I held her that way until people started to come into the room. When it was time for me to leave, I kissed her cheek with a promise in my eyes that I’d see her again very soon. If she needed me, she knew how to reach me and she knew she could no matter what.
Reynolds was buried first. Mom and I stood next to his grave as he was lowed into the ground. I felt like I was suffocating, both because of the fact that my boys were gone and the stupid fucking tie I had to wear. I could practically hear Reynolds laughing at me. No doubt about it, if he were still there, he would have gotten a kick out of me wearing a suit.
I helped his mom make it to her car. She wasn’t even walking on her own. Reynolds’s cousin, Mike, and me were practically carrying her. She was on so many drugs to cope that she was talking out of her head and calling Mike Reynolds. It was so fucking sad to watch.
That night, Faith called to check on me. It pissed me off that she had to hide being on the phone and I only got to talk to her for three minutes. I missed her and I needed her—she needed me.
Kevin and Amanda were buried on the same day. By the time they lowered Kevin in the ground, I felt numb. His little sister, Erica, cried on my shoulder as I held her. She was only five; she shouldn’t know what it felt like to lose someone. Kids shouldn’t hurt, but I’d seen enough in my life being tossed from one home to next, and the one thing I knew was that kids were always getting hurt—and somehow they survived.
Before leaving the graveyard, his mom made me promise to stay in touch. As if I wouldn’t have. Mom and I drove in silence back to the house. By the time we got home, it started to rain. She ran inside and I went into the garage for the first time since the night of the accident.
I stood there with my hands on my hips—my tie loosened around my neck—and took in the space. Reynolds’s drums were still strewn around the room from our fight. I sat on his stool and started to put them back together again. Our last moment together beat into my head over and over again. What a fucked-up way to spend your last moments with one of your best friends.
I picked up his sticks and set them on top of the snare. Reaching up, I wiped away a tear that had slipped down my cheek.
“Are you okay?” Faith asked from the garage door.
I hadn’t known she was standing there. She looked so beautiful. Her hair was pinned back and tiny strands had escaped and were dangling around her face. The long black dress she wore touched the ground and black lacey flowers were stitched around the neck.
Her eyes were red and puffy. Her nose looked raw like she’d just gotten over a bad cold. Seeing her instantly made me feel better. I held my arms out to her and she came to me and sat on my lap. I held her as she cried on my shoulder.
When she stopped, she looked up at me and softly kissed me on the lips.
“I missed you,” she said.
I twirled a piece of her hair around my finger.
“God, I missed you, too.” I buried my face in her hair and breathed her in. It had only been a few days, but it felt like forever since the last time we’d seen each other.
“Are you okay?” I asked as I used my thumb to brush away a tear from her cheek.
“I’ll be okay. You?”
“I’ll make it. As long as I have you, I’ll make it.”
I kissed her again. Her kisses were so sweet and undemanding. I could almost forget what it had been like to kiss anyone else.
“How did you get here? Where’s your dad?”
She peeked up at me. She looked so guilty that I was almost afraid of her answer.
“I took my dad’s car. He’s at the church with Amanda’s family. I had to get out of there.”
I cupped her cheek and smiled. “You shouldn’t have done that. I don’t want you to get in trouble, baby.”
“I needed to see you.”
There was no way she could comprehend what her words did for me. I needed her just as badly, and I was thrilled that she was with me, but still worried at the same time. Thinking of consequences was new for me, but when it came to Faith, it’s all I could think about.
Before she left, I introduced her to my mom. Watching the two women that I loved as they hugged each other and talked like they’d known each other forever did my heart good.
And just like that, it hit me. I loved Faith. I was crazy in love with her. I couldn’t tell her that yet since I didn’t want to freak her out, but I felt it. I’m sure she knew. She had to know.
“Faith, I’m so glad I got to meet you,” Mom said as she patted her hand. “Finn hasn’t been the same since he met you—in a good way, of course.”