“It’s the only cure I’ve found to quiet my stomach growling.”
I laugh. “Smart-ass. You should have told me you were hungry. I would have stopped.”
In the dark, I see her head turn toward me, then back to the window. “It felt good to drive. I didn’t want to stop either.”
There’s a strange sort of magic to her voice, that finds all the cracks, all the slivers in my armor and works its way through. I want her out, want to get her out of my system any way I can. To purge until she’s gone if I have to, but… fuck if I don’t like having her in there too. If I don’t want to binge on her until there’s nothing else there because the storm inside me doesn’t feel as fierce when that magic in her voice speaks to me.
I probably should, but I don’t reply to what she said. “Where do you want to eat? I’m not sure how many options there are.” A few places are scattered around, a Denny’s, pizza, China House, and a few local places. “There’s probably more if we drive around, but I wouldn’t want to be blamed for starving you all day.”
I wink and then remember she can’t see me. Christ. What the hell is wrong with me?
“We could just find our room, if you want. It looks cold outside. I’m sure we can order something.”
I want nothing more than to get her to a hotel. Want to finish what we started the other night. I tell myself it’s because ever since I met her, I haven’t touched another girl. My fingers itch to explore her body. My tongue wants to taste her again. I tell myself it has nothing to do with it being her. I need it to be true.
“You know I still want you, right? That if we’re going to be alone in a room all night, I’m going to want to do more than taste you this time.” Sex is one of the few things in my life I’m completely honest about. I can pretend to be a good guy, pretend I’m not going to want her, since I know that’s all I’ll give her, but we both know who I am. Or she knows as best as she can.
I stop at a red light, the glow enough so we can see each other. It’s one of the few times I can’t really make out what she’s thinking. There’s a lot going on behind those shadowed eyes of hers, but I don’t know what it is. Or maybe I don’t want to know.
“If… if I didn’t want you, too, I wouldn’t be here.” Her chin juts out and damned if I’m not proud of her. Innocence radiates from Delaney. She tries to hide it under a mask, but it’s always there, peeking out from behind her words and reminding me how different we are. But just now, she owned what she said. It turns me on, turns me inside out in a way I don’t want to think about.
“Good to know.” This time when I wink at her, she can see me. A honk comes from behind me and I pull away, pretending she’s not fucking with my head.
It doesn’t take us long to find a hotel. It’s not the best place, but it’s also not a piece of shit either.
We get out of the car and grab our bags. When we get inside, Delaney says, “I need to run to the rest room real quick. Here…” She starts to dig in her purse.
“I got it, Little Ghost. You’re here because of me.” Before she can reply to that, I walk up to the counter. The guy working there can’t be much older than Delaney. Probably eighteen, maybe nineteen if he’s lucky. Not that at twenty-two I’m that much older than either of them, but I think the little ghost and I have seen a lot more than this kid probably has. I eye him as he watches her walk away. I know her jeans are hugging her ass because I saw them earlier. I get why he’s staring, but he needs to stop.
“Something interesting, man?” Not that it’s any of my business.
“My bad.” He doesn’t look at me when he asks about the room.
I open my mouth to tell him a single king room, but then all sorts of thoughts that aren’t usually in my head start to slip in. She isn’t like other girls and I don’t want to push her, no matter what I said earlier. And what if she needs space or something like that?
“Just gimme two queens.” I give him my card and get it back with the keys a few seconds later. I turn around to see Delaney sitting next to a little girl in the lobby. She’s helping her tie her shoe, while the mom is corralling another kid.
Ashton would have been about this little girl’s age. As soon as I think about it, I see his brown eyes and think about the shirt in my bag that I usually keep under my pillow. Red clouds my vision. Blood. So much fucking blood. Suddenly I’m pissed. Or maybe it’s hurt that’s clawing its way into my chest. I don’t know, but whatever it is, I want to evict it. I’m so fucking tired of feeling this way, but should I have a choice?
Ashton didn’t have one…
I watch Delaney smile at the girl. Watch as the mom says thank you and Delaney replies. And when she turns to look at me, the feeling in my chest multiplies. It’s like she has her heart in her hand and it’s broken. She’s holding it out and showing me all the little pieces. Or maybe it’s my heart. Just another thing I don’t know. The only thing that’s clear is she looks sad, like she can read my emotions and somehow knows I’m wrecked. It feels good to have someone see it, to have someone really get something in me, but I want to hide it from her too. Hide it because I can’t handle the idea of anyone knowing.
“Got the room?” Slowly she walks toward me. Instead of replying, I hold up the key cards and head back outside to take the stairs to our room. We’re silent as we make our way upstairs. I hold the door open for her as she walks in, letting it close behind us.
“Two beds?” She sets her bag down.
The urge to smile tries to fight its way through. “It’s all they had.” We both know it’s a bullshit lie.
She turns around to look at me. “I’m going to take a shower.”
It’s her way of giving me space. This girl is fucking incredible. “Thanks. What do you want to eat? I’ll go get it and come back.”
