I took a deep breath. One month. I couldn't see him for one month.

Oh god.

I went back to my room, but it wasn't long before it hit me, really hit me. I couldn't see Mason. I couldn't see Logan. Panic settled over me and I went to the shower. With my clothes on, I turned the spray on full blast and sunk to the floor. When the water warmed, I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my forehead between them. Then I took in one gulping breath after another.

I could do this. I knew I could do this.

Hell.

I've done it before, when I had two best friends who weren't friends at all. That was when the names of Mason and Logan had seemed surreal. I considered them ass**les then. I took care of myself then. I could do it again.

The hallway was dark and narrow. The walls stretched higher than I could see and as I walked to the bathroom, I couldn't catch my breath. There was something thundering in my ear. It wouldn't stop. I frowned against the pain, but I had to go to the bathroom. I knew my mom wouldn't be happy if I disturbed anything so I trekked down the hallway as silent as I could. My bare feet were so cold. The carpet didn't warm them up. I should've worn the socks my mom insisted I wear to bed, but I always pulled them off when she left my room. I hated sleeping in them. They would get caught on my blankets, and I would wake up with my blankets tangled all around me. As I stubbed my toe against something, I whimpered and fell to the ground. I opened and closed my mouth as I tried not to let any sound out. If my mom was sleeping, I dared not wake her. She would get so mad.

When the pain subsided and I knew I wouldn't cry out, I stood back up and limped forward. I really had to pee now, but I went slower. I didn't want to hurt my toes again so I felt along the wall as I went. When I got to the corner, I turned and paused. The light was on in the bathroom. The crack underneath was lit.

Oh no.

I pressed my hands between my legs. I had to pee so bad. I couldn't go there. My mom would be really mad then.

I started to shake back and forth. It was too dark out to use the bathroom downstairs. And too cold. I was shivering already as I waited for what I should do, but then I wondered if anyone was really in there. Maybe my mom had left it on by accident—no, not possible. She double-checked everything before she went to bed. Every light was turned off. Every door was locked. All the windows were checked three times.

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If anyone left it on, then it was dad. Relief went through me. If he had done it, then I could use it. Or if he was in there, he wouldn't be mad at me. He never was.

Oh my god. I had to pee!

I inched closer to the door, but I didn't hear anything. Then I knelt and tried to see underneath the door. I couldn't see anyone either. Then, with a deep breath (I was so nervous) I started to turn the doorknob.

When it wasn't locked, a big smile came over me. It would've been locked if someone had been in there so I pushed it open.

Then I froze.

My eyes went wide as I saw the blood first.

"AHHHHH!" I jerked awake and bolted upright in bed. My scream stopped abruptly and my chest heaved up and down. I couldn't get enough breath. I pounded on my chest. My heart was racing.

I tumbled out of bed. My legs weren't steady so I fell to the ground. The sheets were tangled around my legs and I sat there shivering. I wasn't cold. I was hot. I felt my forehead and wondered if the burning was in my mind or not? But no, I wiped my hand over my forehead and felt the sweat from it.

Oh my god.

I took more breaths. I needed to calm down.

It was awhile before I could move. The sheer terror was still there. I felt it in my chest and I wanted to pound on it so it would go away, but it didn't. It lingered. Oh god. I wanted Mason. He should've been beside me. He would've caught me and I would've been in his arms by now, but I remembered what happened the day before.

I closed my eyes. Everything would be fine. It was only a month, but as I said that to myself, it didn't matter. I needed him then. So I did the next best thing I could think of—I grabbed my blanket and went to his room.

I stood in the middle of his room, and I breathed it in. It smelled of him, of men's cologne and his aftershave. I calmed a little bit because of that, but then I crawled underneath his covers. I had used his body to warm me up before, but I wouldn't have that now. I spread my blanket on top and curled underneath. I hugged his pillow to me and tried to go back to sleep again.

Two hours later, I was still awake. I rolled over and glanced at his clock. It was now three in the morning.

Screw it.

I hurried from his bed and flipped on his bathroom light. I pulled on a pair of his black warm-up pants with one of his school sweatshirts. Then I went to my room, slipped on my shoes, and grabbed my purse. On the way downstairs, I grabbed my keys and went out the door. When it locked behind me, I got into my car and headed to Nate's house.

It was a risk. A big one, but I needed to see Mason. It was 3:23 in the morning when I pulled into his driveway. All the lights were off and I didn't have a phone number to wake him up so I had one option. I pounded on his door and rang the doorbell until someone woke up. When some lights were turned on inside and I heard cursing, I stepped back and waited.

Nate threw the door open. His face was in a scowl, but he took one look at me and turned back. "Mason!" Then he threw the door open and I swept inside.

"Where is he?"

He gestured upstairs. "The room you guys used before."

I ran upstairs and met him halfway. Mason's eyes went wide as he saw me, but he didn't say a word. He caught me on the stairs, lifted me in the air, and turned right around. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I drank in the sight of him.




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