Paul excused himself as Anna sat up, blinking the sleep out of her eyes. She was still gaunt, even worse after going through withdrawals, but she was clean. Her hair was pulled into a messy knot at the top of her head, and her T-shirt hung too large on her frame, making her seem younger than she was. “Are you leaving?” The panic that radiated from her eyes stopped me dead in my tracks.
“No,” I answered, sitting next to her on the bed. I cupped her cheek in my hand, running my thumb along her pocked skin. It didn’t matter what she’d done to herself; she was permanently sixteen to me, more vibrant than any girl or woman I knew or had known since. I chose to believe she was there, under the sagging skin and open sores, still my Anna, just a little worn at the edges. “I do have to go home tomorrow,” I said softly.
“I’m your home,” she protested in a soft whine. “You always say I’m your home.”
“I know, and you are. But I’m in flight school. If I stay any longer, they’ll set me back a class, or worse, I’ll fail out.” I picked up her hand and gently squeezed her bony fingers. “I don’t have a choice.”
Her mouth pursed. “You always have a choice. You could stay. We could get an apartment. I know I could stay clean if you would just stay with me.” Her eyes turned to liquid pools, a trick she’d learned early on got to me.
I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath. “We’ve tried that, Anna. I just end up down the rabbit hole with you, and I’m done. You need to get clean here. There’s no time limit, you’re paid for as long as you need to stay, but we can’t keep doing this.”
“Is it because of her?” she asked softly.
My stomach clenched. “Her?”
“The girl with the sweatshirt. The one you put me in? It’s a girl’s hoodie, and it smells sweet. Have you…found someone?”
Our eyes locked, and I couldn’t lie. “Yes, but she’s not why I can’t stay. I’m in flight school. You know how much that means to me, what I’ve given up to do this.”
“You’ve never chosen another girl over me.” Her voice dropped to a whisper, her eyes losing their focus.
I lifted her chin. “I’m still not. This isn’t a competition, Anna.”
“Does she know about me?”
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
She let out a pitiful laugh. “I wouldn’t want to tell her, either. I’m a drug addict, right? A high-school-dropout embarrassment that you waste your time and love on and who just won’t go away.”
“That’s not true. I love you, Anna. Nothing is ever going to change that.”
“But she is!” she shouted, drawing her knees to her chest. “You said you’d never love another girl, that I was the other half of your soul. You promised!” Her hands ripped into her hair, and I drew them away gently.
“In all fairness, I think we were nine when I promised that.”
She pouted, the look the closest to my Anna as I’d gotten in almost seven years. “It still holds.”
A smile spread across my face. “You look like such an imp when you do that. Stop being a pain in the ass. I love you. I will always love you. There is no force on earth, no other woman in the universe who will replace you. Ever. But I can’t stay here with you. I’m not what you need right now.”
“I hate you,” she whispered.
It stung but didn’t cripple, not like it usually did. “Yeah, well, I hate me, too. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t see what you were doing until you were so far gone. I’m sorry about the late-night parties, and the girls, and making you feel like you didn’t have any other recourse.” My throat threatened to close, but I pushed through, needing to say it. “I’m sorry you felt abandoned, but I can promise that you never were, and you never will be. If I could go back…”
She narrowed her eyes. “You’d what? Stop me before it started? Get me through rehab successfully that first time? Or maybe just before I whored myself out when I ran out of money?”
Nausea struck hard, nearly doubling me over. I blocked out the images she put in my head, so I could breathe. “I would have stopped it all, been whatever you needed. I’m sorry I was young, and stupid, and didn’t realize until it was too late. And as for money, you know I’ll give you whatever you need. Please—” My voice broke. “Anna, don’t do that. You’re worth so much more than that, and it’s dangerous. Let me take care of you.”
“Not with his money. I’d rather take my clothes off than take his money.” Her eyes sparked with life, and though I wanted to soothe her, I was just as happy to see her passionate about something, even if it was hatred.
There was a knock at the door. “Come in,” I said as the heavyset nurse entered.
“Anna Bateman?” she asked. Anna’s eyes widened before she nodded. The nurse verified the name on her bracelet with the chart and then switched her IV bag. “I’ll be around to check your vitals in a little bit.”
“Thank you,” I said, since Anna’s manners wouldn’t.
The nurse nodded and slipped out.
“You told them my last name was Bateman?” She smiled.
“Yeah, it was less risky than telling them your real one.”
“I like being a Bateman. I’ll have to think about that. Tell you what. I’ll keep it if you agree to stay.”