Fuck.
You’re so hell-bent on ripping your chest open for a risky procedure because you think a pacemaker sentences you to a half life…
I was the asshole here. I’d been so focused on what I wanted, on my own fears, I hadn’t stopped to listen to what she was really saying. It didn’t matter how illogical it was to me, because it made perfect sense to her.
I hadn’t stood by her. No, I’d made her choose her half life. I. Was. The. Asshole.
Seven hours. I’d be there in seven hours, and then I’d listen to every single thought she had on it. I’d go in without preconceived notions, or my own mind made up. If I trusted her judgment on everything else, including me, I had to push my fears aside and trust her with her own future.
The door swung open, and Carter walked in, looking as green as I felt. At least I wasn’t the only one who was nervous. He startled when he saw me. “What are you doing here?” he asked, sliding into his seat in front of me.
“Wait, this isn’t morning yoga? Shit. I guess I’ll have to select a helicopter after all.”
“That’s not what I mean—”
“Everybody grab a seat,” Major Davidson said, coming from the side door. “We’re actually going to postpone selection for a few hours.” A collective groan sounded in the class. “We didn’t get the scores tallied from yesterday’s check rides, so we need to move it. We’ll be ready by fifteen hundred.”
I glanced at my watch: eight a.m. They wanted us to wait another seven hours? Shit. I wouldn’t get to Paisley until the evening.
“Seriously, what the hell are you doing here?” Carter asked, glaring at me.
“Where else would I be?” What was up his ass?
“Paisley is going into surgery in a few hours, so I figured you’d be there with her.”
“What? No. She would have told me.” Would she?
“She knew we had selection, but she told me she was going to tell you.”
Major Davidson was still talking, but I didn’t give a fuck. “She didn’t.”
Carter looked at me like he’d never seen me before. “She really loves you. You love her. It’s not just a fling. You two are the real deal.”
“A fling? She’s my whole fucking world. She’s my oxygen, my water, and my solid ground. Nothing matters without her. I cease to exist.” I looked at the board where the helicopters were listed and stared as my heart picked up speed. “None of this matters to me without her.” I jumped out of my chair, sending it flying to the ground behind me, and the entire room turned to stare. “I have to leave,” I announced to all the raised eyebrows.
“Right, we’ll all be leaving in a minute, Lieutenant Bateman. Let me finish these announcements and I’ll dismiss you,” Major Davidson said, anything but amused.
“No, I have to leave now.” I swung my backpack over my shoulder and moved toward the exit. He met me in the doorway.
“What are you doing?”
“She’s going into surgery.” I tried to sidestep him, but he blocked me. Twice. “Do you want to dance?”
“It’s selection.”
“It’s Paisley.”
The lines on his forehead appeared as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re going to be the damn death of me, Bateman. If you leave, your class leader will have to select for you, or you will draw whatever is left over. Can you live with that?”
I didn’t need to think.
“I can live with anything. What I can’t live without is her.” I turned around and locked eyes with him. “Hey, Carter. You want to show me some of that West Point honor you’re always gabbing about?”
He lifted one eyebrow as a response.
“Select for me.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Paisley
Screw you and your list, Peyton.
“Everything looks good to go. Dr. Larondy will be in soon.” The nurse smiled at me, clipped my chart to the end of the bed, and left me alone with my mother.
“You’re making the right decision, Lee.” She looked perfectly composed except for the thumbnail she chewed on.
Then why does it feel like the wrong one? “I’ll be fine, Mama. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Hey! I brought your phone charger from home,” Morgan called out as she skipped in. She looked the opposite of how I felt.
“I don’t need to charge it.”
“Come on, Paisley. Don’t you miss the outside world?”
No, I only miss Jagger. “Everyone I need is right here.” I forced a smile, but she saw straight through it.
“Call him.” She sat on the edge of my bed.
I adjusted my oxygen tube and shook my head. “No. It’s selection day. I don’t want to be a distraction.”
“You know, usually you’re the most levelheaded person I know. But this time you’ve gone lost your godforsaken mind.”
“Morgan!” Mama chastised. “She’s about to have surgery!”
“She’s about to lose what I would absolutely kill for. What any woman would kill for.”
White-hot jealousy ran my mouth dry. “Jagger?”
She scoffed. “No, you can keep Mr. California to yourself. Love, Paisley. Love. I would give my left eye for Will—I mean, well, anyone to look at me the way Jagger looks at you.”
I studied her, putting pieces together in my head that I hadn’t realized fit before. “Oh, Morgan, was I that bad of a friend?”