sitting there. “Who left their stuff on my cot?”
“That’s for you, apparently. Johnny came by doing deliveries for Mistress Agnes last night. Said that one was for you.”
“The dressmaker? I didn’t order anything from her.”
“Yeah, we thought you’d won the lotto or something,” said Ann with a wide grin. “Or robbed a bank.”
“That’s what it would take for me to afford her gorgeous dresses…” My eyes skimmed the box. It must have been a mistake.
“Open it up and see what it is,” Ann said.
But I already had the top off the box, and what I saw literally took my breath away. I pulled the pile of gorgeous blue cloth from the white tissue and held it up. Starting with the palest blue—almost white at the shoulders—there was a gradual ombre from sky blue to cerulean and every shade of blue in between, until it became a deep, dark midnight blue at the hem. The dress was decorated with gold embroidery at the neckline that extended down the long, flowing sleeves. The garment looked like it had been woven from the sky, the clearest blue lake and a midnight starfield.
“Holy shit,” Caitlyn uttered in a harsh whisper. “That is gorgeous.”
“I know,” I said in a trembling voice. My eyes flew up to the pale blue at the shoulders—pale, pale blue. Like the Turkish pools. Some long name that I couldn’t remember, even though I’d searched for Google images the night he’d told me about them. This dress could not have come from anyone other than William.
And not only was it beautiful, but it was such a thoughtful thing to do. I sank down on the cot next to me and passed my hand over the exquisite material. It was too much. I shouldn’t accept this.
“I think I can guess who had this sent to you,” Caitlyn said in a low voice.
I looked up, biting my lip. She was smiling. A very small smile.
Ann sat on the cot beside Caitlyn and put an arm around her shoulder.
I took a breath and released it. “Caitlyn, I’m—”
She held her hand up. “Don’t say you’re sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. But please, for the love of God, don’t break his heart. William is hard enough to reach, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that he’s got it bad for you. I think I’ve mostly just been in denial. Honestly, Jenna, you’re the sweetest person ever. You deserve him.”
Don’t break his heart.
Yet as I looked at her and then down at the dress, I felt that strange knot of emotion twisting in my chest. I had to wonder—whose heart was breaking, exactly?
My chest physically hurt. Like someone had sunk a grappling hook deep inside and was tugging it in the direction of William. And the harder they pulled, the deeper it went.