I had to ask myself why. Why was I suddenly back to that time so vividly in my subconscious? Could Brynne’s situation be triggering the long-shelved memories of my time as prisoner and bringing them back to life? Fucking hell . . . It was a painful thought, but probably spot-on accurate.
I’d make it up to her tonight. Flowers, dinner, romance—complete honesty about the hell I’d been in and how I’d made it out. She deserved to know everything, and was strong enough to handle it. The bonus was having her support on some of the emotional burden. This was one of the aspects of a deep relationship. She shared her stuff with me. Why wasn’t I doing the same? Because you are a thoughtless arsehole a lot of the time and you need to work on that.
Brynne hated when I shielded her from things. I’d learned firsthand that she was incredibly strong, with the will to fight ingrained deeply inside her. She was no coward, and wouldn’t go down without giving it her all. My girl faced her fears head on. I should take her example and do the same. I accepted the time had come for me to seek out some professional help and to trust someone else with the burden of my demons. Brynne would be there to help me through it, and I couldn’t be in better hands than hers.
Brynne would also serve my arse to me on a silver platter and I should be prepared for that when I got home. She would never let this issue go, regardless. I had to grin at the thought of her reaction to me tonight. She’d looked gorgeous as usual with her eyes blazing, hands on her hips, battle-ready and full of fire. I looked forward to seeing the change in her when I came in bearing gifts and humbled, ready to finally share with her the darkest demons inhabiting the unmentionable places in my soul. And how she might reward me for all that, afterward . . .
I had some phone calls to make and plans to be put into motion. Time was speeding by at a reckless clip and there was no time for sitting around woolgathering over regrets that couldn’t be remedied. I sent Brynne a text first: I love u. Sorry 4 last nite. xx I’m going 2 fix things ok?
I dialed my sister in Somerset and waited for the call to connect.
“Brother, you have impeccable timing. I just had a visit from Mr. Simms, and he’s got some papers for you that need signatures.”
“That is very welcome news then. Let me have Frances get you an overnight slip and we’ll do it that way.”
“Sure. I do think it’s the most marvelous idea, E.”
I grinned in my seat. “I do too. After having a look, do you think it’s possible in such a short time?”
“Well, it’ll be close, but I think it can be done—not everything, mind you, but for your purposes, yes.”
“Good. I mean, I trust you implicitly, Han. Just do your best.”
“When can you come here? At some point you need to see it with your own eyes.”
“Right. I won’t be able to manage anything until the closing ceremonies, but the moment that’s all behind me I’ll slip in a quick trip . . . somehow.”
♦ ♦ ♦
I kissed Benny on the cheek and hugged him tight. Then I went right back to looking at the image proofs on the screen. “Oh my god. I love them all, Ben. I can’t choose.”
He laughed softly. “He’ll think they’re beautiful, Bree. They are. They’re breathtaking.”
“Thank you so much for doing this for me on the spur of the moment. The idea just came to me after . . . something that happened . . . and I wanted to do these pictures for Ethan. Nobody will ever see them but us.” I touched his cheek. “Thank you for making that possible, my dear, amazing friend.”
Ben smiled down at me with such kindness—I could tell he was touched I had asked him to take special pictures of me. Very special pictures indeed. Just me and my wedding veil. And only ever for Ethan’s eyes to see.
Ethan . . . yeah. We had yet to talk about last night. He’d never come back to bed and when I woke up this morning he was already gone from the flat. That bullshit wasn’t going to fly with me tonight, though. I would be sitting him down when he arrived home and he would talk to me—or else.
Or else what? I didn’t have all the answers, but I’d think of something. He was in bad shape emotionally with those nightmares and I had absolutely no intention of allowing him to continue suffering without some professional help to deal with them. And the part he had shared with me last night just shredded my heart into pieces. His torturers were going to behead him and taunted him with the fact. I couldn’t imagine how he had endured it all and wasn’t stark raving mad. It made me want to wrap my arms around him and shower him in my love. Ethan was going to get it from me whether he wanted it or not, I vowed.
“Hey, is everything all right with you two? You look a little worried there, luv.”
I nodded and began folding up my veil carefully and repacking it. “We are fine. Just some relationship stuff that needs to be aired out.” I put my hands on my hips. “But I’ve got it covered. Men can be so damn stubborn, you know?”
Ben laughed at me. “Riiiiight. Just the men. You’re talking to the right guy on that topic, Bree. I agree with you completely.” Ben winked at me and packed up his equipment. “Come on, beautiful girl, let me get you back home before Blackstone starts looking for you, thinking you’ve gone on the lam. I take it this is a surprise and he has no idea you’re with me, doing this.”
“Nope. No idea whatsoever. This was a spur-of-the-moment decision and I’ve kept my phone turned off all morning so he couldn’t track me with GPS. I’ll turn it back on when I get home and he’ll see that I’m safe and sound, and be none the wiser.”
Ben shook his head at me and looked up at the ceiling.
“You’re a wicked sneak and I don’t have any idea what you are talking about.”
I snorted at Ben.
“I’m dead serious, Bree. Don’t involve me in your plans to deceive your man. I want to live to see thirty, thank you.”
“Don’t worry so much,” I teased as we went out to his car, “it’s giving you frown lines.”
Ben frowned at me then caught himself, smoothing out his forehead and trying to be sly about it. Ben was hilarious a lot of the time, and it felt good to laugh.
Annabelle was at the flat when Ben dropped me at the door. He had to head off for another appointment, but we made plans for dinner on the weekend. I had a favor I wanted to ask of him and had even already discussed the idea with Ethan, but I wanted Ethan and I to ask him together. No rushing a good thing, and this was something really important to me.