I rocked back and forth, completely wrecked from everything that just happened. I chewed on my thumbnail, trying to make sense of Kiran and his crazy ideas and then of my own reactions and feelings.
I had meant to distract Kiran, not get lost in a kiss that made my heart pound with the very memory of it. I shook my head, thankful that Lilly was safe and that she was capable of getting us into the air, away from Morocco, away from Kiran and away from compromising decisions that I could never entertain again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Eden, are you Ok?” Lilly approached conversation carefully after several minutes of silence.
The plane was in the air and on its way back to Omaha. Lilly worked the dials and maneuvered around the cockpit like an expert while shooting me furtive glances and crinkling her nose in concern.
Wrapped in misery, I felt weak and foolish. My fingers touched my lips that still burned with the memory of Kiran and I couldn't stop beating myself up for losing myself in the tension of the fight. The inner turmoil reached a feverish-pitch that threatened my sanity all together.
It wasn't that I was fighting to keep myself from Kiran. Not a piece inside of me wanted to be with him again, to stand by his side or call myself his bride. Our kiss felt more like goodbye than the continuance of any significant emotion.
I fought the original attraction that brought us together in the first place. From the very first time I saw Kiran, I couldn't keep myself from him, or him from me. Our relatoinship possessed something magnetic, something gravitational that pulled us together without choice or real objection. This force beyond our control guided our paths into a catastrophic collision of tragic fate, that would haunt us both for the rest of eternity.
This same battle I fought since the beginning of all this, would be stronger this time. This time, I wouldn't allow him to convince me I felt differently or to blind my common sense and moral obligation with his obtrusive magic that called so sweetly and manipulatively to mine. This time I would win.
“Ugh! I should be asking you that!” I huffed, forcing myself from a miserable brewing session.
“What happened back there?” She ignored my dramatics and looked at me with her trademark sensitivity.
“I don't even know,” I grumbled into my hands, too ashamed to look at her. “He wants me to give myself up in return for Avalon. If I turn myself over, then they will let Avalon go, and leave everyone else alone....” I trailed off, trying to figure out the reasons I didn't just agree to the terms in Morocco.
“You're not seriously considering it, are you?” Lilly gasped, her red curls bouncing with enthusiasm.
“Well, no, not seriously....” I admitted, sinking lower into my seat and hoping to disappear until this whole thing was over.
“Eden, you will not solve anything by doing that! You cannot possibly believe that handing your magic over to Kiran will be a better solution than Avalon without magic. They would kill you, or worse yet make you marry Kiran. And then you would have all of eternity to watch as Lucan destroys us!” Prison impassioned Lilly, there was a fire in her green eyes that I had never seen. She was right.
“So what do you suggest I do?” I asked, more whiny than sincere.
“Eden, keep doing what you're doing! It's working! I know that it doesn't feel like it, but even in the prisons the Guards are scared to say your name. I've only heard about some of the stuff that's happened, but from what Talbott says, you seem to be doing a good job. You got me out! And that is the greatest thing to happen to me, since.... since probably the last time you got me out!” We both laughed at the harsh reality of our lives. I was so glad she was with me that the events with Kiran started to fade into memories and I breathed easier, trying to accept her words.
“I don't know if I actually get the credit for breaking you out though....” I teased, and when she turned to me confused, I added, “I'm pretty sure that was all Talbott.”
“I doubt that...” she mumbled, her cheeks flaming red.
“Lilly, seriously, I'm pretty sure it was his idea! Plus, Kiran told me he would find any excuse to visit you in Romania, so....” I purposely left out the part about him wanting alone time on the plane, simply because I didn't know if that was really him or Kiran's idea of leverage.
“Oh, no. No, it's nothing like that.” Her blush spread across her porcelain face, down her neck and suddenly she was fidgeting with the dials. “I mean, yes, he did visit me once or twice, but I think it was just to find out more information about you. I mean, because we're so close. Lucan probably sent him down to pump me for information or whatever.”
“Yeah, I'm sure that's what happened....” I laughed.
“Eden, seriously.... if it seemed like I like him or whatever, it's just because I knew he was kind of willing to help me. I was just trying to get out of there alive, that's all....” she confessed quietly and my heart broke for her.
“Was it awful?” I asked in a whisper.
She was silent for a minute, tears filling her forest green eyes and her chin quivering gently from the memory. She breathed out slowly as if to control her emotions and then conceded with a raspy voice, “Yes.... but it wasn't as bad as it could have been.” She sat up straighter, finding strength for her voice. “I know Talbott helped me, even when he wasn't there, this time was.... this time was easier than the last time.”
“I'm so sorry, Lilly,” I insisted, holding the weight of believing her imprisonment was entirely my fault.
“Eden, don't be sorry!” she gushed, turning the full intensity of her expression on me. “I asked for this life! I'm the one that signed up to fight. I knew this would be part of it, and if more is asked of me than a few weeks in prison, I will gladly give it all.”
