That was why I should have been around for the rehearsal last night. I would have known Josie would be directly across from me and I could have worn a bullet-proof vest under my jacket. I had planned to talk to Josie at some point that night, but it wouldn’t happen before the ceremony since it was minutes away from starting. I was practically squirming as I pictured the glare she’d have aimed at me the entire time. “Well, f**k me. And here I thought the most uncomfortable part of this thing would be the tie.” I grabbed at it again, pulling it back so I could take a full breath.
“Sorry, pal.”
“Sure, you’re not.”
A knock sounded on the other side of the door before Mrs. Walker peeked her head in. “It’s time, Jess. You boys ready?”
Jesse popped out of the chair and ran his hands down his jacket. They were having a straight-up cowboy wedding—from the jeans, to the boots, to the black felt hats.
“I’m ready,” I said to Mrs. Walker and hitched my thumb at Jesse. “He’s excited.”
Mrs. Walker laughed. “What can I say? I raised a deranged son.” Jesse swirled his finger beside his head.
“Nah, Mrs. Walker. You raised one hell of a man.” I don’t know who looked at me with more surprise.
After giving Jesse a solid hug, Mrs. Walker gave me just as solid of one. “You didn’t turn out so bad yourself, Mr. Black.” Patting my cheek, she slipped back out the door, leaving it cracked for us. I heard the guitars in the background playing some Johnny Cash song . . . of course.
“Okay, this is it. How do I look?” Jesse held his hands out.
“Ugly.”
“Thanks for the confidence booster”—Jesse slugged my arm and headed for the door—“best man.”
“Nice jeans, by the way. Good of you to get dressed up for your own wedding. Pathetic.”
Jesse shrugged, my sarcasm bouncing right off of him. “What can I say? Rowen kind of has a thing for my jeans.”
“No, Rowen kind of has a thing for your ass.”
He paused at the door and gave an exaggerated wink. “I can’t blame her. I do have a fantastic ass.”
“Sounds like someone’s boosted their own confidence,” I muttered as Jesse slipped out the door. “Hey, Jess, hold up just a quick sec.”
Bad timing was my M.O., but I had to get it off of my chest. I’d taken my sweet time saying it, but there I was in some big hurry to get it out right as he was about to say “I do.”
“What’s up?”
I sucked in a heavy breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for that night with Josie. You trusted me to take care of someone you loved, and I betrayed you both. And I’m sorry.” I couldn’t seem to say it enough. “So f**king sorry.” One more time, I guess. “I just wanted you to know. I wanted you to know I didn’t plan for that to happen, or even want it to, but I didn’t do anything to stop it either.” I told Josie I’d never apologized to her for that night because I wasn’t sorry it happened, and that was true—it was hard to be sorry for a night I thought I’d only live in my dreams. But there was another part to it, the other side of the coin. I was sorry for the people I’d hurt. I was sorry for betraying one of my best friends. Well, I was sorry for betraying my two best friends. Jesse stayed quiet, the skin between his brows creasing deeper and deeper with every word. “Oh, and one more thing. I’m sorry for not saying I’m sorry sooner. It took me two pathetic years to apologize to my best friend for making love to his girlfriend behind his back.”
“Black, what the hell are you talking about?” That wasn’t what I’d been expecting him to say. “You’ve said sorry plenty of times before.” I cocked an eyebrow. “Okay, so you haven’t come right out and said those exact words, but you’ve shown me you were sorry. You’ve been showing me for a long time.” Jesse clapped his hand over my shoulder. “I know you’re sorry. And I forgave you a long time ago.”
I let that settle in for a few moments. And a few more. “Well, shit. If I’d known that, I could have saved my breath.”
Jesse’s smile stretched. “It’s all good. Besides, it’s nice to hear the words sometimes, you know?”
“You’ve got that intentional look,” I said, motioning at his face. “So whatever it is you’re thinking, you better spit it out.”
“The hard part is showing someone you’re sorry—or in a totally unrelated and not-at-all applicable situation . . . showing someone you love them.” Jesse’s tone gave me the equivalent of a nudge. Inapplicable, my ass. “The easy part is telling them.”
“Your point, Yoda?”
“You’ve already proven you love her. That’s the hard part. All you have to do is tell her.” How was he still able to talk, let alone form those kinds of thoughts, when he was supposed to be standing in front of an alter? Oh, yeah. Because he was Jesse f**king Walker.
“And that’s the easy part?” I said.
“As pie.”
I shoved his arm, pushing him through the office door. “Let’s get you to your wedding, princess.”
“I’ll make sure Rowen tosses the bouquet your way, sweetie,” Jesse said, adjusting his tie before buttoning his jacket.
“Bite me, Walker.”
He grinned at me. “Love you too, Black.”
