“Okay, so you guys are, like, a thing?” she asked.
“I don’t know what we are,” I said as I covered my face with my hands and growled in aggravation.
The truth was I missed him and I wanted to see him. I wanted to know what was going on between us, if there was anything there to fight for. If not, then I was going to drown myself in schoolwork and church the way I always had and move on.
“I’m going with Kevin to Finn’s house tonight for practice. You should come and talk to him.” She shrugged.
And just like that, I made plans to sneak out with Amanda once again. It wasn’t a smart move, I understood that, but it was necessary as far as I was concerned. I wasn’t looking forward to going to the scary side of town, but I could be brave for Finn.
I went straight to my room when I got home and did my homework. At dinner, I was silent as I ate. I felt awful knowing I was being deceitful, but it felt worse not knowing what was going on with Finn and me.
I sat quietly in my room and read until I was sure my parents were asleep. Once I could hear my dad’s loud snoring sounding from down the hallway, I pulled out an outfit that I borrowed from Amanda and slipped it on. I thought it was sweet of her to run home during school and pick through her clothes for me. If I was going to go back to Finn’s garage, I didn’t want to stick out too much.
The dark jeans were tight and hugged my hips like a second skin and the black shirt barely covered my stomach. Every time I lifted my arms, I felt a breeze on the skin just above the waist of my jeans. Even though the clothes were tighter than I was used to, I felt more comfortable in them.
I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and tucked my cross beneath the collar of my shirt. When I finally took a second to look in the mirror, I was amazed at how different I looked. I felt good—comfortable in my skin and ready to take on the wrong side of town. It was amazing the confidence a pair of jeans could bring.
When Amanda tapped on my window, I slid out with little problem. Turns out it’s much easier to move around in a pair of jeans than it is a long skirt. I padded across the damp yard to Kevin’s car and was once again met with Tiny sitting in the back seat.
I didn’t even look back to check to see if my parents had woken up as we pulled away from the curb. The nerves that I felt last time I snuck out were nowhere to be seen. The only thing I felt was happiness as we made our way through town and closer to Finn.
Twelve
Finn
I sold the last of my stash, fixed my car, and bought a new tire. It felt damn good to have the Mustang back on the road. I was determined to get my life in order and be good for Faith. I didn’t want to sneak around with her. I wanted her dad to be okay with me dating her, and if I wanted that, I had to go straight.
I spent the day after getting my car fixed going around and putting in applications everywhere I could. My drug-selling days were over and I wanted to earn honest money. Mom, who never even knew I was dealing, agreed that it was time I stepped up and got a job. She needed my help, but she also understood that I had to make my own way—be a man and all that.
I missed Faith like crazy, but I wasn’t going to approach her dad with anything until I could show him that I’d changed and was doing better for myself. My plan was to go to church the following Sunday to speak with him. He needed to know that I was in love with his daughter and I meant her well.
By Wednesday, I didn’t think I could take it anymore. All I could think about was sneaking in her window and spending the night with her again. At the very least, I wished I could hear her voice over the phone. Instead of giving in, I wrote songs for the band. Who gave a shit if they were ballads? It felt good to get my feelings out on paper.
Once Reynolds showed up at my house for practice Thursday night, I was hungry for just a glimpse of Faith. I’d never known what it felt like to miss someone so much. He beat on his drums and bullshitted while we waited for Kevin and Tiny. I turned him down when he offered to do a line with me and I was proud of myself.
I watched from my couch as he lined it up on my coffee table and then sucked it up through a dollar bill. He captured the rest of it from the table top with his finger and rubbed it on his gums with a big goofy smile.
“You need to lay off that shit, man,” I said as I took a swig from my beer.
“Oh come on, Finn, not you, too. I got this, dude. No worries.” He ran the back of his hand across his nose.
Overdosing was a real thing where I came from. I’d only ever seen it happen once, but I knew people over the years that had taken their drug habits too far. I was well on my way out of that shit. The people around me could do what they wanted, but I was done.