He undressed and then slid into bed next to her. He edged closer to her until her back was pressed to his chest and he curled an arm around her body, pulling her even tighter to his body.
She went rigid, tension boiling off her body.
“We need to talk, baby.”
She shook her head. “No. Not tonight. I have nothing to say. I’m too upset and we’ll end up saying things we regret. Isn’t that what you’ve basically said happens with you? That you say shit you don’t mean? For once, I want you to say something you do mean. I’m tired of guessing. I’m tired of having to tiptoe around, never knowing how you’re going to take things or how you’ll react or what fucked-up way you’ll interpret something that is absolutely meaningless.”
He sighed and kissed her shoulder, leaving his lips pressed against her skin.
“You haven’t even eaten anything. It’s early yet.”
“I’m not hungry,” she said in a low voice. “Please, Jace, just leave me alone. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not running. Go eat or do whatever it is you want to do and let me work this out on my own.”
He rolled away from her onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.
“Not crazy about you lying here hurting because of me, baby.”
She didn’t respond, but he saw the slight wobble of her shoulders and he cursed silently. She was fucking crying. And she wanted to be left alone. Didn’t want to be comforted. Didn’t want his arms around her. Didn’t want him holding her.
He squeezed his eyes shut. Yeah, he’d fucked up royally. Even worse than the last time. When would he stop doing this shit?
How could he even go into work tomorrow when he’d be paralyzed with the fear of her leaving the minute he was out of sight?
He couldn’t live like this. And he knew she couldn’t either. He was destroying her with his mistrust. And the hell of it was, he did trust her.
Maybe this was a product of their relationship only being a few weeks old. These were issues all couples had to work out, weren’t they? He’d moved fast. He knew that. Most normal people drew out the dating and get-to-know-you stage a little longer than he had. But then, he’d always gone after what he wanted with single-minded determination. Bethany had been no different in that regard.
Knowing he’d never go to sleep this early, he eased out of bed. Her back was still to him but he also knew she was still awake. Her body was too rigidly set for her to have fallen into sleep.
“I’m going into the kitchen to get something to eat,” he said softly. “I’d love it if you joined me. Or I can bring you something to eat in bed.”
She sniffed ever so lightly and his heart clenched all over again. Fuck it all. She was still crying.
He turned and strode out of the bedroom, fear and remorse vying for equal airtime. He’d said he trusted her. Part of that was giving her space to work things out her own way. As long as she did it here in his apartment, in his space, in his bed, he could deal. He’d said he trusted her. It was time to show her he meant that.
He made a sandwich, more to have something to do than because he was hungry. He remembered when Gabe had fucked up so badly with Mia, she’d told him that if he ever had a hope of getting her back that he’d have to crawl. And Gabe had crawled. He’d humbled himself in front of half of New York City in order to get Mia back.
Jace hadn’t really gotten it at the time. He’d thought Gabe was being a bit too dramatic, but now he realized the desperation Gabe must have been feeling. Jace would crawl. He’d do whatever it took to get Bethany to stay.
After hours of churning over every word he wanted to say, he went back into the bedroom only to find the lights out. She’d gotten up long enough to darken the room. When he climbed into bed, he could hear her soft breathing, but what pained him more was the fact that even in sleep, she softly hiccupped, a sign that she’d cried for quite some time.
He turned into her, inhaling her sweet scent. He buried his face in her hair and curled his arm around her middle, anchoring her against his body.
Sleep was a long time coming, and when it finally did, it was filled with haunting dreams of a world without Bethany.
Chapter thirty-eight
Bethany came awake to soft lips brushing over her shoulder. She winced when her eyes opened and pain instantly stabbed through her head. Her eyes were puffy and swollen. Her throat was scratchy and achy from the tears she’d shed the night before.
“Baby, wake up for me, please.”
Jace’s soft voice drifted over her ears and she closed her eyes again as a flood of pain rocketed through her all over again.
“Bethany, I need you to look at me.”
Grudgingly she turned halfway to her back so she could meet Jace’s gaze. He winced when he saw her face. She must really look bad based on his reaction.
He stroked his fingers over her face and then he leaned in to kiss her.
“Baby, I know what I did was wrong. It wasn’t fair to you or to Ash. I’ve made things right with Ash but I have to make them right with you.”
He went silent a moment as if allowing her to digest his words. Then he continued on.
“I have to go into the office this morning. Unless you want me to stay and talk now. Nothing is more important than you. But if you need more time, I’m going to go into the office, make a few calls, get caught up with Gabe and Ash, and then I’m coming home so we can work this out.”
She nodded, her throat too raw to speak.
“I want you to rest, take it easy today,” he said gently. “When I get home, we’ll talk. Then we’ll go get something to eat. Spend the evening together, just you and I.”
“Okay,” she said hoarsely.
She rolled back to her side as he moved away from the bed. And she closed her eyes again, drifting back into the dark void.
Her thoughts were chaotic. She’d thought about the situation all night. Only in the hour before dawn had she been able to drift off fully.
The problem was that there was nothing she could do to fix the issue between her and Jace. He either trusted her or he didn’t. There was no magic solution. Nothing she could do to change it. It was on him and if he didn’t trust her, nothing she did or said would ever change that fact.
She had no doubt that he was truly regretful for the way things had gone down the prior evening. But that didn’t mean he trusted her, and it didn’t mean that it wouldn’t happen again.
She listened as he quietly readied himself for work. When it was time for him to go, he came back over to the bed and leaned down to kiss her forehead. He lingered there a moment longer, as if he was reluctant to leave.