“What do you mean you’re leaving?” I stared up at him, the flicker of agony beginning to tighten in my chest.
His expression was embarrassed, annoyed. “This was always just a summer thing.”
“Not to me! You . . . you told me you loved me.”
“I thought . . .” He shook his head, exasperated. “I was confused. Caught up in it. But it was a mistake. We were a mistake.”
That agony was no longer a flicker but a burning, breath-stealing pain. “You’re lying. Why are you saying these things?” I’d brushed impatiently at my tears, desperate to have him hold me and laugh and tell me he was joking.
But he didn’t laugh. He looked away, seeming anxious to get away from me. “We’re not from the same world, Hartwell. Surely you see that. I’m going back to New York and you don’t fit into my world there.”
“I don’t understand.”
“For God’s sake, you’re a townie,” he snapped. “My family would never approve of you.”
Rage mingled with my heartbreak as I tried to make sense of the boy who’d spent all summer saying he loved me with this . . . this pompous, arrogant asshole breaking me into pieces. “The same family who has never told you they love you?”
He had the audacity to wince. “We’re . . . we’re just too young to fall in love. You’re too young.” He tried to reach for me but I stumbled back.
Sighing, he dropped his hand and walked away.
Just . . . walked away.
Like it was that easy.
I blinked out of the memory, of the one that came after, the one where I sobbed in my dad’s arms until tears of helplessness burned in his own.
No.
I would never be that foolish again.
I pinned Vaughn with my determined gaze. “He said he was confused, that our relationship was a mistake, that I didn’t fit into his world. In other words I wasn’t good enough. Sound familiar?”
Vaughn blanched, as he clearly remembered the words he’d said to me after our first night together. “Bailey, when I said that before . . . I just said it because I knew it would keep you at a distance. I lied. I could give a shit that you’re not some elite New York princess. In fact the reason I love you is because you’re not like all those other women.”
“Really?” I was unconvinced. “Then why? Why did you need to keep your distance? Why were you adamant about not being in a relationship with me? And why aren’t you now?”
“Because I love you!” he yelled, frustration darkening his eyes.
“You’ve loved me for a long time; you just said it. So you loved me then, but you didn’t want me then.” I wanted answers. I wanted an explanation for his behavior, an explanation that would make sense of everything. “Why now? Why not then?”
When he had no reply for me, bitterness filled me. He loved me, but I wasn’t worthy of an explanation.
I was still just like everyone else to him.
“I’m not that asshole,” he said. “Whoever that guy was who hurt you. But this will be an adjustment for me. I’m not going to lie about that. However, I’ve never felt like this about anyone, and I will sacrifice all the bullshit I thought was important to me, like being a law unto myself, if it means I get to lie next to you every night.”
His words tried to worm their way inside me.
I cared about this man, I was more attracted to him than I’d ever been to anyone, and I wanted to believe his beautiful words. But all they were, were beautiful words.
They weren’t an explanation for why he’d made this so damn hard for us.
He was hiding something.
And that scared the crap out of me.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Vaughn stared at me in anguish, and I saw the war going on behind his eyes.
And then I saw the moment he decided not to trust me.
A flatness entered his expression and just like that, he closed up on me.
No.
No way could I risk myself on him.
If I fell in love with Vaughn Tremaine, he’d break me in half.
Tears spilled down my cheeks as I felt renewed disappointment. “You keep hurting me.”
He had the decency to look guilty. “I don’t mean to.”
“Then stop,” I pleaded. “Just stop. I need you . . . I need you to stay away from me.”
Vaughn flinched but after a moment of contemplation he nodded. “I’d do anything to make you happy.”
If that were true, he’d tell me why up until now he’d pushed me away. “Just words, Vaughn. Those are just words.”
I turned away, needing to be out of his presence as quickly as possible. I could smell him on my skin, I could still feel him inside of me, and I was desperate to climb into my shower and sob this moment out of me.
As I stepped out into the hallway, about to close the door behind me, Vaughn called, “Wait!”
“Vaughn—”
“No, wait.” He hurried toward me, cutting off my protestations. “There’s something you need to know. It’s about Vanessa.”
TWENTY-ONE
Bailey
The lesson that I’d hoped to learn from my relationship with Tom, that thing I’d been trying to tell myself since that first night with Vaughn, had penetrated. Finally.
I believed I deserved to have the kind of passion that I’d found with Vaughn. But I believed I deserved to find it with a man who would trust me enough to let down his guard with me; to really let me get to know the real him.