"You aren't to blame for what happened to my father, Tristan. Your crime was lying to me. We built a life together based on a lie. You asked me to marry you. Our entire life is a lie."
Standing, I grabbed her hands, needing to feel her touch on my skin, some small connection I could believe still meant something. "Don't say that. I know I lied and I know I hurt you, but we love each other. No matter what else happened, we fell in love."
"How could you do this? I wanted to believe we'd be together forever," she said in a sad voice as she looked down at our joined hands.
"I'm sorry, Nina. No matter what else, I need you to believe that I love you."
She yanked her hands from mine and glared up at me. Shaking her head wildly, she sobbed, "I can't listen to this. I can't. I trusted you."
Dropping to my knees, I wrapped my arms around her legs and held her tight. I needed to keep her there. I couldn't let her go. "Come away with me. We can go anywhere. Venice again. Wherever you want. As long as we're together."
Nina stared down into my eyes and I knew. I'd lost her. No amount of begging was going to work.
"I can't do this, Tristan. I can't," she said sadly and then pulled away from me, never looking back.
I watched her run out, knowing that I had to go after her. My feet took the steps downstairs by two, and I caught up with her just as she was reaching the street. Jensen stood next to the car looking over at me for what to do.
"Take me home!" she ordered as she opened the car door, but he stood still as a statue waiting for my orders.
"I want to go home! Take me home, Jensen!" she cried, but still he wouldn't move, his eyes focused on me to know what to do.
Silently, I nodded to let him know he could leave, and he sped away toward the house as I watched everything I loved leave me. I'd told myself over and over that I was willing to lose her if it meant she was safe, but now I couldn't do it. I couldn't let her go. I needed to know she believed I loved her.
I heard her cry as I stood in the hallway outside her bedroom door, knowing I was the only person who couldn't make her feel better. For an hour, I listened to her heartbreaking sobs as my hope that she'd understand why I'd done what I'd done faded away.
Sliding down the wall, I finally leaned against her door and whispered, "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
I'd lost her. The one soul on Earth that I truly loved and I'd lost her because of who I was. That was the truth at the heart of it all. I was a Stone and because of that—because of what I was deep down—I'd lost Nina's love.
I was no different than my father or Taylor.
Closing my eyes, I pressed my cheek to her door and whispered one last time, "I love you, Nina. I hope someday you can forgive me."
I waited for what seemed like hours for her to say anything, but all I heard was silence.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Nina
My throat hurt because I cried so much, but the tears kept coming. I didn't know which hurt more—knowing what really happened to my father and that Tristan's father had been the one to take him away from me or that everything I loved had been based on a lie. I wanted to run away, like I did before, but I couldn't. Tristan had lied to me from the moment he met me, but I loved him. And he loved me. I just didn't know how we'd go on from here.
I'd heard him outside my door telling me he loved me. His voice was so sad that I couldn't face him. I pressed my ear to the door and heard him whisper that he hoped I'd forgive him.
I knew I shouldn't want to forgive him. He'd lied over and over for months. That should have been enough for me to never want to speak to him again.
If only it was that easy.
Exhausted from crying and thinking for hours, I finally fell asleep just as the first rays of the sun began to stream through my window. Not that I slept well. My body may have wanted to rest, but my mind raced the entire time so that when I opened my eyes at ten I was up and ready to face Tristan and our life together.
I couldn't just let this go. That had been the one thought preoccupying my mind. No matter how many times I told myself I couldn't forgive, it's the only thing I wanted to do. I knew what everyone would say. Kim would tell me I was stupid or being a fool. Once a liar, always a liar. Even Jordan would likely tell me to walk away.
My mind knew that was the smartest thing to do. My heart had an entirely different agenda, though.
For better or worse, my heart had won the tug-of-war, and I got out of bed prepared to tell Tristan how I felt. I could forgive him, but this would be his only chance. The man who'd been there for me when I was broken and hurt deserved at least that.