Sliding the barn door open, I clamped my mouth closed. Dozens of faces turned their attention on the two of us. “You couldn’t have given me a little warning?” I hissed at him, keeping a smile plastered on as I followed him to the altar.
“Warning,” he said, waving at Clementine. She was practically bouncing in her seat.
Again, I had to fight the urge to buckle his knees out from under him. His wedding day. Dozens of people smiling at us. I should be on my best behavior. As the song the guitar player was strumming ended, he moved seamlessly into the next song. Even though I wasn’t a big Cash fan, I’d been around Jesse enough to know the song—“I Walk the Line.” I got the relevance, but really, the lyrics seemed more suited for a person like me than Jesse. A single guitar player was playing the song at half time, but the tune was almost haunting. I was practically wiping my eyes, and then the Walkers’ front door opened and Josie stepped out. Damn. If I’d been the crying type, I would have been a sobbing mess right then.
She clutched a bouquet and wore a pretty purple dress that moved with the breeze. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. She always had been. And she always would be. She didn’t notice me at first—not until she’d made it down the stairs to the aisle. As soon as she saw me, her smile vanished. Her skin, already darkened a couple of shades from the early summer sun, whitened. Her pace slowed so much, I worried that she would turn around and bolt. Instead, she sucked in a deep breath, shifted her gaze away from me, and continued down the aisle. When she made it to the altar, she gave Jesse her standard slug greeting, then mouthed a quick Congratulations.
It was another surreal moment. The three of us all together as one was about to commit his life to the woman he loved. The three of us had grown up together, lived and learned together, loved and hurt one another. Yet after all of that, we were still together, practically shoulder to shoulder, supporting one who was ready to move on to the next phase of life. Jesse, Josie, and me—an unlikely trio of friends who’d been through it all.
“Hey, Joze,” I whispered to her, taking a step her direction. She greeted me back with a powerful glare. “You look beautiful.”
Her glare went from powerful to lethal. Jesse subtly elbowed me in the stomach before tilting his head back. “Don’t make eye contact. Keep your mouth shut. Until the end of the ceremony.” One more elbow before a small smile appeared. “Please.”
“Fine,” I mouthed before clamping my mouth shut. The guitar player was just getting to the second chorus when Rowen stepped out from behind the front door. She looked beautiful—Jesse was one hell of a lucky man—but I only kept my eyes on her for a moment. They shifted to the woman standing off to my side.
Every eye was on the bride coming down the aisle, but mine were on the woman I could only dream would make the same journey down the aisle toward me. I could tell Josie knew I was staring at her. She was obviously ignoring me, and her middle finger was extended behind her bouquet so only my eyes would see. That was a sure sign.
The song ended. Rowen took Jesse’s hands at the altar, vows and rings were exchanged, a kiss was shared that went on far too long for my liking . . . but I couldn’t pay attention to any of it. The only thing I could focus on was Josie. I tried looking away from her, but it was impossible. Jesse had found the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and I had too. The only difference was that it had taken me much longer to admit that to myself. Josie and I were like oil and vinegar at times, and her temper only served to fuel mine, but we belonged together. There wasn’t any more doubt in my mind. We belonged together. I’d accepted that. The trick was finding out if she still believed that.
That was how I watched one of my best friends marry the woman he loved—through the eyes of the woman I did. Once she stopped paying attention to me, her glare disappeared. Josie went from smiling, to shedding a few happy tears, to beaming, to crying, and then she repeated it as Jesse and Rowen exchanged rings. When the preacher pronounced them husband and wife, she smiled and clapped—everyone else was hooting and hollering like they were at a honky-tonk and not a wedding—but there was something sad about her expression. Her eyes couldn’t mask the sadness.
As Jesse and Rowen took the trip back down the aisle together to yet another Cash song strummed on a guitar, the Walkers descended on them before they made it far. There was so much hugging and kissing and crying from all of those sisters that I squirmed where I was at the front. Once they’d made it past the Walker bottleneck, Josie moved beside me. I sucked in a breath and smiled, but she wouldn’t look at me. She clearly had something to say because she just stood there, practically shoulder to shoulder with me, looking expectant.
After a few more seconds, she sighed. “You’re supposed to escort me down the aisle.”
“Oh.” Well, that explained the look. I held out my elbow for her. “I didn’t know that.”
“You might have if you’d made it to the rehearsal last night.” She wove her arm through my elbow, but she made sure that as little of her arm touched mine as possible. I was back to being radioactive.
“Yeah, I guess so. I had a few things to figure out.” We were able to speak in normal voices because everyone was still cheering and clapping for the newly married couple who’d already made their way through the Walkers’ front door.
“Well, I hope you got figured out what you needed figuring out.” Josie’s voice wasn’t warm, and it wasn’t particularly cold either. It was just . . . absent. Removed.
“I think I did.” I had to tap the shoulders of a few people who were blocking our way. It’s a wedding, people, not a rock concert. Get a grip.