We decide on pizza. I jump in the car and head to the restaurant I saw on the way in. The whole time I’m thinking about her. I see her with the little girl, but that’s only a second of it. I think about how she just let me off the hook. People give me shit about being psychic, but it’s her who’s the reader. At least when it comes to me. No one else would have known I wanted space like that.
While I’m waiting for the food, I don’t know what makes me do it, but I pull my cell out of my pocket and call Colt. We don’t do conversations for no reason, so when he picks up, the first thing he says is, “I’m with my girl. I’m not partying tonight.”
“I’m not even in town, man.”
“Where is he?” Cheyenne asks, which tells me she’s sitting close enough to Colt to hear everything I’m saying.
Fuck. Why the hell did I call him? “I don’t know. Some town a few hours away… with Delaney.”
There’s a rustling sound like Colt’s covering the phone with his hand. I hear him tell Cheyenne, “I’ll be right back, Tiny Dancer.” More moving around and then the sound of a door closing. Maybe I’m not as unreadable as I thought because Colt knows I wouldn’t want to talk around Cheyenne. Not that I have anything to really say, but still, he knows.
“I remember sitting around that little fucking table in your kitchen not too long ago when you told me I was different with Chey. I thought you were fucking crazy. Or maybe I didn’t and I was just too big of a pussy to admit it, but you still told me.”
“Is this where you pretend to return the favor? I’m not you, man. I can’t.” I shut my words down there, not willing to go any farther. What am I supposed to say? That I run away from everyone because I can’t handle shit? That I let a helpless little boy die because I only think of myself? Not going to happen.
“Fuck that. It doesn’t matter. You think I was the type to fall for someone before Chey? No matter how much you might want to, you can’t control that.”
Yes, I can.
“The fact that you’re away with her now… hell, the fact that you’re calling me about this proves it.”
Can I?
“Listen, bro, I’m standing outside freezing my balls off while I’m talking to you. Then I’m going to turn around and walk back into my apartment. I’m going to crawl into bed with a beautiful fucking woman. I’m going to make love to her and then I’m going to talk to her and she’ll make me laugh and then we’ll probably get into an argument and then we’ll do it again. When the worst shit in my life was happening, I had that girl with me. She never left me even though I probably didn’t deserve her. I’ve never had something like that and let me tell you, it’s fucking incredible. Way better than that other shit. I don’t know what’s going to happen with Delaney, but don’t be a pussy. Don’t fuck it up before it has a chance to happen.” The line goes dead. Not that I’m surprised. That’s Colt.
I twist my phone around in my hand as I think about what he said. For once, I want to do it. Just let go and not in the helpless, I-don’t-give-a-shit way, but forget the past, even if it’s only for a little while.
She dropped everything to come with me. She took care of my hand and kissed my eye and talks to me and has read my words. She’s gorgeous. And I left her in the room, naked and under the spray of a shower while I pretend to mentally check out, like I always do. When really, my mind is always, always going. Even if it’s for this night I want some peace.
They call our order. I grab it and speed my ass back to the room. I needed space this weekend, to clear my head, and I have the chance for even more than that sitting in the room waiting for me. I’m not talking about sex either. That night in the car and then in her room, I definitely enjoyed her body, but it was the first time in a long time I’ve really talked to anyone.
I want to talk to someone. No, not just someone—I want to talk to her.
Not about Ashton or Angel. I can’t go there, but fuck if I don’t want to open my mouth and say something. Tonight I’m going to wear someone else’s life and try to make myself believe things are different.
Chapter Sixteen
~Delaney~
What am I doing here? I’m scared to death this is wrong. That all I’m going to do is make things worse. I don’t have a right to be here… but I want to. Want to more than I ever thought I would. There’s something about Adrian that feels good. Feels right. I see the pain in his eyes and I want to extinguish it. To fight it until there’s nothing left to hurt him.
But it’s more than that, too, and that’s what scares me. I told him I like him, but the warmth he spreads through my chest and the pull I feel toward him are more than that. I can’t even blame that thread anymore. It’s just… Adrian. The words in his soul and his quiet nobility and the way he smiles. He’s special and I feel it in every part of myself.
And once he finds out… I’ll probably lose him. But do I really have him?
A rattle at the door tells me he’s here. I’m sitting in the middle of the bed that doesn’t have our stuff on it. My wet hair’s tied up in a ponytail and I have a sudden urge to run into the bathroom and put makeup on. It would look ridiculous to put it on after a shower, though, so I don’t. I did put a bra back on, but I’m wondering if I shouldn’t have.
I don’t sleep in them. And he said he wants me, but—
“You okay?” he asks. “You’re spacing off with a look of fear on your face.”
I hadn’t even realized he’d come in! “Yeah… fine. Just tired.” And scared, excited, nervous, and needy too.
“I got some Mountain Dew. I can go to the machine if you want something else. I don’t know what you like.” He sets the pizza, soda, and paper plates on the table.