I spied an envelope sitting on the floor near the door, which was so typical of him. I hurriedly walked over to get it, noticing as I picked it up that it was far thicker than his usual notes. A tiny spike of fear ran through my mind at the possibility of what I'd soon find in those pages. Unfolding them, I began to read his words. As they flowed in front of my eyes, my stomach dropped and an emptiness filled me.
Dear Nina,
I can't say I'm sorry anymore and convince you how much I never meant to hurt you. I was a fool to believe that we could be happy. How could we be when I'm who I am?
You made my days happier than you'll ever know. Before I met you, I had never loved anyone. My life was empty. That was my fate, and I accepted it. I was a Stone, and it was better for me to be alone than to hurt people like my father had.
Then I met you and all that changed. I didn't want to accept my loneliness anymore. I wanted to believe I could make someone happy. I tried, but what I had to give wasn't enough. Money, trips, clothes—none of it made you love me. I didn't know anything else, and for that I'm sorry.
But somehow you made me understand none of that mattered and if I gave my heart I had a chance to have someone like you love me. I gave you my heart, and you gave me love. I know it wasn't easy to be with me. I'm all closed off and I need to have control more than other men. I don't know why I'm so fucked up, but you freely gave me your heart, and your love was the best thing of my life.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth in the beginning. I'm sorry that when I had the chance to make things right when you came home from the hospital that I didn't. I know you may not believe it, but I never wanted to hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted to do.
I will always love you. I can't fix the mistakes I've made. I can only say I'm sorry and hope you'll forgive me someday. You can't accept my love after what I've done, but I hope you'll accept what I promised. Enclosed you'll find a legal document that will ensure you'll want for nothing. This house will be transferred to you, and I've made sure that each month money will be deposited in your account to ensure you have everything you can possibly desire.
I'm sorry that all I am is money and things. For a short time, I was more because of you.
I love you, Nina. Someday, I hope you'll believe me.
Yours always,
Tristan
Tears clouded my eyes so I couldn't read the words anymore, but I'd seen enough. I didn't need to read some legal document to know Tristan was gone. Instantly, I felt alone. I couldn't let him give up on us like this.
I tore down my hallway screaming his name, but I instinctively felt the emptiness of the house now that he'd left. I ran from room to room but found nothing.
"Tristan! No! Tristan!"
All there was in return was silence.
His room looked like it always had, like he hadn't even been there that night. Something in me said to check Rogers' room, and I raced there, stopping dead in the doorway at the sight of the bed. Neatly made the last time I'd been there, now the bedspread and blankets lay crumpled as if someone had spent a restless night there.
I checked the garage to see if Tristan's Jag was still there, but I knew better. He was gone. Jensen stood in the corner ready to take me wherever I desired.
"Where is he?"
"Miss?"
"Where is Tristan, Jensen? Where did he go?"
"He drove on his own, miss."
"Do you know where?"
Jensen stood silent as he stared at me. Tristan had likely told him not to tell me where he'd gone. I didn't care. I needed to find him and let him know I forgave him, even if I didn't understand everything that had happened. I needed to tell him I still loved him.
"I have to find him. Tell me where he went!" I yelled across the garage, shocking the driver.
"He's gone, Nina," a voice behind me said quietly, and I turned around to see a strange man standing there.
"Who are you? Where is Tristan? Tell me! I need to know."
"Come with me. We can talk inside."
I followed the large man with too much red hair and beard to a sitting room. As I took a seat on the couch, I remembered being in that room with Tristan. We'd first kissed right there after he'd taught me how to tie a Windsor knot. I remembered everything. Our first night together. How crazy I was in love with him just days later. Everything was back now.
"My name is Daryl Knight. I work for Tristan. I guess ordinarily Rogers would have had the job of telling you this, but it's fallen on me now."
"I hope you don't hate me like Rogers did because I need you to tell me where Tristan is. I have to see him."
"That can't happen, Nina. All I know is that he's gone. Karl and his friends on the Board want him dead now that your sister gave them her copies of your father's notes. Because Tristan wouldn't give them the original notes, they can't let him stay alive."