How strange that it stabbed, hearing Kurt hadn't the first clue about being a real father.
She'd known and understood, but the reality of wasted years and emotions trickled over her like ammonia on an open wound.
"And then there's the other kind of love, the real kind of love, the best kind of love. When you'll do anything to keep from hurting that person, even if means you have to hurt. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Paige most certainly did, because, oh, God, she couldn't ignore much longer what was squeezing her heart.
Kirstie nodded. "I think so."
"Here's an example to help you see it better," he explained with a teacher tone Paige could envision him picking up in his college course work. "I noticed how you realized your mama gets upset when you talk about your father. You kept all that hurt inside you so she wouldn't have to hurt anymore."
Kirstie started nodding faster. "And like how Mama took me to that air show even though airplanes make her sad."
He winced. "Pretty much."
Oh, how easily she could dream of him in a classroom full of kids, entertaining and teaching. He'd talked about getting out of the Air Force, after all, something she hadn't let herself consider for more than a few fleeting seconds. Not that she expected him to move here based on one night of incredible sex, but at least if he left the military, there would be more options. More hope.
Her heart squeezed tighter.
"Sooo—" Kirstie's shoulders straightened with a renewal of her old spunk "—you're saying that on the inside, I love like my mama does. Not like my dad did."
"That's exactly what I'm saying," he said with an insightful patience and understanding that couldn't be taught in any classroom. "There's another cool thing about the real kind of love."
"What's that?"
"It's okay to share the hurts and help each other." He leaned closer. "So if you want to talk to me about your daddy, I'm here to listen."
"Since you understand 'cause your daddy was a bad guy, too?"
"Exactly."
Silence echoed from the two of them while dogs yipped in the kennel, surely as loud as Paige's heart full of budding hope and resurrected dreams.
Kirstie shuffled Honey onto the next lower step. "You know what, Bo?"
"What, Cupcake?"
"I think you love people the way me and my mom do, the real way."
"Why's that?"
'"Cause I bet you don't like to talk about your daddy, but you did it anyway to make me feel better."
Standing in the shadows, Paige watched her daughter throw her arms around Bo's neck while his big hand patted her tiny back with such gentle care. She gave up the fight to hold in tears and let them flow.
Kirstie planted a kiss on his cheek, then rocked back on her heels. "I love you, too. The real kind of way."
A bundle of youthful energy, Kirstie launched to her feet and down the steps to chase after Honey, turning not just one, but two cartwheels, Bo stayed on the step keeping watch over her the whole way, his hands clasped between his knees, broad shoulders braced to take on the troubles of the world for others. Even when it hurt him.
She allowed herself more of those whimsical dreams where she envisioned him getting out of the Air Force, moving here, flying for the vet practice or even teaching.
Tears kept right on trucking down her cheeks and she didn't bother wiping them away.
For the first time in a long time she didn't question her feelings. She knew. She'd done the very thing she'd sworn never to let happen again.
She'd fallen in love.
Bo heard Paige shuffle behind him. Not that it surprised him, since he'd seen her shadow stretch across about two-thirds of the way through his tough-as-hell conversation with Kirstie. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he considered just walking away without acknowledging her presence. He wasn't sure how much more of the Haugen women his heart could take today. Kirstie's revelations had left him raw.
Which meant Paige must be damned near bleeding out. Guess he was stuck on this porch for a while longer.
He glanced over his shoulder as she swung open the screen door. "You heard?"
"Every word." She sat on the top step beside him, while the sun sank in a swirl of orange and yellows.
"I think she's going to be okay." The kid certainly acted happy enough chasing Honey around the fat tree trunk. Since Paige hadn't interrupted the discussion, he'd figured she wanted him to continue, but he could be wrong. "Are you upset with me? I know she's not my kid, and some of the stuff I said might not have been age appropriate."
She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him with a long, unmoving intensity that wiped away at least some doubts. "You reached my daughter in a way no one has been able to for a year. I'm so grateful to you right now I can hardly contain it."
"I don't want your gratitude." He slid his fingers through her hair and cupped the back of her head so she wouldn't be able to dodge meeting his gaze. "I want us to keep seeing each other."
She blinked fast, and he tried to read her reaction. A little encouragement would be nice here. Instead he found only blind panic.
"Why?"
Her question stumped him. He'd expected a flat-out yes or no. "Uh, because you're hot and I like you?""Or because you want to take care of me since I'm a single mother who was married to a criminal—like your mother."
Damn. Paige went straight for the jugular, but he could see where she might draw that conclusion. Paige always did see through his BS, which also left him with no secrets.
Time for more digging deep. "At first when I saw you last year the similar situations crossed my mind. But I can guarantee that when I look at you now, I am not thinking of my mother."
