A bolt of need shot through me. I wanted him to see all of me. But here, now? Like this? I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it.
“Not here, though,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut and gritting his teeth. “I want you, Nell. I’m not gonna lie.”
He withdrew his hands from my skin, and I nearly whimpered at the loss of his touch. I stuffed myself back in my bra, but didn’t put on my shirt. Kyle’s eyes were bright and intense.
“I want you too,” I said.
“But I want it to be right. I want it to be special.” He seemed to be struggling with himself.
I felt my heart squeeze at his words, and leaned forward to kiss him, taking his face in my hands. “And that’s why I love you,” I whispered, not thinking.
He froze, his eyes wide, searching mine. “What?”
I bit my lip, worried it was too soon. “I—” My eyes slid closed as I fought for the right words. I decided to own it. “I said, that’s why I love you. I do. I love you, Kyle.”
His hands slipped around to skate up and down my back before coming to rest on my hips in a familiar, sensual, incredible touch. I suddenly loved his hands there, wanted them there forever. His hands on my hips above the waist of my low-rise jeans felt perfect.
“I’m not gonna say it yet,” he said, then frowned. “I don’t want you to think I’m just saying it back because you did But I do.”
The thought had crossed my mind. “You do?”
He shook his head, thumbs rubbing in circles on my hipbones. “Yep.”
I smiled and leaned in for another kiss. “Good. You should love me.”
He chuckled into my lips. “Oh, I do.” His hands roamed up my sides, and I arched my back out to allow him access to my br**sts. “Especially these. I really like these.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Oh really? Especially those? Just those? You only love me for my boobs?”
“Hmmm,” he pretended to consider, then slid his hands around to my back, hesitated, then descended to cup my backside. “And this. I like this too.”
I slid my palms up under his shirt and pinched his ni**les, eliciting a squawk from him. “Try again, buster.”
He laughed and pulled me into a hug, whispering into my hair. “I’m teasing, Nell. I love you for you. For who you are.”
I turned my face up to kiss his jaw. “I know. I was teasing too.”
With the heater off, cold had snuck into the car, and I felt goosebumps cover my skin. Kyle felt it too and handed me my shirt, cranking the heat back up. I slid off his lap and put my shirt on.
“I wonder if the deer is dead,” Kyle said.
I peered over the hood at the shape in the still-falling snow. “It’s not moving.” I glanced at him as I zipped my coat. “Should we check?”
“I’ll look,” he said. “Stay here.”
I snorted. “No way! I wanna see too.”
He shook his head, huffing a laugh. We both got out, stepping softly through the powdery snow. Flakes settled on my nose and in my hair, covering me almost instantly in a cold dusting of white. I wrapped my arms around my middle and leaned into Kyle’s side. He stopped a few feet away from the deer, put a hand on my shoulder to keep me in place, then moved forward again. A tense silence stretched between us, the engine rumbling behind us, headlights bathing us in a swath of brightness that pierced the otherwise dark winter night.
I watched as Kyle carefully approached the deer. He extended a toe to touch the animal’s side, nudging gently. Nothing. I let out a breath. Kyle moved forward a bit more, crouched, extended a hand to touch the doe’s side.
He turned back to me, surprised. “She’s still alive. Still breathing.”
“What do we do?” I asked. “We can’t just leave her here.”
He held his hands out in an ‘I don’t know’ gesture. “She might just be unconscious, or if she’s hurt somehow…I don’t know, Nell.”
At that moment, the deer’s hoof twitched, then her flank shuddered and she huffed out a breath. Kyle scrambled backward, cursing in shock as the doe flailed wildly, gathered her feet under her and trotted a few steps away, stopping to regard us with doleful eyes and swiveling ears. Kyle was on his butt in the snow, watching the deer as she gazed at us for a long moment, then bounded off across the road.
“Shit!” Kyle said, standing up and brushing himself off. “That honestly scared the crap out of me. I think I might’ve peed a little.”
I laughed so hard I had to clutch his arm to stay upright.
We drove home the rest of the way without incident, but the memory of the moment we’d shared in the car was foremost in our minds. We didn’t kiss for as long as we normally did before I got out at my driveway. I knew the power of getting carried away, now, and out of the heat of the moment, I knew I still wasn’t ready. I didn’t think Kyle was either.
Chapter 3: Going to the Hotel
Valentine’s Day
I was a little jittery during school, absentminded, wondering what Kyle had planned for us. I knew he knew it was Valentine’s Day, and I knew he had something planned, as he’d hinted at something special. We’d been careful the last couple weeks, keeping our kisses calm and under control. We both knew, in an unspoken way, that if we let ourselves get carried away, it would be too easy to simply not stop.
We had to talk about it, at some point. I knew we had to. He knew we had to. But we kept avoiding it. Which was weird, in a way, because we were both horny, hormonal teenagers. I knew he wanted it, and I did too. But we were both scared, I think, because we knew that would be another line crossed, a more significant line.
Just in case, though, I’d gone with Becca’s cousin to get birth control, and I’d been taking it for about a week. I hadn’t told Kyle, though. Another thing I figured I probably should do, but couldn’t ever seem to find the right time for.
Sixth period finally ended and I met Kyle at his car. He grinned at me as he opened my car door and closed it behind me.
“Are you gonna tell me what we’re doing tonight?” I asked.
He wrinkled his brow, as if confused. “Tonight? What’s tonight?”
I stared at him, trying to decide if he was joking, or if I had misinterpreted his hints. “You’re kidding, right?”
At the warning tone in my voice, he bursted into laughter. “Yes, Nell, I’m kidding. No, I’m not gonna tell you. Both of our parents know we’re going to be out late, though. I’ve already cleared everything with them. Our temporary curfew for tonight is two a.m.”