“But you won't have to,” I promised. Even if Lilly was willing to martyr her life for this cause, I wasn't willing to let her. She had been committed even longer than I to fighting for freedom, but I was in charge now and if anyone was going to die it was going to be me. Still, the bleakness of the fight reminded me that more than one innocent life would end before this was over.
She was silent for a few moments, not wanting to argue with me and I didn't blame her. I couldn't promise that she wouldn't lose her life over this and if I was perfectly honest with myself, I didn't want to try to stop her. She had just as much right to fight for our people as I did, if not more.
She was the oppressed, the exiled. She stared prejudice and extinction in the face and demanded they move for her.
“Were you able to find anything out about your parents while you were there?” I asked timidly, breaking the silence. I didn't want to bring up anything painful for her, but I sincerely hoped she at least got to see them while there.
“Yes, once. Talbott arranged a short meeting with them individually. They are kept isolated, just like everyone else, but somehow he got me a visit.” She sighed with relief, but her jaw tightened with firm resolve as if cementing her purpose forever stronger.
“Are they Ok?” I asked, knowing that even if they were physically fine, they could never really be Ok inside those prison walls.
“They are.... they are alive.” Lilly cleared her throat and shook her head gently to rid the crushing emotion. Her vibrant curls, bounced with the movement, falling across her face and catching the lone tear that escaped down her cheek.
“Oh, what a mess we're in!” I sighed, frustrated with the whole kingdom. “Will it ever get better?”
“It has to,” she insisted. “Things cannot be this difficult forever, we won't survive it.”
“Doesn't he feel it? Doesn't Lucan understand how his family has destroyed this kingdom?” I was suddenly disgusted with the bloodline that brought destruction upon its own people. “Or do you think he has ever thought of our people as his kingdom? Has he ever even looked beyond the plight for his own immortality?”
“I don't know....” Lilly thought seriously for a few moments, mulling over the answers that we could really only ever speculate. “You know, that's why my parents sent me to Kingsley. They knew there was a risk and that in essence they were gambling with my life. But they trusted Amory. They wanted me to have a real education, to make something of myself and in our communities; I mean.... in the Shape-shifter communities.... I would never have had a chance.”
“Really? Because I thought you were well off and stuff. I mean, don't the Shape-shifter families still have money?” I had never talked to Lilly about her family's money before, but she lived in her own apartment when I came to Kingsley, so they had to have something.
“There is money, of course. But, most Shape-shifters live as part of the human world and go to human schools. There are only a few isolated Shape-shifter communities where they have been fortunate enough to stay together, but circumstances are usually so uncertain that they neglect formal education. My parents believed in a better way for me; they wanted me to live as an active citizen of the kingdom I belong to and for them it was worth prison. How can it be anything less for me?” Her voice was full of the passionate fire that revolutionizes tyranny and in that moment my pledge strengthened.
These people needed saving; this was a kingdom that faced extinction and a greedy, power-hungry king that would stop at nothing until he was the last Immortal walking this earth. My fight wasn't with Kiran, who acted ignorantly from selfish conceit. This hostility was against his father, who hunted my family, murdered my grandfather and would gladly tie my brother onto the altar of sacrifice for blood sport and entertainment.
“Do you think one day we will look back at all of this and laugh?” Lilly asked, her mood turning hopeful.
“Not laugh, but yes, one day, we will sit together and remember how we changed things. We will remember the way things used to be, and teach our children to be better than us. The generations that follow will remember with us. In that day, we will all be free,” I vowed, my soul swelling with the hopeful song of revolution.
We fell silent, each to our own thoughts of the future, and in those quiet reflections, I remembered Kiran and our kiss. The memory was distant and fading, my heart had stilled and my mind stalled its racing.
This war wasn't about scorned love or heart-wrenching betrayal. In fact, it wasn't about me at all. It was about a people on the cliff of extinction and deep-seated prejudice that kept our magic separated and small.
These weren't small complaints or short-lived mistakes. This war.... this rebellion was the difference between survival and death.
When I weighed the eternal consequences Kiran was an insignificant speed bump in the road for the betterment of this kingdom. It was easier to dismiss him than, to forget about our kiss or feelings that resurfaced or stayed buried.
There were more important things in my life than teenage romance.
Chapter Thirty
The taxi dropped us off in front of Aunt Syl's house close to midnight. The house was completely dark and seemeinlgy empty. I wondered if Aunt Syl was at the hospital, and the thought alone sent me into a deeper depression.
Still, it felt good to be home. Omaha was beautiful at the beginning of April. The trees were finding life again, the buds just beginning to open and the grass turning from brown back to green; the entire city smelled like flowers and rain. I walked slowly to the front door, feeling like I had been gone for years, and not just a few short months.