Her fists clenched tight in the gesture he was starting to recognize well. She was stiffening her spine and resolve for something difficult. Ah, crap. The door was about to hit him on the ass, and the prospect pressed against his chest. Even his hands went clammy while he waited for her to answer.
"Me, too."
Huh? He exhaled. "Me, too, what?"
"I want to keep seeing you." Her throat moved in a hard swallow, not a smile in sight.
"You do?" Well, hell. Then why the panic? This should be good stuff.
Her fists went downright bloodless. Clenched any tighter, and she would crack bones.
"Kirstie and I were already talking about a summer trip to Charleston. She needs to see our old house, too."
"That sounds like a wise idea." He ignored the warning blaring in his head and told himself her nerves were for her daughter, not over spending more time with him. "I'll let you know my travel schedule with work so we can pick a time I'll be in town. I'll wrangle TDYs and weekends here. I've been in Charleston long enough to try for a transfer to McChord Air Force Base, which would at least bring me to the West Coast."
Her head snapped up. "A transfer to McChord? I thought you were considering getting out of the Air Force."
"I was, but you've cleared a lot of things in my head." He cupped the back of her head, needing to touch her. "You've helped me see that, sure, music's important to me, but flying for the Air Force is what I'm called to do."
Her gaze skittered away from his. "So you're not getting out, after all."
Damn. Those warning bells had been there for a reason. He should have listened. Kirstie had even said visiting the military base made her mother sad from memories. "You were willing to keep seeing each other because you expected me to get out and move here."
"I didn't assume you would relocate just for me, but at least there was the possibility, if you decided later there was reason."
He could already see her distancing herself from him, feel the tensing muscles in her neck under his hand.
She plastered on an overbright smile and eased from under his hand. "Forget I said anything. We've only known each other a couple of weeks. We're talking about dating, not getting married."
"Are you sure about that?" Damn it, he'd known better than to push this skittish woman and still the words fell out of his mouth.
She inched back. Much farther and she'd fall off the porch. More panic chased through her eyes, followed by flat-out fear.
How ironic was that? He'd been accused by countless women of having a commitment phobia and when he'd finally found someone he could consider spending his life with...
She was commitment phobia personified.
The telephone jangled inside, and Paige sprinted to her feet like a bat out of hell. "I have to take that."
Bo recognized well enough her convenient excuse to run.
Only two weeks, she'd said.
For her maybe, but he hadn't slept with anyone since he first saw her a year ago. He hadn't even thought of anyone since setting eyes on her, and now he understood why.
Damn straight, feelings happened that fast. He couldn't ignore the truth any longer. He'd fallen for Paige Haugen that fast twelve months ago.
He'd dated at least a hundred women. He should have plenty of practice in playing it cool at a breakup or rejection. But he couldn't think of one word to say when she returned.
Just like when he was a kid, he was out in the cold.
The door swung out from the office again, Paige worrying her lip and keeping her distance. "We'll have to talk about this later. Chuck Anderson's horse that broke his ribs is having trouble breathing. We need to fly out there right away."
Dreams weren't any more substantial than the clouds barely visible in the darkening night sky outside her airplane window.
Paige sat behind her daughter who was up front in the Cessna beside Bo. The hazy green illumination of the instrument panel cast a Halloween glow through the small cockpit.
Kirstie babbled on with a million flying questions, filling the awkward silence, thank heavens.
Paige gripped the armrests. God, she was such a coward.
The guy may have hinted at marriage, but he hadn't come right out and said it. And still she'd panicked, not just at the thought of leaving North Dakota, but at the prospect of stepping from behind the safe walls she'd built around her heart.
Could she dare try his date-and-see attitude while her daughter grew more attached to this charming man in their lives? And if their relationship actually took root? She would have to follow him around the world, chance loving again. Plenty of people did it, but her daughter's world had already been rocked more than most adults. Yet Bo had handled Kirstie's fears with more finesse and understanding than her own family had managed.
Unselfish love put the other person's needs first.
All of an hour in love and already she'd flunked the initial test. She'd vowed she loved him and then balked right out of the starting gate. He'd given so much of himself for her, for Kirstie, too.
Who had given back to him? Sister Nic, friends, all of whom he shielded from hearing the difficult parts of his life. He'd admitted to telling Paige more than anyone else, even if he hadn't discussed love.
Her heart bared, her own defensive needs shuffled aside, finally she heard the parts Bo had left unsaid, things perhaps even he didn't know. His mother's suicide and father's abandonment must have left him feeling unworthy of love. Yet instead of wallowing in self-pity—or hiding out as she'd done—he worked his butt off to help others.
Suddenly Bo's charming exterior took on a different shading. He became everyone's friend—without letting anyone get close enough to hurt him, ensuring he wouldn't be left behind again.
This man with such a big-world charm actually had very simple needs. He needed the security of the "real" kind of love. Now it was time for her to find the courage to face wherever that love took them.